You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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If you’re a woman worried that your husband doesn’t love you, you’re not alone. The concern that their husband no longer loves them is a something we hear all the time from women.
If you feel like the love is gone, you may very well be right.
In long-term relationships it’s not uncommon for one partner to fall out of love, leaving the other feeling devastated. So, it isn’t surprising that women ask us if there are signs they should look for that will tell them how their husband really feels.
The answer is, yes. There are several signs you may see indicating your husband doesn't love you.
The problem is almost never that there aren't any signs – it’s that wives almost never want to see them for what they are. Avoiding pain is a common human response for all of us.
While some of the signs are hard to see, most are not.
Understandably, most women don't want to face them. Ignoring, making excuses, or deciding that what they’re seeing means something else is easier to do that than admitting your husband probably doesn't love you.
There are certain times of the year when expressions of love for our partner are expected. Societal pressure pushes us to act on the biggies, like Valentine's Day, Christmas, wedding anniversaries, and birthdays.
It's important, however, not to put too much meaning into obligatory 'I love you's expressed on these days. Real love is shown in what we do every day of the year, not just on special occasions.
The signs that your husband loves you, or may not love you anymore, aren’t found on those special days. The truth about how he feels is something he shows during all the other days of the year, and in big and small ways.
If you feel him pulling away, that he’s hostile or disinterested on regular days, then it’s time to be concerned.
So, just what are the signs you should look for if you’re concerned your husband doesn't love you?
Below are 5 common signs seen by women when their husband has fallen out of love. I see these regularly in the lives of couples I'm counseling right now.
These examples aren’t just from wives who need help seeing and accepting the signs their husband doesn't love them, but also from husbands struggling to see and accept the signs that their wives may have fallen out of love as well.
What if your husband didn't get you anything for Christmas, could that be a sign your husband doesn't love you?
Possibly.
Some partners buy their own Christmas gifts every year with their spouses taking credit as if they were gifts coming from them. Everyone’s holiday habits and traditions differ, but if your spouse never makes an effort to do something special, that should be a red flag (read When He Doesn't Love You Back).
But what if the same husband gave you cards expressing his love for you on holidays, and not just one card, but multiple cards each time, would that prove he really loves you?
As I described earlier, if your husband gave you cards or gifts expressing his love for you ONLY on holidays, would that be proof he loves you? Or is that just going through the motions?
Expressions of love that ONLY happen on specific calendar occasions can also be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
If your wife told you yesterday you're a "piece of sh-t," she "can't stand to be around you," and wants you "out of my life forever," and then less than 24-hours later she's hugging you, being affectionate towards you, and even having sex with you, you should be concerned.
Although every couple argues, cruel and hurtful words on a regular basis, even if they’re followed by displays of affection, can be a sign that the love is gone. At minimum it’s a sign that your relationship needs work.
If, when you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you’d like him to change to make things better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there’s a problem.
Blaming you and accusing you of being the reason for his behavior isn’t right or healthy. If you're always the problem and he never is, this can be a sign your husband doesn't love you.
What if your husband is always finding fault with you? If it seems like in his eyes you can’t do anything right, and when you do seem to finally get it 'right' it’s met with cynicism and sarcasm, that’s not love.
In these situations it’s very likely that once you get one thing right, another thing you did wrong will pop up and start the cycle all over again. If you look back over your relationship and see a pattern of him not accepting you, that could be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
Have you asked your husband to change and he never has?
If he doesn't seem to hear you, making you feel that you must ask again and again, even to the point of nagging, consider it a warning sign.
What if you plead, but get no response?
What if you get so fed up and angry that you 'rant' at him trying to get him to hear you and act, and yet he still takes no action?
Could you be banging your head against the signs your husband doesn't love you?
Probably.
Below are a few more subtle signs that he doesn't love you anymore that I frequently see.
Keep in mind that it's easier to see signs a husband doesn't love his wife in someone else’s marriage more than it is in your own. Think of it like a you can’t see the forest because you’re surrounded by the tree’s scenario.
And the signs your husband doesn't love you can be the same as the signs your wife doesn't love you.
The unloving signs in the above examples are largely interchangeable between husbands and wives. Unloving behavior is unloving behavior, and it doesn't matter which partner it comes from.
When we love someone, we care about them, accept them, respect them, and make them and their needs a priority.
We make an effort to express our love for them in big and small ways.
If you're in a relationship where there's no real signs of real love, but there is a consistent pattern of the opposite, then you need to see and accept this as a sign your husband doesn't truly love you.
The next big question asked is usually, “Can we get the love back?” If your husband doesn’t love you, don’t give up just yet. There can still be hope. Check out – How Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again? for more help.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 18, 2014, updated on December 10, 2019, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
Many husbands (and wives) are not "in love" with their partners any longer.
Is your spouse Emotionally Detached from you and your marriage? Check out these 7 Signs of Emotional Detachment and see where your relationship stands.
