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Why Do Relationships Die? (Ya Know They Don't Have To, Right?)


A lot of relationships die. But why? Why do relationships die? Do they have to?

Some people would argue that relationships have a lifecycle and dying is just part of the life of a relationship. I disagree -- relationships don't have to die. 

The reason why relationships die is because we stop making them grow. Change is inevitable. Everything in this world is changing -- either growing or dying. So if we stop making our relationship grow, obviously it's going to die.

Here's a Google+ post I wrote about the secret why relationships die (click the Read More button after the first 2 lines to read the full post). 

So what changes in relationships from when they're growing in the beginning to later on when many relationships start to die? Our focus changes from loving the other person to getting loved ourselves. We change from wanting to meet our partner's needs to wanting to get our own needs met.

But if focusing on our partner is what made the relationship grow in the first place, why stop? Everyone needs to answer that question for themselves.

Most people in dying relationships have their reasons for not making loving their partner a priority anymore. But there's no denying the facts of what distinguishes a growing relationship from a dying relationship. And for those of us who want to have our relationships grow again (or prevent them from dying) there's no better place to start than back at the beginning. Remember when you were:

  • Loving Unconditionally?
  • Thinking More About Them Than Yourself?
  • Focused More on Giving Than Taking?

Why do relationships die? Because we stop doing the things we did in the beginning that made it grow. And that starts with focusing on them not us.

What do you think is the reason why relationships die? What are some other things we typically do at the beginning of a relationship that we stop doing later on (Eight Reasons Relaitonships Die)? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. 

If you like this post and want to read more like it, you can sign-up on the right side of this page to get notified of each new post. You can also circle and follow me on Google+ (Kurt Smith on Google+) where I post daily relationship and self-improvement tips just like this one.

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I heard someone say one time that a marriage is like maintaining a car. If you don't maintain your marriage like your car, eventially it is going to break down. In otherwords; you have to work on it.
Posted @ Saturday, January 04, 2014 1:28 PM by Cathy
Yes and we all know that the woman can't do all the work. It takes both of them making sacrificing. Also, we humans must learn how to respect the female as much as we talk about respecting the male. The woman really needs romance and affection as much as men need intercourse. 
We need to threaten that women will cheat, the same way that we are always threatening women that men will cheat.  
It gets old quick. 
Boy I tell you...... we humans can really be nasty to women and we silly little women allow all the nastiness. When will 
we learn? 
Posted @ Saturday, January 04, 2014 7:28 PM by Pam
I believe many relationships die for many of the reasons you outlined but I also believe often the foundations marriages are set on aren't solid in understanding change is inevitable as life can throw some harsh realities that the inability to cope in healthy ways cause division among couples. And sometimes it isn't until a crisis that people feeling powerless instead of leaning on one another drift apart. And sometimes it I believe is an unconscious expectation that people aren't aware.
Posted @ Wednesday, January 08, 2014 10:47 PM by Linda Mullin
Posted @ Thursday, January 09, 2014 12:53 AM by Ranjeeta Rajpal
I believe, that relationships start to crumble, when one of the partners does not fully respect the other partner and take that partner's feelings into consideration at any given time. The trait here may be identified as selfishness, narcissism, or simply "low down and dirty". 
We have got to create some type of process for new couples to be able to discuss and be educated about their expectations, their desires, and what each other will and will not tolerate, then identify the pitfalls that couples sometimes encounter. This is the time where we tell men and even women that cheating not right and is one of the most devastating things that one partner can do to another. It needs to be said that, if one feels they have the cheating trait, that they need to either reveal now or end the relationship and tell all future partners up front that they are a "cheater". It might also help if a couple who is at the first stages of their relationship, before marriage, could go over a list of deal breakers wich could inform the other partner that "I am out of this" when you decide to do one these "deal brakers". 
As a woman, (since we are more often the one to be cheated on), I say to other women, that we have got to stop allowing ourselves to be intimidated by and following the articles and lists written by confused female internet therapists who blame, scold, and tell women to worship exalt, lose your voice, blindly submit to men who are sinners just like us. We need to stop allowing ourselves to love a men, before we love ourselves.
Posted @ Thursday, January 09, 2014 11:32 AM by Pam
I like this so very much
Posted @ Friday, January 10, 2014 3:05 AM by Mwai Young
Perfect understanding is the key to keep your relationship alive. If both the persons trust each other, understand each other's feeling then there are more chances to increase the love in your relationships.
Posted @ Wednesday, March 05, 2014 6:43 AM by Omkar
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