Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Vitally Needed Divorce Help for Women

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Sep 30, 2015

Every Top 10 list of life's biggest stressors includes it. And it's usually right at the top, right below the biggest one of all, death of a loved one. So if you're a woman facing this life altering process, it's certainly understandable that you would be looking for some specific divorce help for women.

As a marriage counselor it's not my goal for couples to call it quits. I want to help people fix their relationships and make things work, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. So unfortunately I do divorce counseling too. I've found that one of the most common forms of divorce help women need is getting the courage to take the risk of living without their husband.
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3 Signs of Text Message Cheating

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Mon, Sep 14, 2015

It used to be if you wanted to have an affair it took some effort, but not any more. Sadly, text message cheating has become a simple way to cheat without much work at all.

Sometimes it's intentional and other times not. Regardless, text message cheating is a really easy way to start cheating, and often times not even realize it. Someone gets your cell number (a coworker, someone from the gym, a person you met at a party) and starts sending you friendly texts. Before you know it it's very easy to be having full-on conversations by text -- and most troubling to do so anytime, anywhere.
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10 Signs That You Have Anger Issues

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Thu, Aug 27, 2015

No one wants to admit they get angry, especially when it gets out of control and hurts the ones we love. But for some of us it happens often and so there are some pretty clear signs that you have anger issues that we all should be open to considering.

The best place to look for signs that you have anger management issues is with the people closest to you. Most people can do a pretty good job hiding anger from friends and coworkers, but it's our loved ones who see us when we're most real.
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How Long Does Midlife Crisis Last?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Aug 12, 2015

We all can act a little crazy at times, but when acting crazy-like becomes a pattern it can be an indication of something bigger. If you've discovered that your partner's strange behavior is due to a midlife crisis, then you're soon going to be asking just how long does midlife crisis last?

One of the toughest parts of a midlife crisis for partners is the uncertainty. Not only is what the next erratic behavior will be unknown, but so is just how long the midlife crisis will last. Ask any partner and they'll tell you the uncertainty is the hardest.
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Why Does Porn Feel Like Betrayal? 3 Reasons Why

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jul 29, 2015

A lot of women want to (or feel like they have to) be okay with porn viewing by their partner, but struggle with the feelings they have about it. One common feeling is of betrayal. But why does porn feel like betrayal?

It's not at all uncommon to feel this way. Many women struggle in secret with their feelings and have no idea that there are thousands and thousands of other women just like them in the same situation, wrestling with the same feeling of betrayal about porn and wondering why.
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Do Men Want Sex All The Time?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Tue, Jul 14, 2015

In this article I'll discuss 3 common beliefs about men and sex. There certainly are a lot of misperceptions associated with men and sex, but we'll start with these biggies. First, do men want sex all the time?

If we believe what we're told in the media, all guys ever want is sex. Most sitcoms have a prominent, or at a minimum an underlying, theme about men and their never ending pursuit of sex. Obviously, this is an overgeneralization, it is not true that men want sex all the time, but it is true that most men want sex more than most women.
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'Loves Me But Is Not In Love With Me' Explained

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Wed, Jul 01, 2015

My partner loves me but is not in love with me is one of the most painful things to have to accept. In fact, most partners cannot believe it when they hear it. Hearing these words typically comes as a complete shock.

What follows being told he loves me but is not in love with me is what makes hearing these words even harder to understand and accept. Often after this is said a bag gets packed and the partner leaves, separates or says they want a divorce. A woman I'm counseling right now came home to find a note on the kitchen counter saying not much more than, "I love you, but am no longer in love with you," and her husband had moved out.

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Who Is The Other Woman In My Marriage?

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Fri, Jun 19, 2015

What every wife fears the most is the other woman in my marriage. Whether it happens intentionally or innocently, the effect is still the same -- it's destructive.

As we all know, the technology we carry around with us gives us instant access to a lot of things that can become problems for us. One example is the ability to communicate with anyone, anywhere, anytime, which makes having another woman in your marriage something everyone is vulnerable to.
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What Relationship Abuse Really Looks Like

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, May 31, 2015

One of the difficult things about relationship abuse is that a lot of the times it doesn't look like abuse. A common result of it going unrecognized is that the victim often looks like the person with the problem rather than the abuser.

Everyone believes they can recognize relationship abuse. The stereotypical sign of an abusive relationship is a man hitting a woman, like former-NFL football player, Ray Rice, punching and knocking out his then fiancee, Janay, in an elevator last year. But the domestic violence form of relationship abuse is actually the minority form, it just happens to be the one that gets all of the publicity and is the easiest to recognize as being wrong.
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How To Get An Alcoholic Husband To Admit It

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Tue, May 19, 2015

One of the biggest obstacles for any alcoholic husband is getting past the label "alcoholic." Nearly all of the people I've treated for problem drinking have struggled to apply this term to them selves. Sadly, this one word prevents a lot of people from getting the help they really need.

If you think you may have an alcoholic husband then you probably know exactly what I am talking about. Notice above I didn't say I've treated alcoholics, nor people for alcoholism, but rather for problem drinking. That's the bottom line. It really doesn't matter whether or (most likely) not your husband is willing to call himself an alcoholic, what matters is that he'll acknowledge that his drinking causes problems. Getting to that admission is typically usually still a journey though.
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