You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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If you’re a woman worried that your husband doesn’t love you, you’re not alone. The concern that their husband no longer loves them is a something we hear all the time from women.
If you feel like the love is gone, you may very well be right.
In long-term relationships it’s not uncommon for one partner to fall out of love, leaving the other feeling devastated. So, it isn’t surprising that women ask us if there are signs they should look for that will tell them how their husband really feels.
The answer is, yes. There are several signs you may see indicating your husband doesn't love you.
The problem is almost never that there aren't any signs – it’s that wives almost never want to see them for what they are. Avoiding pain is a common human response for all of us.
While some of the signs are hard to see, most are not.
Understandably, most women don't want to face them. Ignoring, making excuses, or deciding that what they’re seeing means something else is easier to do that than admitting your husband probably doesn't love you.
There are certain times of the year when expressions of love for our partner are expected. Societal pressure pushes us to act on the biggies, like Valentine's Day, Christmas, wedding anniversaries, and birthdays.
It's important, however, not to put too much meaning into obligatory 'I love you's expressed on these days. Real love is shown in what we do every day of the year, not just on special occasions.
The signs that your husband loves you, or may not love you anymore, aren’t found on those special days. The truth about how he feels is something he shows during all the other days of the year, and in big and small ways.
If you feel him pulling away, that he’s hostile or disinterested on regular days, then it’s time to be concerned.
So, just what are the signs you should look for if you’re concerned your husband doesn't love you?
Below are 5 common signs seen by women when their husband has fallen out of love. I see these regularly in the lives of couples I'm counseling right now.
These examples aren’t just from wives who need help seeing and accepting the signs their husband doesn't love them, but also from husbands struggling to see and accept the signs that their wives may have fallen out of love as well.
What if your husband didn't get you anything for Christmas, could that be a sign your husband doesn't love you?
Possibly.
Some partners buy their own Christmas gifts every year with their spouses taking credit as if they were gifts coming from them. Everyone’s holiday habits and traditions differ, but if your spouse never makes an effort to do something special, that should be a red flag (read When He Doesn't Love You Back).
But what if the same husband gave you cards expressing his love for you on holidays, and not just one card, but multiple cards each time, would that prove he really loves you?
As I described earlier, if your husband gave you cards or gifts expressing his love for you ONLY on holidays, would that be proof he loves you? Or is that just going through the motions?
Expressions of love that ONLY happen on specific calendar occasions can also be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
If your wife told you yesterday you're a "piece of sh-t," she "can't stand to be around you," and wants you "out of my life forever," and then less than 24-hours later she's hugging you, being affectionate towards you, and even having sex with you, you should be concerned.
Although every couple argues, cruel and hurtful words on a regular basis, even if they’re followed by displays of affection, can be a sign that the love is gone. At minimum it’s a sign that your relationship needs work.
If, when you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you’d like him to change to make things better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there’s a problem.
Blaming you and accusing you of being the reason for his behavior isn’t right or healthy. If you're always the problem and he never is, this can be a sign your husband doesn't love you.
What if your husband is always finding fault with you? If it seems like in his eyes you can’t do anything right, and when you do seem to finally get it 'right' it’s met with cynicism and sarcasm, that’s not love.
In these situations it’s very likely that once you get one thing right, another thing you did wrong will pop up and start the cycle all over again. If you look back over your relationship and see a pattern of him not accepting you, that could be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
Have you asked your husband to change and he never has?
If he doesn't seem to hear you, making you feel that you must ask again and again, even to the point of nagging, consider it a warning sign.
What if you plead, but get no response?
What if you get so fed up and angry that you 'rant' at him trying to get him to hear you and act, and yet he still takes no action?
Could you be banging your head against the signs your husband doesn't love you?
Probably.
Below are a few more subtle signs that he doesn't love you anymore that I frequently see.
Keep in mind that it's easier to see signs a husband doesn't love his wife in someone else’s marriage more than it is in your own. Think of it like a you can’t see the forest because you’re surrounded by the tree’s scenario.
And the signs your husband doesn't love you can be the same as the signs your wife doesn't love you.
The unloving signs in the above examples are largely interchangeable between husbands and wives. Unloving behavior is unloving behavior, and it doesn't matter which partner it comes from.
When we love someone, we care about them, accept them, respect them, and make them and their needs a priority.
We make an effort to express our love for them in big and small ways.
If you're in a relationship where there's no real signs of real love, but there is a consistent pattern of the opposite, then you need to see and accept this as a sign your husband doesn't truly love you.
The next big question asked is usually, “Can we get the love back?” If your husband doesn’t love you, don’t give up just yet. There can still be hope. Check out – How Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again? for more help.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 18, 2014, updated on December 10, 2019, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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I am suffering from last 4 years.I did arrange marriage and before marriage he communicated through chat for near about 15-16 hours in a day.Day after marriage he told me not to stay with me and our compatibility level is different.I was shocked.Till now he always ignore me, we often have arguments on everything.Max night I spent only crying but neither he ever console nor ever repent.Now I am used to with his utmost negligence and misbehavior.I don't have any kind of hope from his end.Sometimes I feel so depressed that I can't speak to anyone or I can't cry.Don't know how do I recover my marriage.
