Counseling Men Blog
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Why Do Relationships Die? (Ya Know They Don't Have To, Right?)

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Jan 04, 2014

A lot of relationships die. But why? Why do relationships die? Do they have to?

Some people would argue that relationships have a lifecycle and dying is just part of the life of a relationship. I disagree -- relationships don't have to die. 

The reason why relationships die is because we stop making them grow. Change is inevitable. Everything in this world is changing -- either growing or dying. So if we stop making our relationship grow, obviously it's going to die.

Here's a Google+ post I wrote about the secret why relationships die (click the Read More button after the first 2 lines to read the full post). 

So what changes in relationships from when they're growing in the beginning to later on when many relationships start to die? Our focus changes from loving the other person to getting loved ourselves. We change from wanting to meet our partner's needs to wanting to get our own needs met.

But if focusing on our partner is what made the relationship grow in the first place, why stop? Everyone needs to answer that question for themselves.

Most people in dying relationships have their reasons for not making loving their partner a priority anymore. But there's no denying the facts of what distinguishes a growing relationship from a dying relationship. And for those of us who want to have our relationships grow again (or prevent them from dying) there's no better place to start than back at the beginning. Remember when you were:

  • Loving Unconditionally?
  • Thinking More About Them Than Yourself?
  • Focused More on Giving Than Taking?

Why do relationships die? Because we stop doing the things we did in the beginning that made it grow. And that starts with focusing on them not us.

What do you think is the reason why relationships die? What are some other things we typically do at the beginning of a relationship that we stop doing later on (Eight Reasons Relaitonships Die)? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. 

If you like this post and want to read more like it, you can sign-up on the right side of this page to get notified of each new post. You can also circle and follow me on Google+ (Kurt Smith on Google+) where I post daily relationship and self-improvement tips just like this one.

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Tags: Relationship Advice