Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
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Have you ever felt like there’s something off in your marriage?
Perhaps you don’t feel as loved as you think you should be. Or maybe you feel there’s an imbalance in your relationship. Or are you self-conscious or worried about the way your husband treats you in public? If one of these rings true, it's possible you have an abusive husband.
Being married to an abusive husband can be painful to say the least, and sometimes dangerous. It can also be difficult to recognize.
Many women who find themselves married to abusive men don’t even realize what they’re experiencing is abuse. Typically, the relationship doesn’t start out abusive, but rather changes into one over time.
So, how can you recognize the signs of an abusive husband and stop the abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is generally the most obvious, but emotional and mental abuses are much more common. And, as already mentioned, most relationships don’t start off with such overt abuse, but instead the behavior develops as the relationship matures.
Seeing the warning signs can be particularly difficult for the women involved. It’s a forest and trees situation – you can’t see the forest (abusive relationship) because you’re surrounded by trees (abusive behavior).
And most women don’t want to believe that,
Neither of those things are easy characterizations to face and admit. This reluctance can mean abusive behavior by a husband gets ignored for far longer than it should.
There are, however, some tell-tale signs that should never be overlooked.
If you’re concerned that your relationship may be abusive, take a look at the warning signs of an abusive husband described in the below excerpt from Dr. Phil's article, Are You In an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?:
Does your partner continuously degrade or belittle you? If you think that just because you aren't being physically abused nothing is wrong, think again.
Emotionally abusive relationships can have devastating consequences on both physical and mental health. While emotional or psychological abuse may be difficult to pinpoint, examples abound. Here are some characteristics:
These behaviors are often masked and described as love, concern, or “for your own good.”
An abusive husband will also go to great lengths to make his wife feel like she’s the cause of his behavior.
are common phrases an abusive husband will use.
Abuse should never be justified. While we all can make mistakes and disappoint each other, being verbally or emotionally abusive is never an acceptable response.
Abuse of any kind will cause long lasting damage.
Left unchecked abuse can leave emotional scars and other problems that make relationships, personal life, trusting others, and life in general extremely difficult. Repairing the damage an abusive husband causes is difficult and takes time.
Below is additional information from Dr. Phil’s article regarding the repercussions of being in an abusive relationship. These are changes that can take place in the wife of an abusive husband.
Results of Verbal and Emotional Abuse, from the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness:
Sadly, these changes can be long-lasting.
Husbands who are abusers can affect their wives’ self-esteem and self-perception in a way that can change the way they live their lives and interact with others. These effects often take a long time and counseling to overcome.
Can you see yourself or your husband in any of these descriptions?
If you can, it’s very possible you have an abusive husband.
No woman wants to believe her husband is abusive. In fact, many women go to great lengths to defend their husband’s behavior and explain it away. But if any of the above hits home, you have a problem, and the only question is what’s the cause.
If you’re wondering if what you’re seeing are warning signs you have an abusive husband, keep the following in mind:
Emotional and mental abuse can be hard to see, especially if you’re the one experiencing it, because they are the most common forms.
Healthy relationships include mutual respect, support, and positive communication, not demeaning words and controlling behavior.
If you think you might have an abusive husband, get some professional marriage counseling help. Being confused is a natural outcome of abuse, and abusive men take advantage of it, so you need an expert to help understand you what's really going on and what you can do about it.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 10, 2010, updated on June 26, 2019 and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Want to know what Abusive Women are really like? Take a look at 7 behaviors used by Women who are Abusive. Read quotes from Women who Abuse and partners.
No one gets into a relationship expecting to be controlled by their partner.
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Hi Sam, this is an old post so I don't know how you're doing now. Yes, he's very abusive. Three books I highly recommend are The Emotionally Abused Woman, Why Does He Do That, and But He'll Change... opened my eyes. Also, I only recommend seeing an abuse counselor, mine is free, because anyone else won't understand abuse and won't be helpful, may do more harm than good. Hope that helps.
i was hurt beaten and raped by him, I wasi am not over called stupid my boys whated to call me thw names he called mei have no pride. but i think of how i uue to be they called me smily. i wish i could have her back
I've been with my husband for 32 years without ever leaving he's been a good dad since the children were growing up but also controlling and abusive I've prayed I've done everything I can to try to please my husband and it's not enough now children grown and we have grandchildren and I've hidden my abuse for years he very controlling I have to hide my feeling ever around others he seems charming and nice around our children and grandchildren but behind closed doors I better not say anything to set him off I ask do he loves me he gets offended I try not to talk to him but when he say things and talks about other things I agree with him yesterday I thought he lost my bank card and was onthe phone with customer service he threatening to kick my ass and they heard him he hanged up after they where done so I confronted him and try to solve it he gotten more angeier saying you treating me like like I'm not a man giving me the look like he's gonna hit me and told me you can leave I'm not holding on to you I have no money, I'm scared to tell my children I don't have nowhere else to go I'm struggling trying to hold on because I never had a father in my life and doing this for the sake of our children and grandchildreni love my husband but I don't think he loves me anymore than I love him I'm tired of being treated this way I prayed for God to change my situation and make it better I'm tired of crying and when I cry Infront of him he has no compassion I don't have nowhere to go no money I have family but I don't want them seeing me like this
Lynn, You've got to break the silence and tell somebody. Leaving a comment here is a good first step, but you've got to do more so people can help you. In most communities there are domestic abuse centers. See if you can find one near you. In the U.S. you can also call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 and speak to someone 24/7. Please push past the fear of what people will think (it's a lie). -Dr. Kurt
How me and me family can help me brother and he wife no no more taking birth control pills and abortion since a very very young age and me family no like it so me want to do something for everybody. This no very very good for babies. What we can do money no issues.
Sazia, That's a personal and private choice, so unfortunately what you can do is limited. Sharing your concerns and encouraging them to talk to a professional about their decisions is about all you can do while still respecting them. -Dr. Kurt