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Hi Julie,
Good to hear, you are doing well on your business which might be keeping you busy.. it is true that currently i am living in no confirmed state.. But i also cannot think of anyone else.. I love him from all my heart and gave more than 100%.. i trust him more than anyone else in this world… even today, after how he treated me or made me go through, all i wish is i get happy times together with him.. i had worst time of my life with him, but i also had my best time with him.. and i believe, why not we recall happy times and give another try.. ups and downs are meant to be a part of ones life…but i am not willing to accept is how can he treat me like this on basis of one small disagreement… Anyways I will keep hope until the time he himself comes and communicate that he doesn’t want to continue.. i will believe it wasn’t a true love from both ends and we were not meant to be together.. there were already worst moments i had to go through but i think i can let go my past and hope for a better future if he wish to give another try to make our relationship successful..
Thats good to hear that you are travelling to India.. I will be very much in India and i stay in Mumbai.. unless things change between me and my husband and my work allows, i will be with him in gurgaon 🙂 but even then i will try to meet you! Thanks again 🙂
Hello Vai,
I do hope u keeping well, its also nice to u reaching out to others, its a beautiful support system we have here. Reading your note, the one thing that surprises me here is when u say " I trust him more than anyone else in the whole world", im sorry but i have to ask, how can u have so much trust for someone that has no regard for u?, someone who has ignored u totally and has not taken ur calls or gave u a reason for his behavior, someone who has hurt u so deeply but does not care enuf to say he is sorry or try to reach out to u???, love is beautiful when it is shared and not u only giving 100% and getting 0 in return. U dont trust someone like that, let alone trust more than anyone in this world. Vai, most woman here are finding ways of getting away from their abusive partners, most feel trapped becoz of kids and commitments and some have no where to go or are dependant on their partners so they stay in these relationships as they see no way out, some have been in these unhappy marriages for 30 to 40 yrs and are soo unhappy but cant do anything about their situation. U, like some of us can decide what u want for ur future and stop this abuse now and never live in regret. Dont hold onto false hope coz if he had even an ounce of feelings or conscience he would have reached out to u and made it up to u but instead u are begging him. Believe me when i tell u, u dont want to be trapped in a relationship with a man like that, no man is worth hurting urself like this. Just once step outside of urself and look at the whole scenario and see what u doing wrong and ask urself " are u being fair to U? why are u hurting urself so much? Is love blinding u to this extend of self torture, is it all worth it and how can i trust this person when i need him the most he is not by my side. I loved my ex and still do but i have decided i come 1st and i matter most thats why i have given up the idea of us getting together coz i know when u give and give and not receive then there is an imbalance and love is suppose to be equal. Take this time instead to grow in ur career and one day u will be glad u did. Dont become weak becoz of a man and give up ur other dreams. And if a man sees this weakness in a woman he will only take more advantage of her, dont lose ur power, dont give it away. Take it back now. Only u can do that, we can only advice u but its up to u if u want to be happy or miserable.
Best wishes and i be kind to U
Hi Julie,
I understand your concerns… But situation i am going through, you can relate to.. Yes, there are many reasons for me to let go off.. Similarly, even he might be thinking the same that why should he hold on back to me.. we both have expectations from each other.. we both have hurt each other.. but when it comes to understanding, there is 0.. again from both ends… i also know the way i have been treated right now, if he loved me he wouldn’t have done.. i needed his support back then and i need his support today.. but he wasn’t there… and he isn’t there… its not easy for me to forgot all this.. but, if i can find one reason to hold on and similarly if he find one reason to hold on to me, maybe we lead a happy life together in future… i don’t know why, but i still believe we should give our love another chance.. we have gone through a lot to make our marriage happen and we have come through everything.. then why one small reason to destroy the relationship.. I have tried and cried after failure.. I am trying my best to divert myself and do things that i like.. i went to movies alone, pampered myself… constantly keep an eye on anyone going out so that i can join in.. but at the end, the missing feel is still there.. Simultaneously I am also trying to get my career back on track.. I posted in this forum with all negativity but I think everyone deserves a second chance.. Thanks for your message 🙂
I will keep you posted about my situation...
Hi Deb,
Thats vert sad to hear how your husband treats u.. I can relate with regards to mental and physical abuse… Its very painful but we try to let it go because we love them.. i try very hard to forgot such things.. but most of the times when we are idle, all such moments just come into mind… Currently I don’t have any option but to wait as I am the one begging without receiving any response.. I don’t know until when I will continue, but as rightly said time heals everything… i have seen and heard about abuse on TV, other stories etc.. but i never thought i would also be the one to suffer at one point in time.. i have stood strong and supported him even in those times.. and when we don’t get support even in smallest things, that is what hurts the most… anyways, i don’t know who can help me to cope up with my situation as i don’t have my friends also that i had earlier.. and i am the reason behind loosing as i didn’t make efforts to be in touch… thats the reason, i am active here.. 🙂
I wish you happiness in your life and love! Stay happy..
Julie, i loved your advice. I really needed to hear that. Thank you for your words it really helped me a lot.
Hello Sara,
I am glad to hear it helped u, i feel for all these woman that have been cheated on coz i know what its like, and i have taken back my power coz i could do it. I wish the same for all those women out there. The year is still new so lets start afresh and live with no regrets.
Best wishes to u Sara
Love Julie
Lol that's so right SNEHIYA ! Lol
This is the proof that, mostly woman, have mommis boy, l cant stand leave with this kind of men