Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC

Recent Posts

Learn How to Make Him Want You

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Jan 13, 2017

Most advice on how to make him want you is going to focus on your appearance and sexuality. Lose weight, get a breast enlargement or false eye lashes, be willing to have more sex. But the reason, or more likely reasons, he doesn't want you are usually much more complicated.

Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of using sex as a way to measure the status of their relationship. When their partner loses interest in sex they take that to mean they've lost interest in them. As a result, it's easy to think that how you make him want you is all about how you look.
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Understanding the 'Why' of Emotionally Unavailable Men

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Dec 14, 2016

Many men are as cold as ice when it comes to their feelings. A frequent complaint of women in marriage counseling is that their male partners won't open up to them. "He won't communicate," typically means, "he won't tell me how he feels." She says this to me while he sits there thinking he doesn't 'feel' anything. So are there really emotionally unavailable men, or are they just emotionally clueless? Yes and yes.

This emotional divide between men and women often gets defined as, "we can't communicate," and is the most frequent relationship complaint for women, which is often closely followed by most men's top complaint, "we don't have enough sex." Men want sex and women want to talk about feelings. It's one of the oldest male-female stereotypes, but there's a lot of truth to this difference too.
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What Depression Symptoms in Men Really Look Like

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Nov 16, 2016

One of the tricky things about depression symptoms in men is that many of the symptoms don't look like depression at all. Not only do most depressed men not look depressed, but they'll tell you they don't feel like it either. In fact, these men usually look and act just like the saying goes, 'men being men.' And 'men being men' can be one of the signs (I'll explain more later on).

In contrast to the hidden depression symptoms in men, women most often look, feel, and act depressed when suffering from depression. Unlike men, women recognize and will admit it to themselves and others too. It shouldn't be surprising then that men are diagnosed with depression at much lower rates than women. Estimates suggest that in the United States women are diagnosed 2-4 times as frequently as men, and in the United Kingdom it is estimated that depression is diagnosed in 7% of women, but only 3% of men.
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Alcohol Addiction Signs That Aren’t So Obvious

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Oct 19, 2016

Alcohol addiction signs aren't always what we'd commonly think of, like a guy passed out at a bar or someone panhandling on the street corner for beer money.

The men I treat for alcohol addiction often have signs that are much more subtle. They want to have a drink every time they go out; they seek out social events where alcohol is going to be readily available, such as golfing; they believe they aren't any fun to be around unless they're drinking.
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Is Surviving Infidelity Even Possible?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Sep 22, 2016

At first, surviving infidelity isn't even imaginable. How can you survive when your life is over? How will you ever get your life back? Isn't it gone forever?

The shock, actually it's really horror, that your partner could do this to you makes surviving infidelity seem impossible. Then comes the hurt, which can be overwhelming and suffocating all at the same time. Next comes the anger. For some, these feelings are separate and distinct, but for others they come all wrapped up in one gigantic ball of pain.
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Need Anger Problems Help? Start Here

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Aug 25, 2016

It's pretty common that the person looking for anger problems help isn't the person with the problem. Most people who need help with anger don't realize it (been there), or deny it (done that too), or both.

If you've landed on this article searching for anger problems help you're most likely either: 1) the partner of, or someone who cares about, a person who gets angry; or 2) the person who gets angry. Your perspective is important to recognize because it will influence how you interpret the rest of this article.
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Real-Life Pornography Statistics Explained

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Aug 10, 2016

There are a lot of out of date and inaccurate pornography statistics on the web. Surprisingly, counter to the high level of usage, not much scientific research has actually been done on porn use, and its effects on viewers and their partners. If you take a look around you'll find a lot of numbers from the early stages of the Internet, like the late 1990s and early 2000s, but not much that's more current and reliable.

It turns out that nobody wants to talk about porn, even scholarly researchers. The limited pornography statistics that are available are almost entirely based upon self-report. In other words, asking a man, "do you look at porn?" Asking someone to be honest about something they do in secret, are ashamed of, and do everything to hide is naturally going to be fraught with the potential for error.
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Facing a Midlife Crisis Divorce

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jul 13, 2016

If you're contemplating a midlife crisis divorce, pause. Regardless of whether you're the person making the choice to end it or the one that's being forced upon, take a couple of minutes to read this article and see if you can see yourself somewhere in it.

Does a midlife crisis mean divorce? It's certainly easy to think so. After all, when your partner checks out, often moves out, and shows no interest in coming back, what else are you supposed to think?
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Are These Signs of True Love?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jun 29, 2016

There are a lot of conflicting messages out there about what the signs of true love look like. Is it the fairy tale version offered by Cinderella? Or do the words of Prince Charming from Into the Woods reveal more of how it plays out in real life - "I was raised to be charming, not sincere." What about a couple that stays together for 50 years, but fights every day?

Which are the real signs of true love? Many of us didn't get a good example of love shown to us by our parents (me too), so we really don't know what to look for.
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3 Results of a Verbally Abusive Relationship

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Jun 02, 2016

Most people think a verbally abusive relationship is easy to spot. After all, we all can see it when it's happening in someone else's relationship, but it's much more difficult to see in our own.

Just like it's hard to recognize that we're in a verbally abusive relationship, it's also very hard to see the impact and result. Most often people have been in an abusive relationship for a long time and so it becomes normal. Also, the relationship doesn't typically start out being verbally abusive, nor does it suddenly become one overnight, rather it's almost always a gradual change that makes the behavior even harder to recognize.
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