Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Could My Husband Be a Sex Addict?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Feb 09, 2017

Part 1 of 2

When people or their partners are trying to understand a behavior they think is a problem it's common for them to latch onto a term they think describes it, but sometimes in the end doesn't. Just like when we search on Google for something we often find that we have to refine our search term from what we originally thought would work. Sex addict is such a term that frequently gets misapplied and misused.

As an expert in men and their behavior I deal all of the time with people wanting to learn what makes a person a sex addict (both women and men). Frequently when people encounter behavior that is either new or different from what they believe is 'normal' they look to give it a negative label. This is especially true with the subject of sex and leads to men in particular being labeled a sex addict when it really may not be the correct description.
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It's OK If She Has No Interest in Sex After Baby - It's Nothing Personal

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Jan 25, 2017

Having a baby is the most incredible thing a woman's body can do. Over the nine months of pregnancy so many changes happen to their bodies, and it takes weeks, or sometimes months, to recover. But what happens when you're ready, and she has no interest in sex after baby?

There are many reasons that contribute to having no interest in sex after a baby, but a few that sometimes men don't really see. Obviously there are the physical and hormonal changes, and of course the sleep deprivation that comes with having a baby in the house, but some other not-so-obvious things are going on, too.
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Learn How to Make Him Want You

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Jan 13, 2017

Most advice on how to make him want you is going to focus on your appearance and sexuality. Lose weight, get a breast enlargement or false eye lashes, be willing to have more sex. But the reason, or more likely reasons, he doesn't want you are usually much more complicated.

Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of using sex as a way to measure the status of their relationship. When their partner loses interest in sex they take that to mean they've lost interest in them. As a result, it's easy to think that how you make him want you is all about how you look.
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Identifying Gaslighting Abuse In Your Relationship

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Dec 28, 2016

We’ve all been told at one time or another “you’re crazy,” “you didn’t do that” or “I didn’t say that.” It can be a strange feeling to believe you did something or heard someone say something and then be told, no, you didn’t. Once and a while is normal. When it becomes something you hear frequently and from the same person, you could be a victim of gaslighting abuse and not realize it.

Gaslighting abuse is defined in the Urban dictionary as, “A form of intimidation or psychological abuse, sometimes called Ambient Abuse where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own,perception and quite often, their sanity.”
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Understanding the 'Why' of Emotionally Unavailable Men

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Dec 14, 2016

Many men are as cold as ice when it comes to their feelings. A frequent complaint of women in marriage counseling is that their male partners won't open up to them. "He won't communicate," typically means, "he won't tell me how he feels." She says this to me while he sits there thinking he doesn't 'feel' anything. So are there really emotionally unavailable men, or are they just emotionally clueless? Yes and yes.

This emotional divide between men and women often gets defined as, "we can't communicate," and is the most frequent relationship complaint for women, which is often closely followed by most men's top complaint, "we don't have enough sex." Men want sex and women want to talk about feelings. It's one of the oldest male-female stereotypes, but there's a lot of truth to this difference too.
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How to Deal With Sibling Rivalry in Adults

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Nov 30, 2016

Sibling rivalry in adults is as old as Cain and Able. Thousands of parenting books have been written for parents dedicated to dealing with sibling rivalry. But what happens when you’re an adult and the rivalry is still going strong?

Over holidays and longer visits, sibling rivalries can be acerbated. When visiting our families, we may end up staying in the same house, leaving us with no place to go hide from the feud with our sibling.
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What Depression Symptoms in Men Really Look Like

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Nov 16, 2016

One of the tricky things about depression symptoms in men is that many of the symptoms don't look like depression at all. Not only do most depressed men not look depressed, but they'll tell you they don't feel like it either. In fact, these men usually look and act just like the saying goes, 'men being men.' And 'men being men' can be one of the signs (I'll explain more later on).

In contrast to the hidden depression symptoms in men, women most often look, feel, and act depressed when suffering from depression. Unlike men, women recognize and will admit it to themselves and others too. It shouldn't be surprising then that men are diagnosed with depression at much lower rates than women. Estimates suggest that in the United States women are diagnosed 2-4 times as frequently as men, and in the United Kingdom it is estimated that depression is diagnosed in 7% of women, but only 3% of men.
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Could Phubbing in Relationships Be Damaging Yours?

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Nov 02, 2016

Seen any phubbing in relationships lately? If not in other's relationships, how about your own?

Picture the scene: You and your boyfriend are having a nice dinner together, deep in conversation. His phone vibrates, and rather than ignore it, he whips it out to check the message, essentially interrupting you.
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Alcohol Addiction Signs That Aren’t So Obvious

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Oct 19, 2016

Alcohol addiction signs aren't always what we'd commonly think of, like a guy passed out at a bar or someone panhandling on the street corner for beer money.

The men I treat for alcohol addiction often have signs that are much more subtle. They want to have a drink every time they go out; they seek out social events where alcohol is going to be readily available, such as golfing; they believe they aren't any fun to be around unless they're drinking.
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Is Staying Together For The Kids The Right Thing To Do?

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Oct 05, 2016

Should we stay together for the kids?” is probably the first thing most couples that are struggling in their relationship contemplate. No one wants to break up their family or have their kids suffer by shuffling weekly between houses. Looking at it from that point of view, it seems like an obvious answer – of course staying together for the kids is right. Right?

Maybe not. There are several important things to consider when figuring out if a relationship is worth saving. Certainly when there are kids, they have to play a part in the decision. But staying together for the kids can’t be the only (or even the main) reason to stay together.
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