Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
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Have you ever felt like there’s something off in your marriage?
Perhaps you don’t feel as loved as you think you should be. Or maybe you feel there’s an imbalance in your relationship. Or are you self-conscious or worried about the way your husband treats you in public? If one of these rings true, it's possible you have an abusive husband.
Being married to an abusive husband can be painful to say the least, and sometimes dangerous. It can also be difficult to recognize.
Many women who find themselves married to abusive men don’t even realize what they’re experiencing is abuse. Typically, the relationship doesn’t start out abusive, but rather changes into one over time.
So, how can you recognize the signs of an abusive husband and stop the abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is generally the most obvious, but emotional and mental abuses are much more common. And, as already mentioned, most relationships don’t start off with such overt abuse, but instead the behavior develops as the relationship matures.
Seeing the warning signs can be particularly difficult for the women involved. It’s a forest and trees situation – you can’t see the forest (abusive relationship) because you’re surrounded by trees (abusive behavior).
And most women don’t want to believe that,
Neither of those things are easy characterizations to face and admit. This reluctance can mean abusive behavior by a husband gets ignored for far longer than it should.
There are, however, some tell-tale signs that should never be overlooked.
If you’re concerned that your relationship may be abusive, take a look at the warning signs of an abusive husband described in the below excerpt from Dr. Phil's article, Are You In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?:
Does your partner continuously degrade or belittle you? If you think that just because you aren't being physically abused nothing is wrong, think again.
Emotionally abusive relationships can have devastating consequences on both physical and mental health. While emotional or psychological abuse may be difficult to pinpoint, examples abound. Here are some characteristics:
These behaviors are often masked and described as love, concern, or “for your own good.”
An abusive husband will also go to great lengths to make his wife feel like she’s the cause of his behavior.
are common phrases an abusive husband will use.
Abuse should never be justified. While we all can make mistakes and disappoint each other, being verbally or emotionally abusive is never an acceptable response.
Abuse of any kind will cause long lasting damage.
Left unchecked abuse can leave emotional scars and other problems that make relationships, personal life, trusting others, and life in general extremely difficult. Repairing the damage an abusive husband causes is difficult and takes time.
Below is additional information from Dr. Phil’s article regarding the repercussions of being in an abusive relationship. These are changes that can take place in the wife of an abusive husband.
Results of Verbal and Emotional Abuse, from the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness:
Sadly, these changes can be long-lasting.
Husbands who are abusers can affect their wives’ self-esteem and self-perception in a way that can change the way they live their lives and interact with others. These effects often take a long time and counseling to overcome.
Can you see yourself or your husband in any of these descriptions?
If you can, it’s very possible you have an abusive husband.
No woman wants to believe her husband is abusive. In fact, many women go to great lengths to defend their husband’s behavior and explain it away. But if any of the above hits home, you have a problem, and the only question is what’s the cause.
If you’re wondering if what you’re seeing are warning signs you have an abusive husband, keep the following in mind:
Emotional and mental abuse can be hard to see, especially if you’re the one experiencing it, because they are the most common forms.
Healthy relationships include mutual respect, support, and positive communication, not demeaning words and controlling behavior.
If you think you might have an abusive husband, get some professional marriage counseling help. Being confused is a natural outcome of abuse, and abusive men take advantage of it, so you need an expert to help understand you what's really going on and what you can do about it.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 10, 2010, updated on June 26, 2019 and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Want to know what Abusive Women are really like? Take a look at 7 behaviors used by Women who are Abusive. Read quotes from Women who Abuse and partners.
No one gets into a relationship expecting to be controlled by their partner.
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In my opinion, emotional/psychological abuse is the worst kind and is the most difficult wound to heal. An abusive man will unfortunately never change. Even if he does eventually acknowledge his behavior, it will then be a very long road to make just the smallest progress, they're never completely healed of this behavior.But first they have to want to change.
Seeing a therapist unfortunately was a bad experience. He managed to manipulate the therapist by being a nice charming guy, and they got on so well. Everyone says how nice he is, but they have no idea what he's like in private.
I am in an abusive relationship my husband has been nervous around most females for all our married life. I found images he was hiding. He hadn't shown affection for over a year & sexually has withdrew from me. He belittles me although I am attractive. I have an illness which means I am tied to him financially. He ignores taking care of our family. He is ill too & overworks so I just try & understand him. But I'm unsure what to do?