I know for a fact my husband hates me....i try to look past it but deep down i know he doesnt want to be with me. It hurts because i love him so much.
Hello Vai, I am proud of u, u took the 1st step and that is having the courage to leave. Yes u will miss him but as time passes u will realise ur true worth which this man has robbed u off. U say sinc 2 weeks he has not read ur messages or tried to contact u, if he truly cared he would have did so. My girl, from a mother's point of view, and if u were my daughter i will not want any man to ruin my daughters life like he has done, enuf is enuf. Sweety for now dont contact him, concentrate on work, better ur life and future and in time u will realize he is not for u. Rather than staying in a marriage just because u love him is not going to get any better, believe me wen i say this, once the respect is lost there is nothing to hold onto. This man does not love u or care abt u. U dont have to feel bad, u gave him ur all and wat did he do for u?, nothing but made u cry day and nite, so now ur spirit is free. Be happy and dont feel guilty. Your weakness is loving him, we are all guilty of this and thats why we stay for so long in a marriage or relationship, but if its one sided and u are being abused and tortured then u are better off without him. Most people stay together for the sake of the children, do u want to have kids with this man and then realize its not just u who is feeling this hurt and pain but ur kids too coz kids pick up their parents are having problems and the negative vibes. Then its no longer just u involved but the children too. U have the power now to decide what is it u want. To be happy or sad for the rest of ur life. All i want is for ur peace and happiness. U take care and best wishes with work, may u prosper in ur chosen field and grow every day a stronger and successful woman. God be with u always.
Love and light..Julie
Hi Julie, Not sure if i did the right thing or not coz I really miss him a lot... i cry when i am alone and pretend to be ok in front of my parents. I think a lot about the events happened and its hard for me to believe how can not applying a sindoor lead to such a big fight that has left everything at stake. I am not sure but sometimes i believe his family is playing an important role in all dis as my husband talks to his mom for around 4 hours a day plus since we fought he has been talking in my absence. It never happened in our 5 years of togetherness and thus i am finding it very difficult to digest his such behaviour. Yes, we have fought a lot but not to this extent where communication is at halt completely. I am worried for him and dont know how he must be managing everything at his own 🙁 I find difficult to go around or make an attempt to be happy. I just think how happy we were together when things were all good and keep on praying that good times come back together
Hello Vai,
I feel for u girl, the hardest time is now when u are hurting so deeply, yes at the beginning it will be hard, my dear, cry if u must dont hold back, its all part of the healing process. If he has not made any attempt to contact u then wat is there for u to hold onto? It is sad because u have invested ur feelings and he has not reciprocated his to u. Angel, i find when i was breaking up what made it easier for me was i wrote on a paper all the good qualities and the bad qualities abt my ex, i jotted all i cud think of and read it every day a few times, needless to say the negative outweighed the positive, this helped me so much in lessening the sadness and pain i was feeling, the more i read it the better i felt each day until i realized i was in a better space now. U say he spends 4 hrs on the phone talking to his mom yet can even make time to chat or communicate wid u? can u tolerate this, if u decided to go back and he starts to go back to his old ways, how will u deal with this? here u have the support of ur family yet if u went back u will be all alone again. Its really up to u and im sure ur parents only want the best for u, thankfully being Indian they have not rejected u like most do. For now focus on ur job and wait for him to contact u and if he genuinely regrets his treatment of u and apologies for this and says lets try to make it work and give it another chance then u decide but dont make that mistake of contacting him 1st, then the abuse will continue and u lose ur self respect. I wish only the best for u angel. Take care and spoil urself for now, go shopping change ur hair colour or have a massage and facial, go have coffee or a meal out or go watch a movie, anything to make u smile agn.
Love, peace and blessings dear one.
Hi, I also have the same problem with my husband.i'm 32 yrs of age and he is 51 yrs of age,we've been together for 2 & a half yrs and married for 7 months...And the way he treats me when we go out, he just starts to get disrespectful to me . I would just ask s question and he would get loud nad tells me that i'm stupid.He says things like, I really don't give a &-=== about and I'm nothing then I would be there crying...i'm just tirted of his ways and I don't know what to do
Chrissy, No one should have to tolerate being treated disrepsectfully in their relationship. See the articles in the Abusive Relationships on the right of this page section for some ideas and suggestions about what you can do. -Kurt
Dear Snehiya !
You are worth more than gold and your happiness should never depend on a guy's/fool's actions. No matter the background, if things are being discussed and decisions made together then you may put your efforts towards saving this marriage otherwise who was the first to break that promise and commitmment you both made to each other? Or wedding ceremonies are being done for no reason now a days? Give it a thought when you're alone, be smarT in your decision making and follow your heart, you will never be wrong. Also, respect your self and the decisions you make afterwards, keep them, and your head up like I said at the beginning: You'rE worth more than gold 🙂 Blessings to you