You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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Marriage is a utopian lovefest, right? Umm – no. Not for most of us.
Marriage takes work – anyone who’s been married for over a year or two knows that. Or at least they should. But sometimes the work doesn’t seem to be enough and doesn’t, well, work the way it’s supposed to. If you’re seeing loveless marriage signs, you know what I mean.
The frustrating part about the signs of a loveless marriage is that they’re not always clear like street signs.
A street sign will clearly tell you to “Stop,” “Merge,” or “Exit.”
Loveless marriage signs are more like subtle suggestions that eventually progress into dire proclamations. They start by quietly saying you should think about where you’re going in case you decide you don’t want to go there or need additional options, and when ignored, end with a loud, “Point of no return!”
The trick is to recognize these subtle loveless marriage signs and act on them before you reach that point of no return and the love is really gone.
Easier said than done?
Of course, the most difficult things are.
But there are some common signs of a loveless marriage that you can look for. Below are the top 8 along with tips about how to handle each one.
Check out these common signs the love is gone.
Communication? You mean telling each other where to pick up the kids or deciding what to have for dinner?
Remember when you couldn’t wait to tell your spouse about every little detail of your day? Now, it’s just the administrative details of life punctuated by occasional bickering.
If conversations in your house sound more like a silent film than a romantic comedy, that’s a big red flag. Silence isn’t always golden, sometimes, it’s just awkward and lonely. And a sign that love is fading.
Pro Tip: Start small. A simple “How was your day?” and a smile can be the first step toward re-establishing communication. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, combine it with a hug or kiss. Physical connection can say more than words in many cases.
Separate beds? Next stop, separate lives.
Once upon a time, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Now, you sleep in separate rooms, and the excitement of physical closeness and intimacy has been replaced with a mutual understanding that personal space is the new sexy. Chances are that at this point you’re too busy and tired to see this for what it is – a loveless marriage sign.
If you’re more excited about buying new sheets than using them together, something’s up.
Pro Tip: Try rekindling the spark with small gestures of affection. A surprise cuddle or even a casual touch can reignite the physical connection that’s gone missing. Be careful not to rush things, though. If it’s been a while, too much too fast can feel desperate or forced.
“Netflix and Chill”? More like Jeopardy reruns and sleep.
Remember when date night was the highlight of your week? Now, spending a romantic evening together seems as exciting as unloading the dishwasher.
If the closest you get to a date night is both of you scrolling through your phones while sitting in the same room, it’s time to take a hard look at your relationship.
Pro Tip: Revive date night but keep it simple. It doesn’t have to be a five-star restaurant or an elaborate, moonlit picnic. Sometimes, just cooking together at home or going for a walk can bring back that sense of togetherness.
Hugging out of obligation? That’s a loveless marriage sign.
You used to be like magnets drawn to each other. Remember smiling at each other and making playful gestures?
Now, you only touch when you bump elbows jockeying for sink space while brushing your teeth. And then it causes irritation and friction.
If affection feels forced or like another item on your to-do list, that’s a sign your love machine is running on empty.
Pro Tip: Schedule in some affection. It sounds silly, but sometimes setting aside time for physical closeness can remind you both of the feelings you once shared. Start with something simple, like a goodnight kiss, and see where it leads.
Dreaming of being single? That’s a BIG red flag.
It’s one thing to need a little “me time” every now and then, but if you find yourself daydreaming about how good life would be if you weren’t married (or were with someone else), it’s a clear sign something’s off.
When your fantasies of freedom outnumber your fantasies about your partner, it’s a loveless marriage sign.
Pro Tip: Before packing your bags (even mentally), talk to your spouse about your feelings. It might be uncomfortable, but addressing the issue head-on is the first step to figuring out what’s really going on.
Does the sound of her chewing make you want to scream? Are you convinced that he breathes loudly just to irritate you?
You used to find their quirks endearing, but now, just being in the same room can send you into a fit. If every little thing they do seems designed to annoy you, it’s a sign that the emotional connection is fraying.
Pro Tip: Take a step back and ask yourself if it’s really them or if there’s something deeper going on. Sometimes the things that annoy us the most are reflections of larger issues in the relationship. Try to address the underlying feelings instead of the surface-level irritations.
“Okay,” “Whatever,” “I don’t care.” Keeping the peace is best, right? Not always.
Disagreeing isn’t fun, but it’s a necessary part of any healthy relationship. If you’ve both stopped arguing altogether, it’s probably not because you’ve achieved marital nirvana. It’s more likely that you’ve just stopped caring enough to fight.
Avoiding conflict might keep things calm on the surface, but it usually means deeper issues are being ignored. And it’s a clear loveless marriage sign.
Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to stir the pot (gently). Addressing issues directly, even if it leads to a disagreement, shows that you still care about the relationship. Just remember to fight fairly - no personal attacks.
Has “You do you” has taken on a whole new meaning?
It’s healthy to have separate interests and friends, but if you’re living entirely separate lives, it’s a sign that the love in your marriage is on life support - barely.
Pro Tip: Find a shared activity that you both enjoy. It could be as simple as a weekly movie night or as involved as a new hobby you can learn together. Reconnecting over shared interests can help rebuild the bond that’s been lost.
Okay, so you’ve read through the list and maybe recognized one (or eight) of the loveless marriage signs in your own relationship.
It’s very common for Dr. Kurt to work with couples in loveless marriages. In his experience,
The causes of a loveless marriage don't happen overnight. They're things we forget to do (show appreciation for each other), or new things we now do (prioritize 'me time' over 'us time'), that over time become the norm. These things lead to a slow drift apart, which can be easy not to see while it's happening, but the end effect can be the realization that there's no love left. However, that doesn't have to be the end of the story. Love and connection can be rebuilt if we're willing to put in the effort. So reread these loveless marriage signs and ask yourself which of the tips are you going to commit to doing for the next month?"
The good news? A loveless marriage doesn’t have to stay loveless. There are steps you can take to start turning things around.
Start by talking to your spouse about how you’re feeling. It might be uncomfortable, but honesty is key. Try sending them a link to this article and ask them how many of these loveless signs they see. Maybe they’ve noticed the same issues and are just as lost as you are.
Small gestures, like leaving a sweet note or planning a surprise date, can make a big difference in your connection to each other and can help you remember why you got married in the first place.
Sometimes focusing on self-improvement can help relationships as well. Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby, getting in shape, or just taking time to reflect on what you want out of life, a happier you can lead to a happier marriage.
Couples counseling isn’t just for relationships on the brink of disaster. It can be a proactive way to address issues before they become insurmountable. A counselor can help you communicate better and understand each other’s needs.
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, it might be time to consider whether staying together is the best option for both of you. It’s a tough decision, but sometimes the healthiest choice is to let go if there’s no willingness to change.
Every marriage goes through rough patches. Experiencing some of these loveless marriage signs doesn’t automatically mean you’re headed for divorce.
The important things are to,
There’s always a path to bringing the love back. The question is whether or not you’re both willing to walk it.
With effort, loveless marriage signs can be stopped and reversed.
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