Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

'Loves Me But Is Not In Love With Me' Explained

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jul 01, 2015

My partner loves me but is not in love with me is one of the most painful things to have to accept. In fact, most partners cannot believe it when they hear it. Hearing these words typically comes as a complete shock.

What follows being told he loves me but is not in love with me is what makes hearing these words even harder to understand and accept. Often after this is said a bag gets packed and the partner leaves, separates or says they want a divorce. A woman I'm counseling right now came home to find a note on the kitchen counter saying not much more than, "I love you, but am no longer in love with you," and her husband had moved out.

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Tags: Love Is Gone

Who Is The Other Woman In My Marriage?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Jun 18, 2015

What every wife fears the most is the other woman in my marriage. Whether it happens intentionally or innocently, the effect is still the same -- it's destructive.

As we all know, the technology we carry around with us gives us instant access to a lot of things that can become problems for us. One example is the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, anytime, which makes having another woman in your marriage something everyone is vulnerable to.
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Tags: Marriage Problems

What Relationship Abuse Really Looks Like

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, May 31, 2015

One of the difficult things about relationship abuse is that a lot of the times it doesn't look like abuse. A common result of it going unrecognized is that the victim often looks like the person with the problem rather than the abuser.

Everyone believes they can recognize relationship abuse. The stereotypical sign of an abusive relationship is a man hitting a woman, like former-NFL football player, Ray Rice, punching and knocking out his then fiancee, Janay, in an elevator last year. But the domestic violence form of relationship abuse is actually the minority form, it just happens to be the one that gets all of the publicity and is the easiest to recognize as being wrong.
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Tags: Abusive Relationships

How To Get An Alcoholic Husband To Admit It

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, May 17, 2015

talking-to-an-alcoholic-husbandOne of the biggest obstacles for any alcoholic husband is getting past the label "alcoholic." Nearly all of the people I've treated for problem drinking have struggled to apply this term to them selves. Sadly, this one word prevents a lot of people from getting the help they really need.

If you think you may have an alcoholic husband then you probably know exactly what I am talking about. Notice above I didn't say I've treated alcoholics, nor people for alcoholism, but rather for problem drinking. That's the bottom line. It really doesn't matter whether or (most likely) not your husband is willing to call himself an alcoholic, what matters is that he'll acknowledge that his drinking causes problems. Getting to that admission is typically usually still a journey though.
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Tags: Addictions

Unbiased Divorce Advice for Women

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Mon, Apr 27, 2015

The best divorce advice for women I can give is don’t make an emotional decision. Divorce is so life altering, and in many not so good ways, that you don’t want to rush into it.

Obviously, people choose to divorce to make their lives better. But divorce brings with it many negative aspects that can only be minimized or prevented with careful planning. So my divorce advice for women is to separate your feelings from your decision before making such a life changing choice.
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Tags: Divorce Advice

Do All Men Cheat and Lie - True Or False?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Tue, Apr 14, 2015

We're all capable of making excuses, covering up, and even lying about our behavior. But when we have a partner cheating and doing this it's easy to wonder . . . do all men cheat and lie?

No, not all men cheat and lie, nor is it just men who cheat. Women cheat too. In fact, most men and women who cheat are not the stereotypical despicable, selfish, low-life commonly portrayed in the media.
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Tags: Cheating Spouse

Here's How To Deal With Anger In A Relationship

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Mon, Mar 30, 2015

couple-is-learning-how-to-deal-with-anger-in-their-relationshipNot getting angry isn't as easy as many people think. Like many issues, those of us with no experience with the problem can struggle understanding why it's so hard for people who do. This is true with anger and especially with how to deal with anger in a relationship.

Most anger problems are caused by interactions with other people. Typically these anger arousing interactions are with significant others, especially partners. This inter-relational component adds a lot of complexity to dealing with anger, particularly in a relationship.
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Tags: Anger Management

Why Male Midlife Crisis Is So Confusing

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Mar 14, 2015

Confusion is a standard feature of a male midlife crisis. The man in midlife crisis is mixed up, his partner is lost, and if there are kids involved then they have no clue what's going on other than their parents are acting pretty strange.

Another hallmark of male midlife crisis is change. This is one of the things that makes most partners so confused and scared. A midlife crisis is cry out for change. And it brings with it change - often very abrupt, shocking, radical change.
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Tags: Midlife Crisis

Is Porn Erectile Dysfunction Fact or Fiction?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Feb 27, 2015

is-porn-erectile-dysfunction-realPorn is a pretty uncomfortable subject for nearly everyone to discuss. Something that typically accompanies porn viewing that can be particular embarrassing is masturbation. And now a new problem has surfaced around porn and masturbation in the form of porn erectile dysfunction.

But wait a minute, isn't it just older guys who have erectile dysfunction? Yes, that is usually true, although men of any age can have this problem. Porn erectile dysfunction, however, is a new problem, different from regular ED, and affecting men of all ages.
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Tags: Porn Addiction

When You Are In Love But Feeling Alone

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Feb 07, 2015

Many people are both in love but feeling alone at the same time. Is that really possible? Yes, and, unfortunately, it’s pretty common.

“I feel alone in my marriage,” Renee said, as her husband sat motionless next to her. He made no effort to connect or comfort her as she shared the isolation and hurt she felt. “I’ve read that many women are feel alone in their relationships.” I told her that’s true. Fortunately for Renee, her husband, Greg, was sitting next to her in marriage counseling with me because he wants to learn how to change that, but he just doesn’t know how -- yet.
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Tags: Relationship Advice