What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
6 Min Read
Contents
Most of us hope that the amount sex we have at the beginning of a marriage is what we can expect for the duration. Unfortunately, for many couples that’s simply not the reality. If you find yourself living in a sexless marriage, you’re probably wondering what happened and how you can fix it.
The truth is that marriages go through many up and downs.
You may even find that the busy schedules of family and work life make sex an afterthought at best.
At some point, many couples find themselves living in a sexless marriage and that can be an issue. A big one.
Short answer is, well – there’s no good short answer to this question.
If you’re living in a sexless marriage you aren’t alone, however. Some studies say that up to 20% of marriages suffer problems with little or no sexual intimacy.
Over years the stress of the day-to-day grind can take its toll on a marriage and certain things - like sex - can fall by the wayside.
But just because it happens to many couples doesn’t mean it’s okay.
Sex is an important part of a strong and healthy marriage, and when it’s missing it can leave couples dissatisfied with each other and open them up to a host of other problems.
So, while a sexless marriage isn’t uncommon it’s also not a normal state for most happy and connected couples. If sex has become infrequent or disappeared as a regular activity, you should consider it a warning sign for larger problems and something that should be addressed.
For most of us our sexuality is an important part of life and who we are.
Our desire for sex can ebb and flow depending upon what’s going on in our lives, but for the most part sex is a fun, important and pleasurable way to enjoy closeness with another person. Keeping this aspect of your relationship strong within your marriage is particularly important.
Sexual activity also engages the pleasure centers of your brain. The endorphins released help to deepen the feelings of love you have for your spouse. Studies have shown that in the longest and most successful marriages couples make a point to have sex regularly.
Does that mean these couples are consistently and uncontrollable hot for one another? Nope.
Does it mean that they’re always “in the mood”? Nope – it doesn’t mean that either.
It simply means that these couples recognize the importance of physical intimacy and what it does for each of them and their relationship.
Physical contact in marriage brings you closer as a couple and helps keep you bonded to one another. It also strengthens trust and leaves you feeling more connected.
When there is no sex in a marriage these feelings and connection can become weaker.
A sexless marriage isn’t doomed to fail, but it’s made a great deal more difficult in most circumstances.
In order for a marriage to survive when there is no sex or intimacy both partners need to be of the same mind when it comes to that aspect of their relationship. Most couples, however, are not.
Typically, in a relationship where there is no sexual intimacy one partner is okay with it while the other isn’t and this can lead to a lot of issues.
Lack of sexual desire for your spouse, or disinterest in sex overall, can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes there can be a health or biological component to this, but most often it’s reflective of circumstances or issues within the relationship itself.
For instance, a new baby can put the brakes on a couple’s sex life. A woman may feel overwhelmed with motherhood or even uncomfortable with her post-baby body and therefore not want to be intimate.
Or a man may have a hard time reconciling the woman who is now a mother with the woman he was comfortable having sex with.
These situations usually rectify themselves over time, but if a couple isn’t careful and attentive to making time for their intimate life, they can easily find themselves living in a sexless marriage.
Lack of sex in a marriage can also be due to a couple having grown apart.
This can become a vicious cycle.
We don’t have sex because we aren’t close and we don’t get closer because we aren’t intimate anymore.”
A marriage in this situation is likely to encounter issues or not be able to reconcile problems because their bond isn’t strong enough to help them move forward.
And in a marriage where one partner wants to be intimate and the other doesn’t, resentment and anger can build.
Respect for the marriage, the vows and the other person need to be shown. Telling a person who still wants the closeness of a sexual relationship that they can’t have it will create a divide in the marriage and make other, possibly smaller challenges, seem insurmountable.
So, whether a marriage without sex can survive depends a lot upon the circumstances in the marriage itself. It’s fair to say, however, that a sexless marriage is probably not as strong or stable as those where there is a healthy sex life.
Dr. Kurt often counsels couples dealing with challenges in their sex lives. When asked for some insight he had this to say,
One of the places where the differences between partners arises the most is around sex. Most often it's about the frequency of sex, but other complaints I hear regularly are about interest, initiating, or variety. 'She never initiates' or 'it's always the same and only about him getting off.' The phrase 'sexless marriage' is frequently used by spouses to describe how they feel about their sex life more so than that there literally is no sex. It conveys not just the infrequent or lack of sex, but the deep unhappiness with the sex in their marriage."
That’s not an easy question to answer. How you handle being in a sexless marriage depends a lot upon the reasons you’re not having sex.
To begin with you need to determine why your sexual relationship has broken down.
If it’s a matter of,
or something completely different.
Once you’ve identified the problem or problems you’ll have a place to start when it comes to fixing things. And no, you can’t just point at your spouse and say, “they’re the problem.”
If it’s your spouse who has shut the door to sex, there’s a reason.
