60 comments on “What Do Women Think About Porn?”

1. I read dozens of anti-porn articles as of late and I feel overwhelmed at the fact that people have no problems at all “calling out” men on porn use, but make light of women who do the same. Moreover the effect that it has on men. Weird that people complain about men not having feelings but when they are expressed it is dismissed at if they don’t exist. There is lays the joke in a world being turned upside down by feminists(from 1965-current year), LGBT...whatever, and SJWs. Did I mention Identity politics? Yep, that too. It seems that in the last 10~15 years. It’s okay to shame men into submission. To drive up male depression and self loathing by use of social media as well as other forms of media. Academics are no different because they often lead or support the rally call against heterosexual males. I don’t believe that women really care about the men that watch porn. Especially those that are now married or in a committed relationship. They knew about their partners use. Even the ones that stated they never knew. It’s impossible to hide after years of being a couple and living together. So, they likely let it go on for year leading to their “confession.” Which means they neglected their men or maybe even enjoyed not being pestered into having sex until all attention was gone. Oh, the a disruption to the level of attention/affection was taken under their nose. But like most women in the western world with freed sexuality’s they never thought to reflect but instead deflect. Love was lost before it began and they knew it but turn off the need to feel responsible by conveniently buying the pressure on men alone. And what if those men that are still single or never had a chance to be in a relationship. Or those rejecting relationships all together because of the world he sees himself in. Or those that go MGTOW that have been male victim by the same. Yeah, f*ck them too right. And you wonder why. But feel turned on more by the false sense of power. All symbolized by a ring or time passing. LOL

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2. Young girls are standardly lied to by society and fed fairy tales about relationships - from Sleeping Beauty to Pretty Woman and a whole lot in between. Pink clothes and glittery stars for heaven's sake. No mother tells her daughter the full complex story. A mother thinks it's just her own unfortunate experience and it would be wrong and ugly to drop opinion bombs or one sided lessons on their young child. As a result few girls turn into women fully prepared and each of us learns the lessons of sexual relationships, sexual politics, as if it were the very first time it has happened. (This is the reason for the failure of Feminism BTW. Households do not unite behind the feminist effort, and women lie to each other - contrast this with campaigns against racism, antisemitism, where households, generations, whole streets and neighbourhoods back the same battles) Back to porn - I think it can be accepted that there is an essential tension between what a woman wants, generally speaking, and what a man wants, generally speaking, and relationships require compromises and unselfishness, which fewer men are prepared for than used to be the case. But let us not lie to each other - men and women are not the same. And where religion and society used to keep people in order, there's no need these days to deny yourself anything because there is no eternal damnation in this world or the next, only a few disorientated and unhappy woman left trying to work out why the world does not work for them. If I had been properly prepared by society I would not have married...... but given that I did marry maybe if I'd been properly prepared I'd have at least recognised serious trouble when I found my husband being unfaithful in my own bed less than a year after marriage and with me 3 months pregnant. That is not love. Can the relationship have been stale already? Tears, sincere promises, protestations of love and eternal fidelity... and hormonally challenged as I was I agreed to try again. This is pre online porn but there had been a few signs of roving sexual interest before that but I was not equipped to judge. Anyway a leopard does not change his spots. From that time on my husband kept his activities successful hidden for 30+ years - a pillar of society, very successful. During this time I made the usual accommodations. The relationship was disappointing to me, yes, but he refused therapy and the kids provided purpose and anyway it was functional in non-emotional ways. I was useful to him socially and made his passage through the world easier and more pleasant, and for me, I did not believe in divorce. The way I was brought up meant I told myself no relationship is perfect and you need to compromise and be realistic - that is until it all exploded in my face. First I discovered a "girlfriend" he had just been on holiday with, and then over weeks I discovered LOTS of porn, prostitutes, massage parlours, multiple more "girlfriends", and an almost second family. Sex addiction and porn can escalate and it destroys relationships. My husband, it turned out, was a truly outstanding liar. He had been unfaithful since before we were married. It is his blag no doubt that made him successful in his career. The family fell away from him and divorce followed. He had used his children as excuses "to travel" in pursuit of his sex fixes and other things were discovered too which the children found hard to accept. My son wanted to beat his father up and has had a hard time with this and it will have affected his sense of self. It turns out my eldest daughter knew about the porn and this is a major burden for her. Also, her health may have been affected by the shock I experienced when I was pregnant with her. Another daughter was used while abroad as reason for my husband to go visit a girlfriend. As for me, I am finding my way back to the REAL. I had a full breakdown, supported only by my children, mainly my son. I had lived a lie for 30 years and the unveiling of it meant serious psychological shock. It is the deceit, and realisation that you colluded with your own destruction. These are things you must come to terms with: the past, the present, and future plans ware all fictions and do not exist. The safe space you called home was never safe. Your lover is your worst enemy. You may also be your own enemy. You have allowed your children to be harmed. As friends fell away my former rosy understanding of human relationships in general was also destroyed. I spent 3 years very unwell and isolated. I moved house, lost all my friends in this country, several of whom betrayed me in little ways. I developed various health problems. I did kick smoking though (YES!) and I refused to drink for solace - I wanted to see it all for what it really was in full daylight and mentally present. I had until then been someone who could cope with everything, tough. Now though my whole philosophy and engagement with the world has been destroyed and nothing has replaced it yet, so immensely destabilising. I can no longer cope with stress. I can't decide what to do with my life. I won't kill myself, but this is a very dark and ugly place. As several philosophers have pointed out, if you look really honestly at what life is composed of you might not get up in the mornings. Lessons - 1. you don't become a sex addict without there being fall out. Lives can be ruined. 2. Where there is porn, there is desire. All you need after that is opportunity. A porn addict IS a sex addict. 3. Some people prefer to fool themselves about their relationships. If a man if using porn, it is never good for the woman. 4. If a man is doing something which is not good for his partner, he is actively damaging her. This is not love unless he is really really demonstrably trying to kick the habit.

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3. Interesting texts and answers. Personal experience matter. But believing you are all to another person is also damaging. Shaming others (women and men) for using porn is common. Talking about things in a non-shaming way is way better than living with open secrets.

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