You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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If you’re a woman worried that your husband doesn’t love you, you’re not alone. The concern that their husband no longer loves them is a something we hear all the time from women.
If you feel like the love is gone, you may very well be right.
In long-term relationships it’s not uncommon for one partner to fall out of love, leaving the other feeling devastated. So, it isn’t surprising that women ask us if there are signs they should look for that will tell them how their husband really feels.
The answer is, yes. There are several signs you may see indicating your husband doesn't love you.
The problem is almost never that there aren't any signs – it’s that wives almost never want to see them for what they are. Avoiding pain is a common human response for all of us.
While some of the signs are hard to see, most are not.
Understandably, most women don't want to face them. Ignoring, making excuses, or deciding that what they’re seeing means something else is easier to do that than admitting your husband probably doesn't love you.
There are certain times of the year when expressions of love for our partner are expected. Societal pressure pushes us to act on the biggies, like Valentine's Day, Christmas, wedding anniversaries, and birthdays.
It's important, however, not to put too much meaning into obligatory 'I love you's expressed on these days. Real love is shown in what we do every day of the year, not just on special occasions.
The signs that your husband loves you, or may not love you anymore, aren’t found on those special days. The truth about how he feels is something he shows during all the other days of the year, and in big and small ways.
If you feel him pulling away, that he’s hostile or disinterested on regular days, then it’s time to be concerned.
So, just what are the signs you should look for if you’re concerned your husband doesn't love you?
Below are 5 common signs seen by women when their husband has fallen out of love. I see these regularly in the lives of couples I'm counseling right now.
These examples aren’t just from wives who need help seeing and accepting the signs their husband doesn't love them, but also from husbands struggling to see and accept the signs that their wives may have fallen out of love as well.
What if your husband didn't get you anything for Christmas, could that be a sign your husband doesn't love you?
Possibly.
Some partners buy their own Christmas gifts every year with their spouses taking credit as if they were gifts coming from them. Everyone’s holiday habits and traditions differ, but if your spouse never makes an effort to do something special, that should be a red flag (read When He Doesn't Love You Back).
But what if the same husband gave you cards expressing his love for you on holidays, and not just one card, but multiple cards each time, would that prove he really loves you?
As I described earlier, if your husband gave you cards or gifts expressing his love for you ONLY on holidays, would that be proof he loves you? Or is that just going through the motions?
Expressions of love that ONLY happen on specific calendar occasions can also be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
If your wife told you yesterday you're a "piece of sh-t," she "can't stand to be around you," and wants you "out of my life forever," and then less than 24-hours later she's hugging you, being affectionate towards you, and even having sex with you, you should be concerned.
Although every couple argues, cruel and hurtful words on a regular basis, even if they’re followed by displays of affection, can be a sign that the love is gone. At minimum it’s a sign that your relationship needs work.
If, when you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you’d like him to change to make things better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there’s a problem.
Blaming you and accusing you of being the reason for his behavior isn’t right or healthy. If you're always the problem and he never is, this can be a sign your husband doesn't love you.
What if your husband is always finding fault with you? If it seems like in his eyes you can’t do anything right, and when you do seem to finally get it 'right' it’s met with cynicism and sarcasm, that’s not love.
In these situations it’s very likely that once you get one thing right, another thing you did wrong will pop up and start the cycle all over again. If you look back over your relationship and see a pattern of him not accepting you, that could be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
Have you asked your husband to change and he never has?
If he doesn't seem to hear you, making you feel that you must ask again and again, even to the point of nagging, consider it a warning sign.
What if you plead, but get no response?
What if you get so fed up and angry that you 'rant' at him trying to get him to hear you and act, and yet he still takes no action?
Could you be banging your head against the signs your husband doesn't love you?
Probably.
Below are a few more subtle signs that he doesn't love you anymore that I frequently see.
Keep in mind that it's easier to see signs a husband doesn't love his wife in someone else’s marriage more than it is in your own. Think of it like a you can’t see the forest because you’re surrounded by the tree’s scenario.
And the signs your husband doesn't love you can be the same as the signs your wife doesn't love you.
The unloving signs in the above examples are largely interchangeable between husbands and wives. Unloving behavior is unloving behavior, and it doesn't matter which partner it comes from.
When we love someone, we care about them, accept them, respect them, and make them and their needs a priority.
