5 Min Read
Contents
We’ve all experienced anger. Whether it’s triggered by another person, situation, or the various injustices in the world, anger is a common human feeling and response. But does feeling angry mean you have anger issues?
No.
There’s a difference between occasionally getting angry and having anger issues.
However, knowing whether your anger is in the normal range or a whether you’re one of the many people who have issues with anger can be tricky.
The good news for those whose anger goes beyond the occasional is that there are some very clear signs of anger issues that can help you understand the difference.
The best place to look for signs that you’ve got issues with anger is with the people closest to you.
Most people can do a pretty good job hiding anger from friends and coworkers, but it's our loved ones who see us when we're the most real.
They’re the ones we feel most relaxed and safest with, so, unfortunately, they’re the ones we’re also most likely take our anger out on. And for some of us it happens so often that it becomes a problem.,
Regular anger can cause difficulties with relationships, families, and jobs.
So, what are the signs that you have anger issues and what can you do about it?
Is it possible that because of your anger you could look like this shark to your wife, partner, or kids?
Those of us with anger issues never want to think so, but sadly, sometimes those around us see -- and fear -- us just like we all do a Great White Shark.
It's easy to assume that it's just men who have anger management problems. While it’s true that men’s anger issues can be more obvious, women are just as prone to having problems with anger as men.
Struggling with anger has less to do with gender and more to do with the psychological issues and life experiences that have shaped us.
Often there can be unresolved problems from the past, that have created an emotional struggle within a person. When left unaddressed these feelings eventually impact our ability to control our anger and respond appropriately to situations or other people.
Present day external stresses can play a large role as well.
How we think about and process events is another contributing factor.
People who are already vulnerable to getting angry can find it difficult to let go of anger or control their anger response when faced with even mild stress. This can happen equally to both men and women.
If a person is struggling with anger issues there will be signs.
Below are some real-life examples from people who have a loved one or close friend who is struggling with anger. You'll see that these struggles can be found in men and women alike.
Men
Women
Do you recognize yourself (or someone else) in the quotes above?
If you do, it’s likely that anger has become an issue.
There are a variety of behaviors that can indicate an anger management problem – you just have to know what to look for.
So, just what are some signs that you could have anger issues?
Let’s consider the patterns illustrated in the quotes above. Here are 10 that I identified:
This isn't a complete list of signs that you have anger problems, but it's a pretty good start.
If you recognize yourself, or someone you know, in these quotes or this list of anger symptoms, don't feel too bad.
Struggles with anger are common. The first step towards change is awareness and acceptance of the problem.
I used to see myself within this list too, but I’ve learned how to manage my anger and you can as well.
The biggest obstacle for those of us with anger issues is denying that it's true.
There’s no way to change if you can’t admit to yourself that change is needed.
It will be difficult, but also empowering, for you to be open with those you love about your desire to change. A support system can encourage and help hold you accountable with following through too.
You should know that learning to control your anger it isn't as easy as people would like to think.
However, learning the 3-fold approach we use to effectively treat anger management problems will help immensely.
If you feel anger has gotten difficult to control and you’re seeing signs of anger issues, don’t wait any longer to act.
Anger issues will lead to many serious problems. These can be prevented though if action is taken to change.
Was this article helpful in learning the signs that you (or someone you love) has anger issues? If so, sign-up at the bottom of this page to receive notice of future posts or follow me on Facebook or Twitter where I share other helpful relationship and self-improvement advice like this several times a week.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 27, 2015, updated on November 13, 2018 and again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Both can cause pain, damage relationships, and leave people feeling trapped in a cycle of negativity. Yet, they are not the same. Which makes understanding the difference between anger and resentment, and how they show up in relationships, the first step toward breaking free of their grip.
Are you Married To An Angry Man? Find out from one wife’s real-life experience what it's like being Married To An Angry Man. See if Angry Men can change.
