3 Min Read Contents Emotions are tricky things. They can flare up in an instant or slowly build over time, reshaping how we perceive ourselves and the people closest to us. Among the most misunderstood emotions are anger and resentment.
5 Min Read
Contents
We’ve all experienced anger. Whether it’s triggered by another person, situation, or the various injustices in the world, anger is a common human feeling and response. But does feeling angry mean you have anger issues?
No.
There’s a difference between occasionally getting angry and having anger issues.
However, knowing whether your anger is in the normal range or a whether you’re one of the many people who have issues with anger can be tricky.
The good news for those whose anger goes beyond the occasional is that there are some very clear signs of anger issues that can help you understand the difference.
The best place to look for signs that you’ve got issues with anger is with the people closest to you.
Most people can do a pretty good job hiding anger from friends and coworkers, but it's our loved ones who see us when we're the most real.
They’re the ones we feel most relaxed and safest with, so, unfortunately, they’re the ones we’re also most likely take our anger out on. And for some of us it happens so often that it becomes a problem.,
Regular anger can cause difficulties with relationships, families, and jobs.
So, what are the signs that you have anger issues and what can you do about it?
Is it possible that because of your anger you could look like this shark to your wife, partner, or kids?
Those of us with anger issues never want to think so, but sadly, sometimes those around us see -- and fear -- us just like we all do a Great White Shark.
It's easy to assume that it's just men who have anger management problems. While it’s true that men’s anger issues can be more obvious, women are just as prone to having problems with anger as men.
Struggling with anger has less to do with gender and more to do with the psychological issues and life experiences that have shaped us.
Often there can be unresolved problems from the past, that have created an emotional struggle within a person. When left unaddressed these feelings eventually impact our ability to control our anger and respond appropriately to situations or other people.
Present day external stresses can play a large role as well.
How we think about and process events is another contributing factor.
People who are already vulnerable to getting angry can find it difficult to let go of anger or control their anger response when faced with even mild stress. This can happen equally to both men and women.
If a person is struggling with anger issues there will be signs.
Below are some real-life examples from people who have a loved one or close friend who is struggling with anger. You'll see that these struggles can be found in men and women alike.
Men
Women
Do you recognize yourself (or someone else) in the quotes above?
If you do, it’s likely that anger has become an issue.
There are a variety of behaviors that can indicate an anger management problem – you just have to know what to look for.
So, just what are some signs that you could have anger issues?
Let’s consider the patterns illustrated in the quotes above. Here are 10 that I identified:
This isn't a complete list of signs that you have anger problems, but it's a pretty good start.
If you recognize yourself, or someone you know, in these quotes or this list of anger symptoms, don't feel too bad.
Struggles with anger are common. The first step towards change is awareness and acceptance of the problem.
I used to see myself within this list too, but I’ve learned how to manage my anger and you can as well.
The biggest obstacle for those of us with anger issues is denying that it's true.
There’s no way to change if you can’t admit to yourself that change is needed.
It will be difficult, but also empowering, for you to be open with those you love about your desire to change. A support system can encourage and help hold you accountable with following through too.
You should know that learning to control your anger it isn't as easy as people would like to think.
However, learning the 3-fold approach we use to effectively treat anger management problems will help immensely.
If you feel anger has gotten difficult to control and you’re seeing signs of anger issues, don’t wait any longer to act.
Anger issues will lead to many serious problems. These can be prevented though if action is taken to change.
Was this article helpful in learning the signs that you (or someone you love) has anger issues? If so, sign-up at the bottom of this page to receive notice of future posts or follow me on Facebook or Twitter where I share other helpful relationship and self-improvement advice like this several times a week.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 27, 2015, updated on November 13, 2018 and again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
3 Min Read Contents Emotions are tricky things. They can flare up in an instant or slowly build over time, reshaping how we perceive ourselves and the people closest to us. Among the most misunderstood emotions are anger and resentment.
Are you Married To An Angry Man? Find out from one wife’s real-life experience what it's like being Married To An Angry Man. See if Angry Men can change.
Got a stubborn husband?I know what that’s like. I work with them every day (I used to be one).
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My partner gambles all the time to the point we've missed rent and have had to pay double the following week he constantly lies about it aswell. I feel like my kids go without and his kids never go without, he constantly has to have control over money and I'm fed up of it.. Don't know what to do.