Rach, I'm not sure what type of abuse you're enduring, but google a local women's shelter so you know where one is should you need to go, and look up the abuse hotline phone number in England if there is one so you have that, too. Read the other articles in the Abusive Relationships section for other suggestions about things you can do. - Dr. Kurt
It's not am I being abused its how do I get out of it. This is my house he won't leave, I don't want him in jail or dead I just want him to leave me alone. I have 2 dogs that need me. I don't know what to do...
It's not am I being abused. It's How do I convince him his behavior is abusive? He accused me of outrageous things. Questions my children about where we've been or who has been to our house in his absence instead of having a conversation with me to find out everything I have been waiting to share with him all day. He accuses me of lying and having alterior motives for everything and/or anything knowing full well I hide nothing and never make excuses. Either my behavior was respectful to me,him,us or he is outright lying about whatever he is saying I did or said. I have been through a relationship that had me holding on so desperately I disgraced myself as a woman and my children for clinging to a relationship yhat was emotionally harmful to them and letting them see how low I sunk to keep, continue, or extract anything emotional from that soul sucking black hole of marriage. I will never degrade myself again. I will hold my head high and no man other than my man will talk to me as though we have a personal relationship. No man will talk to me in a way that disrespects me, my relationship or my sensibilities. I tell my man that accusations, wild mood swings, making my life hell when I go about life as though I am a free, self respecting grown woman despite his controlling behavior, questioning who is calling me on my phone like I'm not a prisoner and demanding to stay in "HIS" bedroom when I change or undress is ALL control and abuse. He says "Abuse, like hell. It's not abuse," He seriously thinks it is his right to treat me as though I am a wild and wonton child with no morals or boundaries. He thinks controlling a woman who doesn't even allow him to treat her with less respect than he would give his mother is HIS RIGHT. He thinks that he has to "keep" me or we are not together. He tells me if I want to get away from him I need to get my ass out and don't think about taking my kids. He thinks to talk with me about expenses and income os demeaning to his manhood. He thinks he doesn't have to talk to me anymore about anything regarding me,my children, our safety, or needs because I am supposed to submit. He doesn't pay bills reliably, can't stick wiyh one job, and makes an excuse to take everything he has ever given to me away. I am not allowed to have my own space or things. My clothes disappear or get torn if they look nice. My jewelry boxes and or other personal spaces get over taken by him. I am not allowed to have my belingings where I want them or without him invading and overtaking every little space I find for my momentos. He cannot understand why I hate him instead of love him for taking away everything I loved about me and my life. I told him after a 4 month separation that he could visit. I did not wany him to move imto my home. I let him visit and he refused to leave ignored my wishes. Acted as though he was home and it was our plan the whole time for him to move back in. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I am wo tired of telling a grown man that his insecurities and feelings of inferiority are not my problem and I will not be the trash he can accuse of and infidelity and less than honest, or honorable behavior. I am confident in my self worth and know I am way too good for him. I will find my feet again and I will leave as an escapee. He will never see me or our children again because he made it clear I will have to escape wiyh my kids because he will not leave in peace so we can repair some part of the 15 year friendship we had before sex, kids, and broken promises. He doesn't want what made us close for 15 years. He wants this distorted view of marriage that his parents had. It almost killed his mother. She had such deep depression due to abuse and control from her husband she laid in bed for almost 2 years hoping for death. She didn't die so she ran from texas to missouri with 5 or 6 kids to escape him. She told me how much she hated her husband and hpe he disgusted her. He obviously saw he was wrong and changed. It has been at least 10 years and he has changed her heart. She loves her husband again because he decided she was worth giving her the love he feels and showing her the respect a man shows the woman who gave him home love and family. He finally put worth in their marriage by showing her and their kids his repect, friendship, and partnership with his wife. Unfortunately I can't convince my man that the animosity and bitterness his mother felt for his dad is not a good marriage and her hatred for his dad was real until his dad worked hard to change her heart. He thinks if he doesn't call it abuse then the abuse is just imagined by me. I told him to hold onto that belief. I hope it keeps him warm and comfortable because I'm not fighting for anything from him anymore. Im dotting I's and crossing T's to get access to freedom. I will escape and I will take precautions to be sure my kids have a chance to see 1 healthy relationship before they get caught unawares in their own horror story.
Hi Sam, this is an old post so I don't know how you're doing now. Yes, he's very abusive. Three books I highly recommend are The Emotionally Abused Woman, Why Does He Do That, and But He'll Change... opened my eyes. Also, I only recommend seeing an abuse counselor, mine is free, because anyone else won't understand abuse and won't be helpful, may do more harm than good. Hope that helps.