You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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If you’re a woman worried that your husband doesn’t love you, you’re not alone. The concern that their husband no longer loves them is a something we hear all the time from women.
If you feel like the love is gone, you may very well be right.
In long-term relationships it’s not uncommon for one partner to fall out of love, leaving the other feeling devastated. So, it isn’t surprising that women ask us if there are signs they should look for that will tell them how their husband really feels.
The answer is, yes. There are several signs you may see indicating your husband doesn't love you.
The problem is almost never that there aren't any signs – it’s that wives almost never want to see them for what they are. Avoiding pain is a common human response for all of us.
While some of the signs are hard to see, most are not.
Understandably, most women don't want to face them. Ignoring, making excuses, or deciding that what they’re seeing means something else is easier to do that than admitting your husband probably doesn't love you.
There are certain times of the year when expressions of love for our partner are expected. Societal pressure pushes us to act on the biggies, like Valentine's Day, Christmas, wedding anniversaries, and birthdays.
It's important, however, not to put too much meaning into obligatory 'I love you's expressed on these days. Real love is shown in what we do every day of the year, not just on special occasions.
The signs that your husband loves you, or may not love you anymore, aren’t found on those special days. The truth about how he feels is something he shows during all the other days of the year, and in big and small ways.
If you feel him pulling away, that he’s hostile or disinterested on regular days, then it’s time to be concerned.
So, just what are the signs you should look for if you’re concerned your husband doesn't love you?
Below are 5 common signs seen by women when their husband has fallen out of love. I see these regularly in the lives of couples I'm counseling right now.
These examples aren’t just from wives who need help seeing and accepting the signs their husband doesn't love them, but also from husbands struggling to see and accept the signs that their wives may have fallen out of love as well.
What if your husband didn't get you anything for Christmas, could that be a sign your husband doesn't love you?
Possibly.
Some partners buy their own Christmas gifts every year with their spouses taking credit as if they were gifts coming from them. Everyone’s holiday habits and traditions differ, but if your spouse never makes an effort to do something special, that should be a red flag (read When He Doesn't Love You Back).
But what if the same husband gave you cards expressing his love for you on holidays, and not just one card, but multiple cards each time, would that prove he really loves you?
As I described earlier, if your husband gave you cards or gifts expressing his love for you ONLY on holidays, would that be proof he loves you? Or is that just going through the motions?
Expressions of love that ONLY happen on specific calendar occasions can also be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
If your wife told you yesterday you're a "piece of sh-t," she "can't stand to be around you," and wants you "out of my life forever," and then less than 24-hours later she's hugging you, being affectionate towards you, and even having sex with you, you should be concerned.
Although every couple argues, cruel and hurtful words on a regular basis, even if they’re followed by displays of affection, can be a sign that the love is gone. At minimum it’s a sign that your relationship needs work.
If, when you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you’d like him to change to make things better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there’s a problem.
Blaming you and accusing you of being the reason for his behavior isn’t right or healthy. If you're always the problem and he never is, this can be a sign your husband doesn't love you.
What if your husband is always finding fault with you? If it seems like in his eyes you can’t do anything right, and when you do seem to finally get it 'right' it’s met with cynicism and sarcasm, that’s not love.
In these situations it’s very likely that once you get one thing right, another thing you did wrong will pop up and start the cycle all over again. If you look back over your relationship and see a pattern of him not accepting you, that could be a sign he doesn’t really love you.
Have you asked your husband to change and he never has?
If he doesn't seem to hear you, making you feel that you must ask again and again, even to the point of nagging, consider it a warning sign.
What if you plead, but get no response?
What if you get so fed up and angry that you 'rant' at him trying to get him to hear you and act, and yet he still takes no action?
Could you be banging your head against the signs your husband doesn't love you?
Probably.
Below are a few more subtle signs that he doesn't love you anymore that I frequently see.