Elle, You need some professional counseling to learn how to respond, and protect yourself and your kids. -Dr. Kurt
Hello,
Do you have any insight to PTSD? Preferably combat PTSD? I understand behavior is behavior, but its awfully hard to not sympathize when theres a label for it. My soon to be ex had Combat PTSD + trauma from childhood, and it was so hard to deal with! The anger was obvious, he would project blame onto me for everything including the divorce he initiated, he cheated and that was also my fault, and to be exact, it didn't fit HIS criteria for cheating so he goes back and forth on that one. That did not allow me to heal and actually caused a great deal of insecurity & he was unable to connect the dots. He complained that I didn't make him lunch, so I made him lunch the next day. Lo & behold, the sandwich wasn't up to par. The bread was too dry, and he did not want it. I was shocked, he was a MARINE, who complains about bread quality? Anywho I tried to convince him to take it anyway, & he threw the sandwiches at me rather& he didn't want to so I told him to give them back, which resulted in him throwing them at me hard. Of course, i deserved to have sandwiches beamed at me, just like I made him cheat, and I was the reason for the divorce. I clearly don't understand. HE complained that I was controlling with money - but we had a BUDGET we both agreed to! I feel manipulated and like I am a fool to everyone. Its hard to deal with. I just don't understand! Oh, and, what is your opinion on medical marijuana? The new 'fad' is marijuana for veterans… and i don't agree. I witness the effects first-hand. Its just like any other addiction to steer clear of dealing with emotions. My ex would smoke 24/7 and PTSD was an excuse not to cope healthily.
Patricia, Yes, I've worked a lot with PTSD and combat-related PTSD. Much of what you describe is not PTSD. Yes, PTSD can result in anger, even extreme anger, but this sounds more complicated than that. Your ex was abusive and many people with PTSD, even combat-related, are not abusive. -Dr. Kurt
My younger brother (10) seems to be getting angry and frustrated with the littlest things. Just this morning I was humming to a song and he started to yell at me to "Shut up, or I swear I'll hit you with this" while holding a metal spoon. I told him to not hit people with spoons or any other metal silverware and it seemed to make it worse. When he came home from school earlier I was once again listening to music and he stomped in and told me to "Stop Or Else!" So I did, not wanting to deal with his anger, and walked into the kitchen to charge my phone and I asked him what he had for homework and he once again threatened to hit me with his Chromebook. He has had other incidents where hitting constantly comes into play with his anger. Just last week he threatened to punch me if I didn't move out of his "spot" on the couch. Of course I hadn't moved due to my 85lbs family dog laying on my lap and he tried multiple times to punch me. Our mom had then walked in and yelled at him to just sit somewhere else instead of hurting me. I've been doing lots of research lately trying to find out if he may have anger issues because of the way he takes it on in violence. Please let me know if you think he may, and if there is anything I can do to help him with it even though I'm only a 9th grader or if this is something my parents and a counselor or something of the sort can help with. Thank you
Madison, yes, it sounds like he has anger issues. You need to tell your parents about these incidents and ask them to help him. This is not your job and he's not likely to take any advice from you anyhow. You're right to be concerned though because it does sound like he needs help. -Dr. Kurt
I'm not certain if I should label my situation as a result of anger or being overly sensitive. There are many times that I'm so put off by how I'm treated that I lose out on sleep, I withdraw and my stomach knots up. I'm a student in college and it gets so bad sometimes that I lose focus on class material. The majority of upsetting feelings revolve around the lack of attention, passion and appreciation I receive from my husband after he repeatedly begged me to marry him. We're 3 months newly weds and are both fairly young. I've been doing a great job expressing myself non-aggressively lately hoping he'll open up to me and that we'll actually have a conversation about it. But there's nothing. (I mean crickets on his end. But he'll readily switch the subject to some other irrelevant topic) He seems so uninterested and I can feel the turmoil inside of me waiting to erupt. I don't know what more to do to deal with these unsettling emotions. I DON'T want to act out of anger. But crying about it, leaving the scene and talking about it doesn't work.
Helen, Expressing your frustration about how you're being treated isn't something to be avoided. You need to be honest and real with him. Getting professional counseling would be wise before things get worse. -Dr. Kurt
My partner get extremely angry over the littlest things. We can be having a friendly debate and one comment will send him into a tailspin with name calling, screaming and breaking things. He immediately shuts down and refuses to talk or see me. Locks me out of the house for days. Today he ripped the visor out of my car because I didn't agree with his opinion.
He's a police officer and I think he has to maintain such discipline at work that at home he doesn't know how to deal with situations.
How can I approach him to get help without insulting or insinuating he's nuts?
Beth, This sounds like more than just consequences from the discipline in his work. Read the articles on this site on Abusive Relationships - you're in one. Rather than ask how do you help him you ought to be first asking how do you help yourself. Part of the way you get him to see that he needs help is by better taking care of yourself. Find a professional counselor to give you guidance on how to do this. -Dr. Kurt