Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
Part 2 of 2
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Contents
What triggers a midlife crisis? Does it just come out of nowhere, or does something cause midlife to go from a transition to a crisis?
This is the second part of the two-part series examining midlife crisis in men. Read the first post, Midlife Crisis - Facts & Fiction, for some signs of what a midlife crisis looks like.
Knowing what it looks like is one thing though, knowing what triggers it is quite different.
Descriptions of midlife crisis symptoms can vary depending upon who you’re asking. However, there do seem to be some common behaviors that they all agree upon.
The following is an excerpt from an article written by Cathy Meyer, What Are the Causes of a Midlife Crisis, explaining some descriptions of a midlife crisis by a few experts. I have included my own observations based on my clinical experience as well.
If you talk to middle-aged men and women who have experienced divorce, you will find that many of them will tell you their spouse changed overnight and became someone who discarded all that was once important to him for a new life that was all about what he wanted.
A midlife crisis was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process.
Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way they live their life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.
In my experience most people dealing with a midlife crisis have a number of external and internal factors or triggers that push them into a state of crisis. The stresses of life can be overwhelming and childhood issues that were never dealt with can come to the surface during this time.
There are additional external factors that may cause this time in life to be problematic. Some of them are listed below.
Financial difficulties are stressful at any age. In middle-age, however, they can be overwhelming and push people into crisis mode quickly.
The prospect of fewer earning years and mounting debt is more than some people can handle.
They may feel compelled to walk away from everything and everyone associated with their financial issues, feeling that this is an easier solution than trying to fix things. This doesn’t work, however. Debt within a family or marriage isn’t easily separated from and the process of trying can just make things more stressful.
Death of anyone close to you is hard to deal with. Dealing with it at this stage of life can be particularly difficult.
The loss of a parent or friend shines a light on the passage of time and brings the idea of your own mortality to the forefront. Coping with these feelings isn’t easy and can easily exacerbate an already challenging time.
A person who’s natural reaction is to avoid conflict or challenging situations will find this time of life more difficult. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away, it only compounds them and at this stage of life that can cause even bigger problems, like a midlife crisis.
When a person arrives in midlife and feels they haven’t risen to the point they had hoped for in their career, or accomplished the things they once dreamed about, it can be a challenging reality to accept.
Realizing that certain things in your life will likely NEVER happen can be a difficult pill to swallow. This change from an “anything is possible” belief in life to a “I will never be able to do that” revelation can trigger a midlife crisis.
In our youth we are strong, flexible, and recover quickly from most things. Then, one day, we can find ourselves grunting as we get out of a chair, needing assistance to sit on the floor, or dealing with sicknesses far scarier than colds or flus.
Bodies age whether we want them to or not, and they do so even if you’re in good shape. Many of us find ourselves taken by surprise as these changes occur and respond by sinking into crisis mode. For example, men now rival women as consumers of appearance enhancing treatments like Botox and Restilin, or other cosmetic procedures.
For some, a midlife crisis is even more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time emotionally which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy.
Those who have a hard time with this transitional stage and are susceptible to being triggered into a midlife crisis might experience a range of feelings such as,
Are you a man struggling with any of these?
If so, there's help available. If handling things on your own isn’t working you might need the guidance of a counselor who works with midlife crisis in men.
No matter who you are, if so there will likely be some change in your thoughts and perspectives during midlife. That’s just a part of human nature as we age. Whether the changes during this time trigger a midlife crisis or not depends upon many factors.
With help your midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. So, learn how to change your midlife crisis into a transition, one that leads to a better stage in your life.
This is the second article of two defining midlife crisis. Here's the first one: Midlife Crisis Facts & Fiction. Sign-up for our blog below and be sure not to miss our next article.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published on July 3, 2010, updated September 25 2018, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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I believe my husband is going through this too. Married 17 years, he's had significant depression issues and is a recovering alcoholic as well. We are going through a 6 month trial separation, he has the kids 3 nights a week, but initiates no contact with me. Our marriage counselor has us doing a gratitude exercise where we text something positive for the next 2 weeks. It's been over a week and I've gotten 2 :/. He got his own apartment, and his main complaint was fear of money though he makes plenty, but right now he is spending like crazy! He's paying the minimum on debts when he could be paying them off hence reducing the stress of money! His words don't match his actions! How do I protect myself from his financial decisions without undermining his decisions and pissing him off?!? He's the main breadwinner.
Hi. Have a look at the couple of answers I wrote above. At this stage I would get a good lawyer and a councillor who understands what you are going through. You need to protect yourself from his financial decisions as he's not acting rationally. My ex managed to take us from very comfortable with a very bright future to barely scraping through in a very short time.I know this is harsh but you are not dealing with the man you married but a stranger (in your husbands body) who is only thinking of himself and his needs and wants . I know the from experience and like I said in the answer above I wish I knew then what I knew now. Everyone's different but this sort of thing seems to follow a pattern which I see so much now amongst my friends and women I meet (and some men)