Got a stubborn husband?I know what that’s like. I work with them every day (I used to be one).
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He's had problems with anger for as long as I've known him, however it's worse when we're at home. We've been in marriage counseling for a couple of years. Our counselor has reviewed the biological signs of anger with us, but he continues to insist that use of signals from me is necessary when my husband's anger gets out of control. My husband becomes angry very quickly, so I don't have much time. Whenever I've given the agreed upon signals, he ignores them. Our marriage counselor is aware of these failures but continues to insist I use signals to provide feedback for my husband. Unfortunately, these signals also tend to exacerbate my husband's anger. Could you let me know your thoughts on use of signals by the spouse? When should they be introduced? Are signals absolutely necessary? I must admit I feel frustrated that I'm still being told to use them when signals have never worked. When we discuss the failures with our counselor, my husband is not confronted about his inappropriate anger and he comes up with ridiculous excuses where I'm to blame (e.g., we ran out of paper plates & I thought we had more, my husband believed a lie a family had told and became furious with me before I was even allowed to give my side, etc). Please help!
Diana, Such prompts from you should just be a stepping stone to his learning to recognize his anger and the affect it's having on others and his environment on his own. You're not responsible for managing his behavior and it sounds like the signals have over stayed their usefulness and have turned into just that. It seems like you'd benefit from working with a therapist more experienced in treating anger problems and one willing to hold your husband accountable. -Kurt
Hi Kurt,
Thanks for the response. I'm limited as to getting another therapist. This is the second counselor we've been two. Both of them stated they specifically had experience with marriage counseling, including dealing with anger. The one we're seeing now even gave me an anger plan which he has yet to fully implement. It's been 20 months. Both of these counselors have over 25+ years experience. What are other techniques to use other than time out signals? I can't believe this is the only strategy..... Thanks so much for your help!
Diana, Unfortunately, I can't make any recommendations without knowing your husband. Finding a therapist who specializes in treating anger management issues and one who will hold your husband accountable might be your best course of action. -Kurt
Hi Kurt,
I'm not asking for strategies for our specific situation. I'm just looking for anger management strategies other than giving a time out signal. The counselors we've seen don't know of any other signals/strategies.
Also, We have already been to 2 marriage counselors with 25+ years experience each whose expertise is anger management. There are 2 others who claim to have experience in this issue, however one is 4 months out of college and the other has less than 2 years experience. I spoke with the 2nd one, and he was already becoming nervous about meeting my husband...
I feel my wife (age53) has anger issues. I'm 57 btw and married 24 yrs. I got bad news re my work because of something I did. It was not illegal , let's say I didn't follow policy to the letter. I was afraid to tell my wife lest she gets angry plus there was no confirmation at that point that there would be an investigation.Once confirmed I told her and she became very angry , even name calling. This is exactly why I'm slow in telling her but she doesn',t see it. She comes from a dysfunctional family where anger and fights were the norm. She had to take care of her 6 younger siblings after her dad died when she was 12. Her mum had many breakdowns and was emotionally unavailable. If she or her siblings sort support from their mum because other kids bullied them , the mum would blame her own kids. She is melancholic and I'm Phlegmatic. I feel she doesn't understand where I'm coming from and makes wrong assumptions about my motives. Even our children(2 girls 24 and 22) feel she has anger issues. Any advice. Kind regards Peter
Peter, What we allow will continue, so you will have to decide what you're willing and unwilling to tolerate in your relationship. You can't control her behavior, but you can control your reaction to hers. You can try seeking out counseling without her and she may change her mind and go with you. -Kurt
I don't know what to do. My husband is usually the sweetest and warmest person I know. Occasionally, he has moments where he gets angry about things. This evening, it was about me seeming to not be considerate of his needs. He was mostly upset because he wasn't able to take care of things he needed to, but he (seemed to be) blaming me for the amount of traffic today when he tried to take me to the beach. I had phone problems and asked that he picked me up... again, because of traffic, this was a BIG deal to him. Later, he blew up at a restaurant because I wasn't be sensitive to his needs. Part of me thinks I should have been more alert to what he needs, but I am really hurt by his blowing up at me in public... and when he blows up like that, it is scary. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.