Keep in mind that it's easier to see signs a husband doesn't love his wife in someone else’s marriage more than it is in your own. Think of it like a you can’t see the forest because you’re surrounded by the tree’s scenario.
And the signs your husband doesn't love you can be the same as the signs your wife doesn't love you.
The unloving signs in the above examples are largely interchangeable between husbands and wives. Unloving behavior is unloving behavior, and it doesn't matter which partner it comes from.
When we love someone, we care about them, accept them, respect them, and make them and their needs a priority.
We make an effort to express our love for them in big and small ways.
If you're in a relationship where there's no real signs of real love, but there is a consistent pattern of the opposite, then you need to see and accept this as a sign your husband doesn't truly love you.
The next big question asked is usually, “Can we get the love back?” If your husband doesn’t love you, don’t give up just yet. There can still be hope. Check out – How Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again? for more help.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 18, 2014, updated on December 10, 2019, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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The worst part that being with my husband is cheating playing mind games, he is cheating on me to testing me, when Im cheating on him back he leaving me, now his with someone else now
My husband and I have been having problems for a long time. Then he started not coming home & saying he was working all night. I started looking at phone records, there was a number he called many times a day, he said it was his friend. I started tracking where he was, and when he was at the same friends house he was calling the number. I asked him over and over about the number & he would come up with an excuse or ignore me. I finally found out it was his friends wife. He was telling her he loved her, calling her beautiful and all the things he used to say to me a long time ago. So my kids & I moved out. He acted devastated. After a month or so we decided to try and work things out, yet he didn’t stop talking to her and even started talking to his ex girlfriend from 20 years ago. I confronted him on all of it as I saw all of the text messages between them. He said he was sorry Ana would stop. He moved back in with me. He was in and out several times as I would get tired of his lies and make him leave. I have given him so many chances. We talked finally and I explained to him that he gave some other women what I had been begging to get back from him like to be told I was pretty, hold my hand, make time for me and us and just all the little things that had been missing for a long time. We had all of these things in the beginning and for a long time during our marriage. I can’t truxt him, no matter how hard I try something happens to make me doubt him. He isn’t really trying to prove that I can trust him as I think he should be, he says to me that he can’t just do all the little things unless it’s in his heart. My question is “was it in his heart to say that stuff to his friends wife”?? Because we have been married for 23 years and to me none of those things should of ever left his heart for me, if he really loved me at all. We fight all the time it seems like now. He refuses to talk to me at all, he just wants to communicate through text messaging and I think so many things get messed up that way, and it’s not respectful at all. I’ve tried to and have told him that I’m extremely lonely, bored and that I need all the little things he used to do especially after he did what he did. He swears he didn’t cheat but I don’t really believe him. I’ve told him that we never do anything together anymore ands begged him to do things together and to just talk to me. He refuses to talk at all. He loves to hunt and that is a priority over me. I’ve tokd him that I need to feel special every now and then. He just ignores me and goes on about his business. If I try to talk to him he blows up at me and says I’m disrespectful to him and I say everything wrong and that I’m a smart ass. I have known him since I was 14 years old and I thought he was my soul mate. We have two kids and he rarely spends anytime with them either. He tried to make me feel like I’m crazy and all of this is my fault. He says I’ve never been happy but yet I tell him we have boxes and boxes of pictures that prove differently. He can never be wrong. He always says that I have a problem with him just because I want to talk. He says he loves me just as he always has and that he’s still just as much in love with me as he always has been but I beg to differ as he doesn’t treat me the same at all anymore. He used to touch me differently than he has in a long long time. I know it’s over or I feel like it is, but it breaks my heart that I’ve given him 23 years of my life and for what?? I feel the love I have for him dwendling away fast and I’m not sure he loves me at all anymore. Sometimes I think he just comes home as he has no other comfortable place to go. Help!
Does he view a lot of porn? This causes a problem with some men. They will do many of the things you have described. Not looking at you. Turning up the TV when you talk to them. Having a complete avoidance of any communication with you. Mine does this to me. They are sick.