Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
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Contents
Would you know what midlife crisis men symptoms look like?
A midlife crisis can happen to anyone. In fact, most people experience a distinct mental and emotional change during midlife and that’s completely normal. For the majority of them, however, this is more of a transition than a crisis.
There are some people though, especially men, who will experience a full-blown crisis. So, what are the symptoms of midlife crisis men?
Let’s take a look.
Men experiencing a midlife crisis can display a range of symptoms. Recently I worked with a woman, Angie, whose husband was acting strangely. Angie’s husband is a man experiencing a midlife crisis, although she didn’t realize it until we talked.
Angie told me about some of the changes she’d seen and asked me if these could be midlife crisis symptoms. She noted:
I explained to her that, yes, these can all be midlife crisis symptoms in men. The behavior seen in midlife crisis men can definitely look like one or all of these, and that’s not all.
Angie’s husband, Frank, has been doing the things she mentioned for the past 11 months. And despite how hard Angie has tried to understand, she just doesn’t get what’s happened with her husband. She says Frank used to think about others and now is focused only on himself.
When your spouse or loved one is going through a midlife crisis, feeling the way Angie does is very common. Midlife crisis men are particularly prone to acting selfishly and losing any capacity for empathy, especially when it comes to their wives or partners.
Wives and other family members often report that it seems to happen overnight, like a switch flips and he changed.
Trust me when I tell you, it didn’t. But seeing the growing symptoms of a midlife crisis developing in a man can be very challenging if you don’t know what to look for.
Angie asked me point blank,
How do you explain what happened to the man who once packed up the Thanksgiving dinner leftovers and took them to the homeless shelter, but now walks away from his crying kids without a care in the world?”
This insensitive and self-centered behavior isn’t anything like the man she married or the father her kids love. She’s even started to believe he doesn’t love her anymore, something she would never have thought of even a few months ago.
The symptoms of a midlife crisis can vary, but overwhelmingly it’s characterized by:
Angie went on to describe an interaction between her daughter and Frank.
I just want daddy to live with us. When can daddy live with us?”
6-year-old Jaden cried out as she sat in the car. When Frank approached she pleaded,
Daddy come home with us.”
Frank ignored her cries for him and quickly kissed her forehead, said goodbye and walked away.
Angie believes he was headed to the casino to meet up with the other woman.
As he walked away there was almost a neon sign on his back flashing, “MIDLIFE CRISIS MAN.”
Midlife crisis men behave in a way that defies common sense.
On the surface it looks crazy, but when you can understand what’s going on inside, the illogical behavior can be a little more understandable, even though it still is crazy.
Transitioning through midlife can cause many people to take a closer look at their lives. They begin asking themselves questions like,
This reflection can be a healthy reevaluation and allow for an appropriate resetting of priorities.
For some, however, all they can see is what they haven’t done, and they ask questions like,
And they determine it’s time to take care of number one – themselves.
Knowing there may be more time behind you than ahead of you can trigger regrets or even panic.
These thoughts and feelings will sometimes throw people into crisis mode and initiate bizarre and desperate behavior like Frank’s.
And although the inclination can make sense to some degree, the idea that someone might really risk their family, job, and life, rather than thoughtfully resetting goals and re-prioritizing, is hard to understand.
What we need to keep in mind is that, as selfish as it is, men with symptoms of a midlife crisis need help. Because their behavior is so damaging and self-centered, it can be hard to want to help midlife crisis men – the pain they cause often drives people away.
Without help, however, it can be difficult for midlife crisis men to recover, repair the damage, and re-engage with their lives and families, which is exactly what they need to do.
There are a lot of women like Angie – struggling to understand their husbands and save their families. Counseling women like her is what we do at Guy Stuff - we’re not just about counseling men.
If a man you love is dealing with midlife crisis symptoms, like having an affair, irresponsible spending, and abandoning their family, it’s time to get help.
Remember:
A midlife crisis does generally come to an end and midlife crisis men can begin to recognize what they’ve done and experience regrets.
The best bet for shortening a midlife crisis and limiting the damage is to seek counseling as soon as possible.
