Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
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Contents
Would you know what midlife crisis men symptoms look like?
A midlife crisis can happen to anyone. In fact, most people experience a distinct mental and emotional change during midlife and that’s completely normal. For the majority of them, however, this is more of a transition than a crisis.
There are some people though, especially men, who will experience a full-blown crisis. So, what are the symptoms of midlife crisis men?
Let’s take a look.
Men experiencing a midlife crisis can display a range of symptoms. Recently I worked with a woman, Angie, whose husband was acting strangely. Angie’s husband is a man experiencing a midlife crisis, although she didn’t realize it until we talked.
Angie told me about some of the changes she’d seen and asked me if these could be midlife crisis symptoms. She noted:
I explained to her that, yes, these can all be midlife crisis symptoms in men. The behavior seen in midlife crisis men can definitely look like one or all of these, and that’s not all.
Angie’s husband, Frank, has been doing the things she mentioned for the past 11 months. And despite how hard Angie has tried to understand, she just doesn’t get what’s happened with her husband. She says Frank used to think about others and now is focused only on himself.
When your spouse or loved one is going through a midlife crisis, feeling the way Angie does is very common. Midlife crisis men are particularly prone to acting selfishly and losing any capacity for empathy, especially when it comes to their wives or partners.
Wives and other family members often report that it seems to happen overnight, like a switch flips and he changed.
Trust me when I tell you, it didn’t. But seeing the growing symptoms of a midlife crisis developing in a man can be very challenging if you don’t know what to look for.
Angie asked me point blank,
How do you explain what happened to the man who once packed up the Thanksgiving dinner leftovers and took them to the homeless shelter, but now walks away from his crying kids without a care in the world?”
This insensitive and self-centered behavior isn’t anything like the man she married or the father her kids love. She’s even started to believe he doesn’t love her anymore, something she would never have thought of even a few months ago.
The symptoms of a midlife crisis can vary, but overwhelmingly it’s characterized by:
Angie went on to describe an interaction between her daughter and Frank.
I just want daddy to live with us. When can daddy live with us?”
6-year-old Jaden cried out as she sat in the car. When Frank approached she pleaded,
Daddy come home with us.”
Frank ignored her cries for him and quickly kissed her forehead, said goodbye and walked away.
Angie believes he was headed to the casino to meet up with the other woman.
As he walked away there was almost a neon sign on his back flashing, “MIDLIFE CRISIS MAN.”
Midlife crisis men behave in a way that defies common sense.
On the surface it looks crazy, but when you can understand what’s going on inside, the illogical behavior can be a little more understandable, even though it still is crazy.
Transitioning through midlife can cause many people to take a closer look at their lives. They begin asking themselves questions like,
This reflection can be a healthy reevaluation and allow for an appropriate resetting of priorities.
For some, however, all they can see is what they haven’t done, and they ask questions like,
And they determine it’s time to take care of number one – themselves.
Knowing there may be more time behind you than ahead of you can trigger regrets or even panic.
These thoughts and feelings will sometimes throw people into crisis mode and initiate bizarre and desperate behavior like Frank’s.
And although the inclination can make sense to some degree, the idea that someone might really risk their family, job, and life, rather than thoughtfully resetting goals and re-prioritizing, is hard to understand.
What we need to keep in mind is that, as selfish as it is, men with symptoms of a midlife crisis need help. Because their behavior is so damaging and self-centered, it can be hard to want to help midlife crisis men – the pain they cause often drives people away.
Without help, however, it can be difficult for midlife crisis men to recover, repair the damage, and re-engage with their lives and families, which is exactly what they need to do.
There are a lot of women like Angie – struggling to understand their husbands and save their families. Counseling women like her is what we do at Guy Stuff - we’re not just about counseling men.
If a man you love is dealing with midlife crisis symptoms, like having an affair, irresponsible spending, and abandoning their family, it’s time to get help.
Remember:
A midlife crisis does generally come to an end and midlife crisis men can begin to recognize what they’ve done and experience regrets.
The best bet for shortening a midlife crisis and limiting the damage is to seek counseling as soon as possible.
If you’d like more information on midlife crisis men symptoms and their behaviors, you can read more of our articles here - midlife crisis.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 10, 2011, updated on May 28, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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Nine months ago, my hubby, I live you, not in live anymore. Since then git divorced, his wishes , sold our dream home. After 19 yrs marriage, 28 yrs together, moving by myself to one be apt, he moved as well and went back with his first GF who had a miscarriage when he was in Marines. They are going to move in together. Complete blindside. I'm completely list, alone, lost 35 lbs, my health, work and self esteem suffering and just started seeing counselor who told me I'm one if her worst patients.. Dies this ever turn around? Do they ever come "home"???? I miss him dearly 😒
Debra, You can only control what you do. Midlife crisis is all about change, and it's unpredictable since everyone's experience is different. It's good that you sought out counseling for support. -Kurt
Well I know I'm going through it!
I get feelings an thoughts about people younger than older than me dying so quick, without warning. I'm still relatively fit an healthy.
In some areas of my life I have simply given up, especially my marriage of 20 yrs.Hardly any communication between the 2 of us.
I try to have "safe conversations" but that don't work either, so why bother...
It just doesnt seem important enuff to fight for ne more..
There's much more, that's the main points anyway.
Thanks for listening Kurt
My boyfriend of 3 years so abruptly broke up with me via text on Christmas Eve morning. He did not like what I had to say- bcs probably my texts made him feel bad so he blocked me from his phone. Now I hear he got a plastic surgery, bought a huge ugly van and sold his jeep for some expensive sport car. He sent me a text a week ago telling me he unblocked me so that we can exchange our items( he already told me in an email)could he going through midlife crisis? Should I say anything to him to maybe help him? Or should I just forget and move on?
I think my husband of 16 yrs (been together 20) is suffering from a MLC as well. Out of the blue six months ago he announced that he wants a divorce and isn't happy-within two weeks he had a piece of property that we used to own up for sale. All this came after I suspected something was off and went through our phone records and found he was talking daily for months to a woman that he'd met on his job. He claimed that they were only friends and that they went to lunch together a few times and he'd kissed her once but he wasn't announcing his unhappiness due to his relationship with her. Since then he is working feverishly to get our finances in order and custody of our two youngest kids worked out with mebso that we can separate. During this six months he has locked me out of his phone, he hides his car keys and lies to my face about where he has been and what he's been doing. He still claims that he isn't seeing her anymore (because oh by the way she is married too) he says she is trying to work things out with her husband which I don't believe as I found hairs all over the inside of his vehicle the same color as her hair, when my hair is black! He just went out and applied for places to rent and got a call that he was accepted - meanwhile he is selling everything of ours that he can and paying off everything else. Now he is dancing around the house smiling laughing and singing like he is on cloud nine. I can't help but think it is in anticipation of guilt free sex with his side whore. It makes me sick and i hope some day I can get over it and move on happily with my life.
My hubby of 17 year told me 3 weeks ago that he had a vasectomy 16 months ago, while I was visiting my sick mom. His excuse was that it will end our argument of having more kids or not. We have had our problems, but have found ways to deal with it, but I'm not sure how to 'get over' this one. It's not so the 'not having kids' (it's bad too) any more, but that he did it behind my back without asking or discussing it with me. Now I'm questioning everything he does (or doesn't do) or say (or doesn't say). I have always been the one that will do anything to save the marriage, but I have lost the fight in me with this one. Does this bring us to the end?
Carin, I believe there is always hope and believe there is a way for couples to reconcile. Obviously, there are underlying factors here. It may be wise to see a professional marriage counselor and get to bottom of what brought this on. -Kurt