What Do Women Think About Porn?

By Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC, May 30, 2023

5 Min Read

Contents

What Real Women Think About Porn
The Truth About How Porn Makes Women Feel
What To Take Away
What Readers Have To Say (50+ comments)

Part 3 of 3 on Porn for Women

It’s no secret that many men are turned on by and enjoy porn.

And when asked and being honest, most of those men will tell you they don’t see a problem with porn.

But what do women think about porn?

Before you read any further, take a moment and consider what you believe most women think about porn.

As with men, women’s opinions about porn can vary. But if you guessed that most women feel somewhere between conflicted about porn and wholly against it, you’d be on the right track.

It shouldn’t be surprising that most women are less interested and accepting of porn. It’s something that most believe sets unrealistic expectations about sex and creates a form of intangible competition for the attention of the men they love.

As you’ll see below, for women the overall effect of porn from a psychological perspective can be very detrimental.

What Real Women Think About Porn

In the last 2 articles, we answered the questions: Do Women Like Porn? And, Do Women Watch Porn?

Now let's hear from some real women and find out what do women think about porn.

Below are excerpts from the comments section of just one of our articles on porn, the majority of which are aimed at examining men and porn.

In response to the article, Why Men Watch Porn, many women have written in to express their opinion and explain how porn makes them feel.

Here is what just a few of those women think about porn and what it does to them when their husbands or boyfriends choose to watch it:

"Porn makes me feel like I don't look good enough for him and that I don't please him so he has to go to that. I don't like it. I seriously work my butt off to stay in shape and being in the mood for him even when I am tired."
"It makes me feel horrible and I am a woman with a strong sex drive and I do many things that give him pleasure that many women wouldn't do. I feel as though I can't trust him although he says that he has never cheated on me."
"I just discovered he's lied to me our entire relationship that he looks at porn . . . he refuses to stop, he wants it to be just his thing, and also allow our sex life as a couple to dissolve. Will someone make sense of this for me. If I'm bending over backwards for more involvement with him, and he denies me of it and is continuing to be selfish and satisfy himself and only use me when he can't be alone to use porn, why should I stay?"
"By its very nature, porn is exploitative. I was told by my husband that if I had done to him the things he has done to me and our marriage with porn our marriage would be over. It's the he can, but I can't thing."

What are you noticing about how these women think and feel about porn?

"Last night while using his phone to look something up I found that he's been visiting several sites. It really hurt me that he shut me out of his fantasy. Especially since I ask him often about his wildest desires. I take pride in being a great girlfriend/wife. I'll pretty well do anything he asks. Hell, I've lost 40 lbs in 2 months and started being more seductive. Why couldn't he just be honest with me? Why hide it? Why lie about it?"
"My boyfriend . . . still refuses to stop buying it even though he clearly knows how much it upsets me. It is, for me anyway, a situation of being with a man who shows little to no respect for women, not even the one he claims to love and I believe it is the same for many others who have that problem with their partners."

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"Men looking at pornography in secrecy is disrespectful to their partner. . . I feel betrayed, because all my efforts to achieve something significant for our life is not reciprocated. I feel alone in my relationship."
"My boyfriend looks at porn every night when he's at work. I'm trying to get use to the fact that he watches it but I can't help but feel that I'm not good enough, I'm not sexy enough, my breasts aren't big enough."
"I have not mentioned that I know he still abuses porn. I don't know what to do. I love my husband so much but I really can't deal with the reality that I am not enough. That he doesn't love me enough to stop. I'm hurt, I'm pissed and I'm confused."
"I was soo hurt that I want to walk away. I told him how i felt and he accused me of being insecure and ignorant. He doesn't see what he is doing as hurtful. I don't know what to do because I feel that I am not what he truly wants."

See any themes here?

The Truth About How Porn Makes Women Feel

So, how do women feel about porn?

These women make it very clear that they feel porn is selfish and dishonest among other things.

It makes them feel like they’re not good enough for their partner and not important enough. They feel betrayed, hurt, and angry.

The impact of porn on a woman’s self-esteem can be devastating. Not to mention the effects it has on the trust and intimacy in their relationship.

While many men feel that porn is a victimless pastime, as you can see, many women will tell you something very different. And it’s these feelings that need to be considered more by the men in their lives.

What To Take Away

Porn can be a very touchy subject in relationships. Ultimately, whether it has a place in yours is a personal decision.

But in making that decision, understanding what women really think about porn is crucial.

So, if you’re trying to determine what to do about your porn viewing and if the woman in your life will be (or really is) accepting of it, remember the following things:

Porn can make a women feel like they’re not good enough for you and unable to satisfy you sexually.
It can also set unrealistic expectations for sexual behavior in the bedroom. Women feel pressured to compete with what’s being done on the screen.
Porn can cause emotional and psychological damage to women.

For more information related to women and porn, read the first 2 articles in this series and you'll know this isn't what all women think about porn (links are in the Related Articles section below).

But these comments by far represent how the majority of women we work with and hear from at Guy Stuff think and feel about porn.

You can read even more comments from women about porn on these popular posts:

What do you think about porn? Please share your thoughts with others below.

Editor's Note: This post was originally published July 21, 2012, updated on December 12, 2019 and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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