Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
4 Min Read
Contents
Have you ever felt like there’s something off in your marriage?
Perhaps you don’t feel as loved as you think you should be. Or maybe you feel there’s an imbalance in your relationship. Or are you self-conscious or worried about the way your husband treats you in public? If one of these rings true, it's possible you have an abusive husband.
Being married to an abusive husband can be painful to say the least, and sometimes dangerous. It can also be difficult to recognize.
Many women who find themselves married to abusive men don’t even realize what they’re experiencing is abuse. Typically, the relationship doesn’t start out abusive, but rather changes into one over time.
So, how can you recognize the signs of an abusive husband and stop the abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is generally the most obvious, but emotional and mental abuses are much more common. And, as already mentioned, most relationships don’t start off with such overt abuse, but instead the behavior develops as the relationship matures.
Seeing the warning signs can be particularly difficult for the women involved. It’s a forest and trees situation – you can’t see the forest (abusive relationship) because you’re surrounded by trees (abusive behavior).
And most women don’t want to believe that,
Neither of those things are easy characterizations to face and admit. This reluctance can mean abusive behavior by a husband gets ignored for far longer than it should.
There are, however, some tell-tale signs that should never be overlooked.
If you’re concerned that your relationship may be abusive, take a look at the warning signs of an abusive husband described in the below excerpt from Dr. Phil's article, Are You In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?:
Does your partner continuously degrade or belittle you? If you think that just because you aren't being physically abused nothing is wrong, think again.
Emotionally abusive relationships can have devastating consequences on both physical and mental health. While emotional or psychological abuse may be difficult to pinpoint, examples abound. Here are some characteristics:
These behaviors are often masked and described as love, concern, or “for your own good.”
An abusive husband will also go to great lengths to make his wife feel like she’s the cause of his behavior.
are common phrases an abusive husband will use.
Abuse should never be justified. While we all can make mistakes and disappoint each other, being verbally or emotionally abusive is never an acceptable response.
Abuse of any kind will cause long lasting damage.
Left unchecked abuse can leave emotional scars and other problems that make relationships, personal life, trusting others, and life in general extremely difficult. Repairing the damage an abusive husband causes is difficult and takes time.
Below is additional information from Dr. Phil’s article regarding the repercussions of being in an abusive relationship. These are changes that can take place in the wife of an abusive husband.
Results of Verbal and Emotional Abuse, from the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness:
Sadly, these changes can be long-lasting.
Husbands who are abusers can affect their wives’ self-esteem and self-perception in a way that can change the way they live their lives and interact with others. These effects often take a long time and counseling to overcome.
Can you see yourself or your husband in any of these descriptions?
If you can, it’s very possible you have an abusive husband.
No woman wants to believe her husband is abusive. In fact, many women go to great lengths to defend their husband’s behavior and explain it away. But if any of the above hits home, you have a problem, and the only question is what’s the cause.
If you’re wondering if what you’re seeing are warning signs you have an abusive husband, keep the following in mind:
Emotional and mental abuse can be hard to see, especially if you’re the one experiencing it, because they are the most common forms.
Healthy relationships include mutual respect, support, and positive communication, not demeaning words and controlling behavior.
If you think you might have an abusive husband, get some professional marriage counseling help. Being confused is a natural outcome of abuse, and abusive men take advantage of it, so you need an expert to help understand you what's really going on and what you can do about it.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 10, 2010, updated on June 26, 2019 and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Want to know what Abusive Women are really like? Take a look at 7 behaviors used by Women who are Abusive. Read quotes from Women who Abuse and partners.
No one gets into a relationship expecting to be controlled by their partner.
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
Go to a womens shelter, or stay with your family. Please for your own sanity, leave this controlling abusive husband. The only reason he hasn't gotten physical is because you do everything he says. Withholding money is also called financial abuse. I'm sure he's piling it up in some account and by law half of it is yours. Get an attorney and file and I would bet some more of your depression will go too.