Hi, I'm 11 years old and my issue is with my internet best friend. She always got angry when she was angry, like, really angry, but never as often as the past year. She rants a lot and I always try and help or point things out, and in return she just yells, in all caps a lot of the time, that I'm stupid for not understanding or not getting her point, or just getting frustrated at me for nothing. I'm usually calm when it comes to these things and try and help, not start fights. I've brought up the topic of anger issues once, and she admitted she might have developed them after a major fight wit another internet friend that eventually left us and ignored us and found different friends. When he started to come back and we started hanging it together a little more, her anger pushed him away again when she blocked him. I think we've had a couple skype calls since but I never know how the relationship is. That's also the thing, with everything, she's the leader it feels like. She's the one who tells me if I can send things to people or not or what to say to people. We had a fight that almost split us apart once because I had had enough of being stepped on and wanted to stand up for myself in the fights. She despised me, and started he fight between us because I was going through a stage where I didn't find an interest in role playing, while she did and got mad at me because I never wanted to. One of our other friends, Ethan, got pushed away after she got in a fight with him when he talked to her because he felt hurt that she had lied about her age and name to him, and he found her personal account. She also got mad at our friend chaos because apparently he always ignored her and went on do not disturb all the time, which when I talked to him for awhile learned that it was because he was playing games, and a lot of the time she would start yelling at him after he didn't respond for awhile, when a lot of the time he was playing games. Once I was playing a game on my computer, one I had been playing almost constant for awhile, and I had do not disturb on while I played the game, so to make it easier on myself I never turned it off. When I checked my phone and saw she had called me and texted me and got mad at me for ignoring her, which I was playing a game, and knew I would have to drop the game if I answered her and do something with her or else she would get bored then get mad and start blaming be for things, so once I did ignore her, but other times I really didn't see her text. She got mad at me when I told her this, and said that maybe it's because I was on do not disturb, and she put a fake smiley face. Since I'm pretty calm and my friend trusted me a little more, he told me his real name and age and everything me and my friend had been wanting to know forever. He didn't tell my friend however. I held off telling her this forever, until she forced it out of me. She was heartbroken and unhealthily angry like always, but even more angry than normal. I said sorry so many times but she wouldn't calm down. She wasn't mad at me, but our other friend, since she was his friend first. Another time I tried to help by trying to make us all friends again, all of our friends who she had pushed away. Everything was going fine and we were laughing and everything, no hate. But then I texted my best friend and heard a whole other side to the story. She was mad. Very very mad. She yelled at me on the chat, asking why I couldn't just stay out of it, I was confused and didn't know what to do, so I just said sorry and ended the conversation. Her anger hurts. And I'm positive it's unhealthy for her. She also stresses a ton about homework and rants and gets mad when I try and help her. I feel like I've written too much, so I'll end here with the question; I want to talk to her a little about it and see if maybe she could get help, but I don't want her stressing, getting angry, or getting emotional. What do I do?
Chloe, Sometimes being on the computer and playing games too much can make people, especially young people, become more aggressive. If this is someone you see in person, you should talk to a trusted adult about it as soon as you can. If this is only via the internet, you should also talk to a trusted adult as soon as you can, and with that adult's help, you can let her know that if she's going to continue to behave the way she does, that you can't have her in your games anymore. You don't have to tolerate being treated badly by your friends. -Kurt
Chloe, first I wanna say thank you for being a good friend to her. It sound like she may have a deeper issue going on that only she can find help for. With everything that is going on between you and her, it can get ugly fast. My advise is to talk to her about how you feel and then let her talk to an adult for help. This a lot for an 11 year old to have to deal with.