You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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We’ve all experienced loneliness at one time or another. That feeling is one of the worst pains we can experience. What’s even worse, however, is feeling lonely and alone when you’re in a relationship.
Being in a relationship is supposed to make you happy and provide you with a sense of companionship - the opposite of feeling alone and lonely.
Sadly, for many, this isn’t the case.
So, the contradiction of feeling alone while in a relationship can cause confusion, discontent, and even hopelessness.
If we can’t feel connected in a relationship with someone who’s supposed to love us, then what hope is there that we’ll ever not feel alone?
Check out this post I wrote as an illustration.
Feeling alone in a relationship isn’t just a problem - it's also a call to action.
It's a warning sign that something's wrong and needs to be fixed. Too often, however, loneliness is ignored and accepted as normal.
I find that most people accept feeling lonely in their relationship way too long. Many assume that it’s a phase and it will change over time.
That’s almost never the case. Typically, it only gets worse.
At first, it may not even look or feel like you're alone. Many chalk it up to,
But over time these individual problems begin to add up, multiply, and become a generalized feeling about the relationship as a whole.
It's really important that we're proactive about addressing problems in our relationships.
Just like it's not smart to ignore the engine warning light on the dash of your car, the same goes to the warning signs at home. We all know that if we disregard that dash light it'll cost us more later on.
Feeling lonely is less about being physically alone and more about the quality of the connection you have with your partner.
If you’re in a relationship and feeling lonely, it’s likely that what you‘re really missing is a feeling of trust and understanding that comes with a close emotional connection.
Sadly, long-term relationships are prone to this.
People assume the love they shared at the beginning is enough to sustain them and keep them close forever.
Unfortunately, this just isn’t true.
A loving relationship takes ongoing effort - without it partners will drift apart and lose the caring and intimacy that keeps loneliness at bay.
It’s easy to become so focused on your own feelings that you stop recognizing how your partner is feeling or see the small changes in their behavior that offer clues.
If you’re feeling alone in your relationship, your partner may be too.
Although it can be difficult because of the distance that has grown between you, try finding time to start a heartfelt conversation about how you’re each feeling. Sharing these feelings can open the door to beginning to truly understand the problems that led you to this point.
This conversation(s) can also begin to bring you closer and help you remember why you fell in love in the first place.
You could also consider taking the initiative to create some new experiences for the two of you. Small activities like walking the dog or cooking together can bring you closer little by little.
Be careful about assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they’ll respond to your efforts at conversation or activities. Too often, in a long-term relationship, we believe we already know how our partner will react or what they’ll say.
While you may know them well, and your predicting certain behaviors can be right on the money, emotional responses and deeper feelings can’t truly be understood without asking, no matter how long you’ve been together. This is especially true when it comes to how they feel about you.
The point is, if you’re feeling alone in a relationship, do something about it.
If you don’t know what to do, that’s okay - there’s help available. Sometimes, it requires the assistance of a professional counselor to show you how to get things back on track. But these experts can only help if you’re willing to see the warning signs and act.
Remember, if you do nothing, then nothing will change.
There’s nothing easy about feeling lonely in your relationship.
When the person in your world who’s supposed to be there for you, know you, love you, etc., makes you feel like an island in your own relationship - well, it’s heartbreaking.
Know that you’re not alone. This happens to many, many couples over the course of a long-term relationship. The good news is that it doesn't have to stay this way.
Keep in mind that,
Regardless of the reason, if you’re feeling lonely in your relationship that feeling should be considered a call to action.
Depending on the contributing factors and the length of time they’ve been present, you may need the assistance of an experienced couples counselor to help bring you back together.
You deserve a relationship that brings happiness and love to your life. If instead of that you’re feeling alone it’s up to you to change it.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 7, 2013, update on February 6, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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To gogetter; yes he drinks a lot.
I have been lonely and sad for too many years. They are never going to change, they don't appreciate you, they don't respect you, so get up off your asses and leave them - you have a choice to be happy.
My boyfriend of 3 years lies about visiting porn sites. He is 53 and i just turned 36 and he should be cherishing and appreciating me. I want to get past this but at his age is it too late? Ive never had to deal with this before. I found tons of porn sites in his browser history and he deleted them then i found more. Life is too short and i wont be in my 30s forever so should i cut my losses and wish him the best? I cant believe ive stuck around for this bull shit. Maybe im not as secure as i thought. Maybe im more codependent. How can we get someone to admit or take responsibility. Because he wont should i just go??? I feel ive been betrayed i feel like ive been decieved and i feel like if this is how he is going to care for me im better off alone. Please advise. I thank you in advance for your time. April
April, Porn addiction is a tricky thing to deal with. He may not realize he is addicted and will need professional help to quit. I never give up hope and have seen many couples stay together through this. Like any addiction however, he will have to want to stop. -Kurt
Wow, sounds exactly like my situation. You are not alone.
Am really shocked to see everyone here. everyone having different worst experiences. I want to share my story with you all. We were in relation for 7 years and got married 3 years back. So ts like 10 years we are together. The villain my life is Phone and games. He is full time on it . We both are IT professionals. After work he directly start playing games like continuously for 3-4 hours. Even if I try to talk he says to go away. I wait for him all night his games never end. Every night I try to sleep and I just can cry and cry and cry.. I dnd know how he became so insane . He is not realizing day by day my health is getting ruined. Two three times I tried to speak him softly, that time he just end up in SEX..which is not the thing I want. Then I tried shouting, fighting..which made him silent and to play all night. All weekend he just play games. I am depressed and I feel I will be loosing my self. I am sad and now am not able to cry ..its just silence.. and its 5 days am not talking. I think he is happy , as he can play and there is no disturbance. I cant take this anymore. I love him and he just don't care. HE is completely adicted and doesn't understand me anymore. I am alone. I dnd feel like working. Am not able to smile. Please help me
Nimisha