We make an effort to express our love for them in big and small ways.
If you're in a relationship where there's no real signs of real love, but there is a consistent pattern of the opposite, then you need to see and accept this as a sign your husband doesn't truly love you.
The next big question asked is usually, “Can we get the love back?” If your husband doesn’t love you, don’t give up just yet. There can still be hope. Check out – How Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again? for more help.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 18, 2014, updated on December 10, 2019, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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My problem is....my husband is normally behaves with me like husband but he is finding outside for another girl friend...he is doing acting..but one of the android application i have listened his call recordings of his mobile..now i come to knew that he is cheating with me..i have 5 yrs one kid.....what to do...now?
Latu, I've seen many couples overcome infidelity, and come out stronger for it. Both partners have to want the relationship to work, and it almost always takes a professional counselor to guide the process because it's a difficult one. -Kurt
I'm so lost in what to do anymore. I've been with my husband for 8 yrs and finally got married in October because I got down on one knee and asked him cause I felt like if I didn't he never would. I feel like we're just here physically. He gets off work and supposedly Goes to a old alcoholic man's house and drinks but this is every single day he works. He don't come home till it's dark mind you we have 3 children that long for nothing more than Spend time with him just as I do but even when he does come home he just stays outside drinking even more and smoking pot. His daddy died a little over a year ago and I understand more than he thinks I do but I don't feel that's the reason he's drinking and being distant. Cause it only makes his emotional state worse. That's another thing he'll talk to everyone in God's creation about it but me. He says I don't understand cause my dad's still alive. Breaks my heart to see and know he leans on other women's shoulder instead of mine. When he's out he doesn't answer my calls or texts or either he just hangs up on me and rejects all The calls. This makes me feel like there's someone else. Heck I feel like I have to beg for sex and he just says "You know where its at if you want it but it's hard to just do that when they show no interest. All of this happens when he has to work but when he's off on the weekend he's totally different he loves me, wants to die with me and doesn't drink but soon as Monday hits he's at it again till Friday night then normal again SAT and Sunday. I don't get it could someone please help me get the love of my life back?
God and Prayer is the only thing that can make your husband change. We cannot do much. Instead of destroying ourselves for them, like finding other guy, make us sad...try to be beautiful. We deserve to be happy...go to your girlfriends, or family. Dont go trouble after trouble.You are created beautifully...so why believe the fact you are not loveable..surround yourself to the people who loves you more. But be a respectable wife...the dignity and honor is still yours.
Some of your stories made me teared because they sound like mine. Recently we have been quarreling and he always uses words like stupid incapable and such to scold me. These are words i nvr used on him and hated them because i was brought up being called stupid. I thought my husband shld appreciate me for what i am doing for the family even though sometimes i might make mistakes here and there but he says he hates it that i am blur and stupid and creates more problems for him which is not true. I tend to keep my opinions and emotions to myself but when i have enough i cry i want to let them out buy he doesnt listens. He thinks im being crazy and all. I find myself always having to accomodate him, when he wants to be intimate. When i try to be close to him, even wanting a hug it seems so difficult. He complains all i want is his attention and i am jus a jealous freak crazy person. I think he doesnt love me anymore. I feel like i cannt be myself. This is such a lonely relationship such a lonely marriage. The onlt good thing out of this is my beautiful daughter. Im preg now again but he doesnt love me anymore, it doesnt even show extra care for me or so. When i cry he just vents his anger at me. There is not even a word of console, or asking me hw is baby and me. I feel so lost and unwanted. I am so sick of all the negative remarks he makes about me. I am not stupid im not incapable.
Hi dear, Yes u are not stupid, whoever tells u that are just reflecting what is inside of themselves, so take it lightly. Being pregnant, u dont need to go thru this. The only advice i can give u is to give him the silent treatment and let him come to u. Try keeping urself busy when he is around, demand respect and attention just being mum, he will come around dear.
Take care of urself and hugs..bless u
My husband of 23 years has just grown increasingly disrespectful and cold toward me. The marriage is dead as an animal lying on the side of the road. Example: yesterday our Schnauzer has an accident in the house...he picked up the little pile and threw it into the living room floor...on the carpet.. so I would have to pick it up. I did pick it up...I won't say what I did with it though. My husband is a despot...I just stay as far away as possible and am asking God to lead me permanently away from my home and husband.