Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Am I in a Relationship with a Narcissist?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Mar 25, 2017

It is becoming pretty common to hear people use the negative label of narcissist to describe an ever-increasing number of people - from Millennials, to presidential candidates, or an annoying boss. And more and more people are thinking that they're in a relationship with a narcissist too.

At Guy Stuff we hear from thousands of people every day who are trying to understand what's wrong with their partner. Why do they do what they do? Why do they treat me (the person they say they love) the way they do? One explanation that we regularly hear is, "He is a narcissist."
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How to Recognize Male Menopause Symptoms

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Mar 11, 2017

Menopause is so commonly associated with women that any suggestion that men can go through it too must be a joke, right? Wrong. Male menopause symptoms are real.

Most articles on symptoms of male menopause focus on the physiological signs, such as erectile dysfunction or insomnia. What are equally or even more important are the psychological and behavioral signs. Most people do not realize there is a problem until extreme behavior arises such as telling a partner, "I don't love you anymore," moving out, or filing for divorce.
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Is 'Manopause' Real Or Fake?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Mar 10, 2017

Is there really such a thing as 'manopause?' Many people might argue that it's a made up concept to feel sorry and make an excuse for the selfish behavior of men. Maybe. Maybe not.

The idea behind manopause is that men go through physical changes at middle life similar to the hormonal changes women experience with menopause. Certainly possible since it is now well documented that men also experience a reduction in hormone production too (i.e. low testosterone). Commonly such biological changes to our bodies also create psychological changes as well. The behaviors that frequently accompany these mental changes are often labeled a midlife crisis in men by a lot of people.
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How Deceptive Sex Addiction Symptoms Can Really Be

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Feb 22, 2017

Part 2 of 2

If you want to have sex all of the time that must be a sex addiction symptom, right? Not necessarily. After all, don't most men want sex all of the time, and certainly they can't all be addicts. Actually symptoms of sex addiction are more complicated than this and don't always have an obvious connection to sex.

In order to better understand sex addiction symptoms, let's go back to the first article in this two-part series, Could My Husband Be a Sex Addict? In it we looked at several men who could possibly be viewed as being sex addicts. Terrence, Mike and Steve all struggle with their sexual behavior in different ways.
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Could My Husband Be a Sex Addict?

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Feb 09, 2017

Part 1 of 2

When people or their partners are trying to understand a behavior they think is a problem it's common for them to latch onto a term they think describes it, but sometimes in the end doesn't. Just like when we search on Google for something we often find that we have to refine our search term from what we originally thought would work. Sex addict is such a term that frequently gets misapplied and misused.

As an expert in men and their behavior I deal all of the time with people wanting to learn what makes a person a sex addict (both women and men). Frequently when people encounter behavior that is either new or different from what they believe is 'normal' they look to give it a negative label. This is especially true with the subject of sex and leads to men in particular being labeled a sex addict when it really may not be the correct description.
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It's OK If She Has No Interest in Sex After Baby - It's Nothing Personal

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Jan 25, 2017

Having a baby is the most incredible thing a woman's body can do. Over the nine months of pregnancy so many changes happen to their bodies, and it takes weeks, or sometimes months, to recover. But what happens when you're ready, and she has no interest in sex after baby?

There are many reasons that contribute to having no interest in sex after a baby, but a few that sometimes men don't really see. Obviously there are the physical and hormonal changes, and of course the sleep deprivation that comes with having a baby in the house, but some other not-so-obvious things are going on, too.
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Learn How to Make Him Want You

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Jan 13, 2017

Most advice on how to make him want you is going to focus on your appearance and sexuality. Lose weight, get a breast enlargement or false eye lashes, be willing to have more sex. But the reason, or more likely reasons, he doesn't want you are usually much more complicated.

Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of using sex as a way to measure the status of their relationship. When their partner loses interest in sex they take that to mean they've lost interest in them. As a result, it's easy to think that how you make him want you is all about how you look.
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Identifying Gaslighting Abuse In Your Relationship

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Dec 28, 2016

We’ve all been told at one time or another “you’re crazy,” “you didn’t do that” or “I didn’t say that.” It can be a strange feeling to believe you did something or heard someone say something and then be told, no, you didn’t. Once and a while is normal. When it becomes something you hear frequently and from the same person, you could be a victim of gaslighting abuse and not realize it.

Gaslighting abuse is defined in the Urban dictionary as, “A form of intimidation or psychological abuse, sometimes called Ambient Abuse where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own,perception and quite often, their sanity.”
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Understanding the 'Why' of Emotionally Unavailable Men

Posted by Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Dec 14, 2016

Many men are as cold as ice when it comes to their feelings. A frequent complaint of women in marriage counseling is that their male partners won't open up to them. "He won't communicate," typically means, "he won't tell me how he feels." She says this to me while he sits there thinking he doesn't 'feel' anything. So are there really emotionally unavailable men, or are they just emotionally clueless? Yes and yes.

This emotional divide between men and women often gets defined as, "we can't communicate," and is the most frequent relationship complaint for women, which is often closely followed by most men's top complaint, "we don't have enough sex." Men want sex and women want to talk about feelings. It's one of the oldest male-female stereotypes, but there's a lot of truth to this difference too.
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How to Deal With Sibling Rivalry in Adults

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Nov 30, 2016

Sibling rivalry in adults is as old as Cain and Able. Thousands of parenting books have been written for parents dedicated to dealing with sibling rivalry. But what happens when you’re an adult and the rivalry is still going strong?

Over holidays and longer visits, sibling rivalries can be acerbated. When visiting our families, we may end up staying in the same house, leaving us with no place to go hide from the feud with our sibling.
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