If you’d like more information on midlife crisis men symptoms and their behaviors, you can read more of our articles here - midlife crisis.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 10, 2011, updated on May 28, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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6 months ago my husband left me after 29 years of marrage he wants nothing to do with my kids or grandchildren he was after his brothers girlfreind before his brother passed away this girl has nothing to offer him no car job and shes on ssi and is lieing about her sickness not telling him what she really has shes verry well known and sick and old looking she claims shes 38 hes 50 we had no problems in my marrage he just told me he didnt want to be married anymore and his brother passed and his been loving with her since then he left me woth every responsability of our house and he acts like he never had a family or grandchildren i still love him and cant believe ha lowerd him self to be with this lowlife not to mention we had a good life no money problems bills were paid and we had a vacation planed the week he decided to leave me he did it so sneaky this is a diffrent man not the one i married i think of him alll day and night do u think this is mlc
Claire, I can't say for sure if it's a MLC without knowing your husband. If it is, he is responsible for his own behavior and it's something he will have to work out for himself. Read the other articles in the Midlife Crisis section, as well as Cheating Spouse for some ideas and suggestions for what you can do. -Kurt
I'm hoping that my post will help others understand what is happening to men during this time. I'm 45 and have been married 23 years, and for the last 2 have been going through the symptoms of mid-year. To start it's like having a withdrawal, or an itch that grows worse but I can't scratch it. I often think about what could have been and how I was when I was younger... the marriage is in a Ruth, and although I try to reach out to her for help, the response is the same.. yes we can try..but there isn't any follow through... This becomes wearing and feeds the desire for change. Sexton has become what I call pitty sex, where she waits until the last minute and the is motionless, and shows no expression. I fear what will happen if I get a simple smile from another.. but I don't want to go that route... Outside the bedroom she is all smiles and food... somehow I think she believes the cleaning, and the food solves all the needs... I do feel deeply that if I don't make a change that's close to what I originally thought for my life that my time will be gone and age will have won. I will try to write more as I deal with these issues.. and share the thoughts and struggle I'm currently dealing with....
Scottsman, please get yourself some help. Don't give up on the marriage. The bedroom issue is partly because she feels disconnected from you. She probably doesn't feel loved. You can make it better, but you can't place all the blame on her. You sound very much like my ex. When he told me about his MLC, I took the blame. I did all sorts of things in the bedroom, some of which made me uncomfortable. In the end, he left anyway. MC is tricky. It brings out a lot of arguments. I found that to be a waste of time. He was completely detached already. You sound like you may be too. The thing you need to realize is that destroying your marriage will not make it better. I am heartbroken at the loss of mine. I look at my ex and I can see he has gotten nowhere. I almost pity him (except I am still so angry with him). His dating life is a disaster. He threw away a great life and family and there is no way to regain it. Please don't make the same mistake.
He bought all these new clothes and said that they were too big for him and gave them all away. He bought new shoes, watches and wanted to buy a new car. He said that his life is too monotone that he wanna sell his established business that he runs for 20 years. He then said that he needs a break and wanna go overseas for 3 weeks. He asked me if I will be ok working and looking after our finances and our kids while he is away. He hugs me when we sleep and we have regular sex. I saw him today touching one of his staff's bottom. If he's having an affair, my heart will be crushed to pieces. I didn't confront him and acted normal. We've been together for 15 years and married for 12 years. He's 45 and I am so confused right now. Things will be changed when his business is sold. Then leaving me alone with the kids? I don't know if I can go through this. I am so scared right now.
Becky, keep your head up! My husband just turned 60 and for the last two years has not been the same man I married. We would go to church faithfully then one day out of the blues he stopped going. Excuses excuses he says he has no interest in nothing I'm feeling included in that statement. For Valentines I got nothing, I've been keeping myself preoccupied by working a lot I love him and my marriage means everything to me. But I feel like I'm on a roller coaster one day he is okay next day it's like he has no life in him. I'm so exhausted by his behavior. My mom is on hospice, my sister stage 4 cancer, I thought he'd be here for me for support and now I'm so all alone. I'm putting my trust in God that if this is something that's no good for me he just remove him from life. I'm getting fed up but I won't walk out.
Debbie, I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing. I know it's devastating, an emotional roller coaster.