You’ll need to work together to determine what is causing their resistance.
Reigniting your sex life is as much about good communication in your marriage as it is about anything else. Letting your partner know (probably again) in a gentle and respectful way that you would like to regain the intimacy you once shared is a good starting point.
You’ll also need to have patience.
A happy, healthy sex life takes the willingness and desire of both spouses. If your relationship has been in a sexual dry spell for a while, getting back to a point where you both feel comfortable and satisfied may take some time.
It’s possible, however, that the problems that have led you to this point go deeper than what a conversation and patience can solve.
In this case you’ll have some work to do together as a couple before you can really create stability in your sex life. Often a marriage counselor can be of help in these circumstances.
There are some that feel that if there is no sex in their marriage they should be allowed to find it somewhere else.
Lack of sex in a marriage is often a reason given for cheating – especially by men.
It seems only fair, right?
If you’re a person with a healthy sex drive, feeling like you’ll never have sex again if you stay faithful is a tough and depressing position.
But no matter how great the temptation is to seek sex with in someone outside your marriage, cheating on your spouse is never the answer.
Yes, a marriage devoid of sex can be very difficult, and it will cause you to be vulnerable to the affection of someone else, but stepping outside your marriage will make whatever brought you to this point exponentially worse.
The better option is to work with your spouse to bring that aspect of your marriage back to a healthy state.
If your sex life has fizzled and you’re living in a marriage without sex you and your spouse are missing out on a very special and important part of married life.
Sadly, many couples living in a marriage without sex become complacent. It just becomes who they are and how their relationship operates.
Keep the following in mind if you’re living in a sexless marriage:
With effort and patience, you and your spouse can bring sex back into your sexless marriage.
What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
Think My Husband Doesn’t Find Me Attractive After Baby? If you think your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive After Having A Baby there may be more to it.
Most women don’t think of men as being shy or nervous in the bedroom. To many of us it seems like men have an envious amount of self-assuredness and confidence when it comes to their sexual abilities (warranted or not).
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I been married 8 years with my husband and he stop having sex with after our kids my daughter is 5 and my son is 1 and I'm a very young to be going through this I've told him many times why he doesn't have sex with me he just tells me he doesn't know why I have cry many nights thinking what should I do we also had a long talk about it but he just told me can't give me what I need and he's sorry not to mention when were dating we had sex all the time plz somebody tell me what to do because sometimes I just want to leave because I can't live like this no more
I'm going on 6 years with no sex but it's really been longer. We have 2 daughters and I'd say after our first child our sex life ended so realistically it's 10 years now since I've been in a normal sexual relationship with my wife. To say it's complicated is an understatement and it's miraculous we're still married. I would say we're both attractive still, I'm very attracted to her but we are a terrible couple who do not make a great match and we've hidden it from our friends. We stayed married for a lot of reasons, not to let down our families, I felt trapped with nowhere else to go, financial reasons, etc. Now with 2 daughters ages 10 and 6 it would crush them if we divorced. I feel once again trapped because i love my kids but my marriage is really terrible and they don't know it. I haven't kissed my wife really....ever. We hooked up in a bar, she came off a bad relationship, I was already with someone and cheated on that person with my now wife, etc. The years go by and there's a lot of resentment between us and much is because we're just not a good match personality wise. I could go on and on but I feel that if ever get sex again it won't be from my wife and at this point I don't care really.
We've been married for 20 years and she has absolutely no interest in sex with me anymore. For most of the marriage, there has been no kissing, intimacy, we never say I love you, nothing. I have to pretty much nag her and sometimes she will relent and pretty much just lay there and tell me to get it done quick. We are basically roommates raising kids and it’s really tough for me. I’m still super attracted to my wife and desire her greatly. I just wish we could get on the same page or she would be open and honest what she needs from me to repair things, it’s extremely frustrating.
Jake, I am in the same situation. Been married 27 years. We have not had sex in 4 years. I had looked forward to being empty nesters when the kids went off to school but have not had sex once since then. She refuses to go to counseling. I have gone on my own but it has not helped. I love her and tell her how beautiful she is all the time and how much I love her. I run my own business, help with the housework (always have as I am super neat), do all the yardwork, bills, everything. She will only kiss with a peck and that is it. Our marriage is great in every way but sex. She will hold hands, peck and sit together but that's it. We are admired by friends and folks at church for having such a great marriage. It's driving me nuts. I look at other couoples and wonder if they are having sex or am I the only one that's not.
Guy here married for 17 years with very little sex for 5 years and no sex in 10 months. To hear stories from women on here that they have husbands who deny them sex is really heartbreaking. I kind of felt that this was a guys problem but it affects everyone.
Staying free as freeware is a solution. The oppressed partner should get a listening, caring, mature sexpartner elsewhere.