Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

I'm Just Separated - Now What?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Apr 20, 2016

So if you’re just separated, now what? That's a very important question, and one to consider carefully and thoughtfully. Most separations are a jumbled combination of impulsiveness and some thought — but usually not a lot of thought about what the long-term, best interests of everyone involved would be, rather thinking about if and when to leave.

There are two sides to the ‘just separated, now what?’ scenario — the partner who separated and the one who had their partner leave. The one who leaves has usually been thinking about taking this action for a while, yet almost never has much of a plan once out the door. The partner who gets left behind can often be surprised and a lot of times doesn’t want the separation. As a result, commonly each partner will be asking the same question, "what now?", but from a different perspective and looking for a different kind of answer.
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Is Confronting the Other Woman Good or Bad?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Apr 07, 2016

I work all the time with couples that have been rocked by the affects of cheating being discovered. Some times partners ask me about confronting the other woman beforehand, but a lot of times I hear about it only after they've already done it.

Most women whose partner's have cheated want to confront the other woman. It some ways it's a natural, self-protective response. While their reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. Unfortunately, many don't think enough about whether or not it's a good idea. Since it feels like the right thing to do, they allow their emotions to determine their actions instead.
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How Come My Husband Doesn't Find Me Attractive After Baby?

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Wed, Mar 23, 2016

As the blog moderator at Guy Stuff Counseling, I see a lot of comments from people about all kinds of things. There are a few topics, however, that come up much more frequently than others, and sometimes a lot of the comments from readers on these topics are very similar to each other. One such topic is women saying their “husband doesn’t find me attractive after baby," and therefore feeling he no longer loves them.

Many of these kinds of comments are from women who just had babies within the last year or two. Here's an example:
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Understanding an Anger Addict

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Mar 10, 2016

Is there really such a thing as an anger addict? Actually, yes, there are people who have an addictive pattern when it comes to anger.

We all can get angry. That's normal. Some of us even have anger issues  that require us to learn how to manage anger.  What makes an anger addict different from these people is that there is a pattern to their anger. It's almost predictable, even rhythmic, and will happen with regularity, a bit like clockwork.
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The Best Midlife Crisis Forum Available

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Feb 25, 2016

Woman-Reading-Midlife-Crisis-Forum.jpgWhy would anybody ever want to join a midlife crisis forum? Unless you find some enjoyment in reading about others' pain, the only reason would be because you're in one yourself.

Nobody is ever prepared for a midlife crisis, and few of us have ever experienced one before. It isn't until it happens to you that you even want or need to learn about them. But when you're suddenly thrown into one it can feel pretty lonely, confusing, and scary, so it's understandable to want to connect with others who are going through the same thing. And a midlife crisis forum is the perfect place to do just that.
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How Porn Hurts Your Partner

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Feb 11, 2016

partner-hurt-by-pornPart 3 of 3

One of the things guys don't think about is how looking at porn affects their partners. It's very easy to think that porn is harmless and doesn't hurt anyone, but neither is true. The truth is porn hurts your partner - whether or not they admit or even know it.

A lot of men ask me how can porn hurt her when it has nothing to do with her? That's a good question. First, most women don't believe it doesn't have anything to do with them (as we'll see below). Second, as I wrote about in the last article about how porn can be bad for you, porn changes us and those changes affect our partner too. Lastly, it causes us to act in ways that are not loving.
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Is Porn Bad For You . . . Really?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Jan 28, 2016

Part 2 of 3

It's natural for men to want to look at women, right? Yes, it is. Men like to look at women, whether they'll admit to it or not, and especially naked women. So is porn bad for you? Yes, it is.

How can porn be bad if it's just a way to do something that comes naturally? That's a very good question. Let's look at some real-life stories about porn users to learn how. Below are a few excerpts of submissions we've received from women whose partners watch porn. Following each story I'll give some feedback and explanation for each situation. If you're asking, is porn bad for you, hopefully these people's stories will help you see how it can take a natural desire and change it in ways that are unhealthy.

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Looking for Porn Addiction Help? Here It Is.

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jan 13, 2016

Part 1 of 3

We hear every day from both men and their partners who are looking for porn addiction help. Men want to find out how to stop looking at porn, while the women in their lives are trying to understand why they watch porn and how to help them stop.

Porn is so common, but also so misunderstood. It's becoming more and more accepted as normal in our society, yet causes tremendous problems that are most often unseen, overlooked, or ignored. Men finding women attractive and desiring to look at a naked woman is normal. However, viewing porn takes this natural desire to a whole other level and changes men in unhealthy ways.

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Are There Really Any 'New' Relationship Problems?

Posted by Michelle Walsh, GSCC Product Manager on Tue, Dec 29, 2015

Do any 'new' relationship problems really exist or are they just the same old problems arising in a different form? For example, "we can't communicate" is a common complaint, so is text fighting a new problem or just a new version of the age-old communication problem?

At Guy Stuff Counseling we strive to stay on the front lines of solving relationship problems. Our website, blog, forum, and counseling allow us to do just that, but we don't always hear about every issue as soon as it begins, so we're asking for your help.

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I'm Depressed - What Do I Do?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Tue, Dec 15, 2015

Aren't the holidays supposed to be joyful? And not just Christmas and New Year's, but birthdays and the 4th of July are supposed to be happy times too. Well they aren't for everyone, so if you're saying, "I'm depressed - What do I do?" this time of the year, then you're far from alone.

Holidays just aren't enjoyable for everyone. In fact, it's not unusual at all to actually feel down, and even have the thought that "maybe I'm depressed." Despite all of the opportunities to be around others (family, friends, coworkers) and celebrating, they can be one of the loneliest times of the year for many of us. This is one of the biggest reasons people will say, "I hate the holidays."

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