What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
4 Min Read
Contents
Part 1 of 2
Sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy and satisfying marriage. Unfortunately, after years together, kids, and the physical changes that come with age, some husbands find themselves not interested in having sex with their wives.
When one partner loses sexual interest in the other it opens the relationship up to several problems. The loss of connection on a physical level can quickly lead to a loss of connection on an emotional level as well.
If a couple in this situation isn’t proactive about fixing things, they can find themselves facing issues that feel almost insurmountable.
And eventually the possibility of separation and divorce.
Below is a question sent to us by a reader whose husband is no longer attracted to her and has lost interest in her sexually.
Take a look at Mileena’s question and my response that follows.
Reader Question:
After 6 years of marriage and breastfeeding 2 kids, my breasts don't look like before, and now my husband is not interested in me. My husband asked me to do plastic surgery. I couldn't do it. I was thinking about my kids and the long-term effect on my body. The thing is now I hate my body, but I don't want to do plastic surgery. Now my husband not interested in sleeping with me. I think my husband doesn't find me sexy." -Mileena
My Answer:
You're probably right when you say "my husband doesn't find me sexy" and that's why he’s not interested. However, the his lack of interest is probably more complex than you realize.
Most likely you're husband isn’t interested in you for 2 reasons:
Men have told me, and have commented on this blog, that they do struggle with being sexually attracted to their wives, especially after they’ve had children.
Childbirth and breast feeding not only alter a woman’s body, but also give a man a different perspective on what a woman’s body is for, and that can be intimidating. It can also severely dampen a man’s sexual desire for her.
And unfortunately, having children and aging can lead to weight gain (for both women and men), which can create a loss of attractions as well.
The second reason your husband may not be interested is a big one for a lot of wives and husbands, and that’s porn.
Porn use can cause BIG problems in a relationship and can be very complicated. For that reason we'll discuss it in greater depth in our next post -- My Husband Watches Porn.
Dissatisfaction with sex is common in long-term relationships. There are many reasons for this and they differ for each couple.
The most common reasons for loss of interest include,
It’s important to remember as well that it’s not just husbands who lose interest sexually. It’s more often wives who find themselves not interested, and for similar reasons.
So, what can you do if sexual chemistry has left the relationship?
No and no.
What you really need to do is look for ways to bring the sexual interest and intimacy back.
There are a few things you can start doing now that can help this happen.
Here’s the thing about sexual interest – the more you make an effort the more it will grow. If you’re not feeling immediately attracted to your partner, try going through some of the motions that have worked in the past - kiss, touch, get physically close. Often just these small efforts can restart some level of sexual desire.
Remember when you first met and there was all the excitement of a new romance?
Bring that back. Creating a romantic atmosphere and new moments together can help you rekindle that interest in one another.
One thing both men and women often say to me is that feeling appreciated makes them feel closer to their partner. Emotional connection is very important to sustaining sexual intimacy.
It’s easy to forget that your relationship with your partner needs nurturing and one-on-one time. Especially in a case like Mileena’s where young kids are a factor.
You can’t be sexually intimate if you’re never alone, so find a way to spend time together, just the two of you, even if it’s just to talk and relax.
One of the most attractive qualities in any person is self-confidence and confident sexual energy.
That can be hard if you’re feeling badly about your body.
This isn’t to suggest that body enhancing surgeries are a solution, just that you should make any changes you feel necessary to feel good about yourself and be healthier.
The goal should be healthy, not perfect. Exercise is one obvious way to get or stay healthy, build confidence, and gain energy.
Keep in mind that sometimes it's just little changes that can make all the difference.
If you’re finding none of these changes are making a meaningful difference, it would be worth exploring couples counseling. Sometimes the loss of interest by a husband, or wife, is due to deeper issues that may be too uncomfortable to communicate about or difficult to resolve without professional help.
You shouldn’t just accept that your sex life is over if you’re husbands no longer sexually attracted to you. Acceptance of the end of intimacy could ultimately cause the downfall of your relationship.
So, if your husband has lost sexual interest in you remember,
And ladies, don’t forget the power of initiating. Men like to feel wanted, and initiating sex can be a very powerful aphrodisiac when you’re feeling like your husband isn’t interested.
This is the first article of two discussing a wife's struggle with her husband's lack of interest. Read more about Mileena in the second article: My Husband Watches Porn. Sign-up for our Blog at the bottom of this article and get other great articles on men, women, and their relationships like this one.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published March 31, 2012, updated on June 21, 2021, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
Think My Husband Doesn’t Find Me Attractive After Baby? If you think your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive After Having A Baby there may be more to it.
Most women don’t think of men as being shy or nervous in the bedroom. To many of us it seems like men have an envious amount of self-assuredness and confidence when it comes to their sexual abilities (warranted or not).
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
Well my husband agreed to stop watching porn it's been about a month now and I've seen a huge difference in our sex life it went from us having sex twice a month to now he wants it every day it's insane but keep in mind we went 4 years with it being maybe 2 times a month and then I told him I was done wanted a divorce and him to move out before he "realized" the reason we weren't having sex was because he was watching porn and jerking it everyday
Things have def gotten better for us since he has agreed to stop watching it and he is now able to keep it hard having sex but I still hold a lot of resentment towards him
i need concealing help ..
will you help me???
What's wrong PRAMOD VANJARE?
My problem I have caught my husband several times not only watching porn but reading it when I ask why he said he was board and tries to hide it from me feel less of a person like when we do have sex it's not me he wants I confronted him today he says he don't want me to leave him but it was my choice if I wanted to go but nither of us know where to go from here to fix this we go from me almost begging for sex to him wanting it all the time so I know some things up he lies about it will delete it off his phone I don't have a problem watching it sometimes as a couple I do have a problem with be lied to and keeping securits where do we go from here or is it just too late to fix it
J-
I don't think it's too late to fix things I've been going through this with my husband for a while he has even admitted to me that he is just more attracted to the women in the videos than me he has also just mentioned I need to loose weight which I would prob agree with if I wasn't 8 months preggo it's gotten to the point with him watching porn to where it really bothers me I used to not care like at all but then he started lying about it and watching at work then came me feeling judged by him whether its my hair makeup or choice of clothes it sucks but I think the porn makes it hard for him to make a connection between love and intamacy I guess I'm not the best person to be giving you advice but if its bothering you go to counciling because if your man is anything like mine it's easier for him to open up and tell how he really feels infront of a marriage counsellor it's not a fun place to be and I relate with what your going through I hope you get through it with some self confidence left I haven't figured that one out yet good luck and I'm truly sorry your having to deal with this every women is and should feel beautiful