Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Dealing With A Cheating Spouse Is Difficult and Tricky

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Dec 06, 2014

There are many things our partners can do that can cause us to question ourselves. However, few things cause this to happen more than cheating. Dealing with a cheating spouse is difficult enough, but the almost automatic response to question ourselves just makes it even harder.

When dealing with a cheating spouse it's normal to ask how and why this happened, and in trying to answer those questions to assume that it has something to do with us. This line of thought, asking what we did wrong to cause the cheating happen, can take us down a bad path if we're not very careful.

When our partner chooses to be with another person, feelings about our own inadequacy are understandably triggered. Unfortunately, most of us already have insecurities about our self-worth that when we're cheated on only becomes worse.

Take a look at the following Google+ post I wrote about how to deal with cheating and one woman's reaction to her cheating boyfriend. Be sure to click the Read More button after the first 2 lines so you can see and read the full post.

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Tags: Cheating Spouse

7 Things To Do When You Say "My Wife Doesn't Love Me"

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Nov 22, 2014

husband-says-my-wife-doesnt-love-meIt's common in counseling to hear wives say they don't feel loved by their husbands anymore. But, believe it or not, husbands can feel unloved by their wives too. Although it can take some time when I'm counseling a man to get him to finally admit, "My wife doesn't love me." 

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Tags: Love Is Gone

How To Stop A Divorce With 3 Words

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Nov 13, 2014

I counsel a lot of couples that are on the verge of divorce. Many come looking for help in determining whether or not their marriage can be fixed. Most aren't asking so much how to stop a divorce, as they are is divorce inevitable.

Some of these partners have been unhappy and thinking about divorce for quite awhile. For others divorce talk has been triggered by an event such as the discovery of cheating or a series of events like repeated abuse of alcohol. 

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Tags: Divorce Advice

Real-life Midlife Crisis Stories

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Oct 31, 2014

mens-midlife-crisis-storiesWhen you're struggling it's easy to feel like you're the only one who feels that way. Regardless of the problem, I can assure you you're not alone. Here's a midlife crisis story from a lonely, confused woman desperately trying to understand what's happening with her man.

Hi Kurt, I am really confused about this whole midlife crisis story with my husband: I don't know where he is at in the stages of his midlife crisis/transition. He has been staying with his mother but he has also had more than one issue going on.
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Tags: Midlife Crisis

One Question Anger Management Test Anyone Can Take

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Oct 15, 2014

Most of us don't think of ourselves as needing anger management -- even those of us who really do. It's easy to think the person who with anger problems is the out of control guy, like the Adam Sandler character in the movie Anger Management, or Charlie Sheen (the real one, not his TV show character). Wouldn't it be helpful if there was a quick and easy anger management test?

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Tags: Anger Management

Porn Side Effects Aren't Always So Obvious

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Tue, Sep 30, 2014

It seems that every day porn becomes more and more acceptable in our culture. Sitcoms make fun of it and comedians joke about it like it's a normal thing all guys do. Men tell their partners when they get caught that "every guy does it" . . . "it's a guy thing." But porn side effects are never mentioned along with these endorsements.
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Tags: Porn Addiction

Learn The Signs of Abusive Relationships - #1 Is 'Stand By Your Man'

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Sep 19, 2014

Most people by now have seen the shocking video of NFL player Ray Rice punching and knocking out his then-fiancee (now wife), Janay Palmer, in a casino elevator. For many it was an eye-opening example of what relationship abuse looks like. This truly was a peak behind closed doors, because in most cases of domestic abuse there is no video, no witnesses, and in half the cases, no police report. So are there signs of abusive relationships when there is no tape? Yes.

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Tags: Abusive Relationships

I'm Fighting With My Husband Constantly

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, Sep 07, 2014

A woman told me this week she's -- "fighting with my husband constantly." "Is that normal?" she asked. Yes and no I told her.

Disagreements in a relationship are normal. We all disagree with our partner from time to time. And if both partners are expressing their true thoughts and feelings, there's bound to be some disagreement. That's normal.

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Tags: Marriage Problems

I Think My Husband is Depressed - Can I Save My Marriage?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sat, Aug 30, 2014

Part 2 of 3

Let's continue looking at Carrie's marriage. She's wondering, "is my husband is depressed?"

Carrie's husband is unpredictable -- in his responses, behavior, and especially his emotions. She says she walks around on eggshells because of it. But could this really be a sign her husband is depressed?

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Tags: Understanding Men

Suicide in Men Is More Common Than We Think

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, Aug 24, 2014

We all got another example of what suicide in men looks like with the death of Robin Williams. One of the unfortunate things about his death and the depression that caused it is that they really aren’t that uncommon.

So let's talk about what suicide in men often really looks like. I had a client last week take some sleeping medication and then follow that up by drinking a bottle of gin (the large handle kind). He claims he wasn't trying to kill himself. Nevertheless, this is what suicide in men often looks like -- an emotionally driven poor decision.

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Tags: Understanding Men