I remember the red flags from the beginning and I chose to ignore them. Some verbal abuse in the beginning... two children later, financial difficulty and health issues has made him a madman. I admit low self esteem on my end, depression (PMDD) and no coping skills. There was verbal abuse in my family growing up too. I WISH my parents divorced.. but we can't go back. Now, I have to face some decisions. He is getting worse. He blames me for things going wrong - Like I gave him all this health problems? He never finishes tasks, complains no one helps him when he is a jerk to work for... The mental and emotional abuse has gone too far. I am questioning my own sanity, I have sometimes thought of suicide. BUT, I won't give in!!
His constant complains, insults, interrogations are a REFLECTION of his own problems!!
There is no reason to talk back and question these people! They are NARCISSISTS! No matter how much smarter you are, more knowledge you have or what - you WONT win with them!
Reach out to a priest, friend, anyone! talk about him/her to everyone and get help!! Don't worry about what people will think - IT"S YOUR LIFE!! Do something to make it better!!
I have been married to this man for 8 years and we dated for 5. We have 3 kids which is the hard part. I like others feel like it is me and when he says I start everything but lately I have had enough. I have anxiety in the mornings and then when I see him my heart starts beating and I am scared I did something wrong or I forgot to do something. We have 3 kids and I work at a great job but everything is "his" and he paid for everything (i.e. My kids wanted a pop out of the fridge and I said yes and his response was 'of course Bc you didn't pay for it') my oldest who is 7 has started sticking up for me. I am constantly called names and screamed at and accused of cheating ALL the time. He pulls the most vulnerable times in my life and uses them against me in arguments. When I work my butt off at yard work, cleaning the house, and taking care of the kids I always get "what did you get accomplished today" and when I list the stuff I do his response is "what did that take a half of a hour?" And when I complain about not being appreciated his response is "well then do something to be appreciated for" I never can be the fun mom that gets to hang out with their kids and play I am constantly cleaning or doing something. I try telling him when I am on my death bed I am not going to be wishing I cleaned more I am going to wish I spent more time with my kids and he always says "how do all the other moms do it". And if the kids act up in public I am told "control your kids". But like I said before I feel like it is me and 100% of my fault. Maybe if I would just do more I could make him happy.
Sheila, First of all, know that "not all the other moms" run perfect households. No one does. Second, doing more won't help an abusive relationship. Your kids are learning from you both what an adult relationship looks like. Maybe seek out professional marriage counseling for yourself, and even if he won't go with you, it would be beneficial. -Kurt
Seeing an abuse counselor is the most helpful thing I ever did and highly recommend it. Also there are great books that will help you understand verbal abuse and empower you to make choices for your family.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years and together for 6. we have 2 children together.. she brought it to my attention that i was verbally and emotionally abusive. I didn't realize how much pain i was causing her. At first i wanted to blame her for leaving me but then i realized it was my fault and if our marriage was to work i needed to take full accountability for how i treated her. I tried going to domestic violence classes but they were a complete joke filled with wife beaters that were court ordered to be there and had no desire to change or even admit that they were wrong. we have been seperated for 8months and i am so depressed and scared that i lost her that its hard to get thru day to day life. Is there anything i can do to earn her trust and forgiveness and show her that i am not the same guy i was 2years ago? she says it hasn't been that long apart but it feels like an eternity and it seems like she enjoys being seperated and has no plans of ever coming back..I am starting to lose hope. I need help i don't want to lose my wife and family.
Tim, That's great you want help to improve yourself and work on your issues. Check out the Services tab and scroll down to Anger Management to see how Anger Management Classes should work. If you can't find anger management classes that work, try professional counseling. A counselor can also give you the tools to manage your anger. Change takes time, so be a little patient. -Kurt
It's life , it's marriage.... People are not robots and they will raise voice on each other sometimes. Usually the alpha will take lead and drag beta around. Unless there is an actual beatdown going on, some toungelashing every now and then is totally normal and be treated as such. This BS psychology theories are there to put seed of thoughts in peoples minds and break families apart... The laundry list of symptoms will seemingly apply to all the couples some of the time. Weakminded people looking for victimhood will latch on to it and destroy their families.