You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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Contents
We’ve all experienced loneliness at one time or another. That feeling is one of the worst pains we can experience. What’s even worse, however, is feeling lonely and alone when you’re in a relationship.
Being in a relationship is supposed to make you happy and provide you with a sense of companionship - the opposite of feeling alone and lonely.
Sadly, for many, this isn’t the case.
So, the contradiction of feeling alone while in a relationship can cause confusion, discontent, and even hopelessness.
If we can’t feel connected in a relationship with someone who’s supposed to love us, then what hope is there that we’ll ever not feel alone?
Check out this post I wrote as an illustration.
Feeling alone in a relationship isn’t just a problem - it's also a call to action.
It's a warning sign that something's wrong and needs to be fixed. Too often, however, loneliness is ignored and accepted as normal.
I find that most people accept feeling lonely in their relationship way too long. Many assume that it’s a phase and it will change over time.
That’s almost never the case. Typically, it only gets worse.
At first, it may not even look or feel like you're alone. Many chalk it up to,
But over time these individual problems begin to add up, multiply, and become a generalized feeling about the relationship as a whole.
It's really important that we're proactive about addressing problems in our relationships.
Just like it's not smart to ignore the engine warning light on the dash of your car, the same goes to the warning signs at home. We all know that if we disregard that dash light it'll cost us more later on.
Feeling lonely is less about being physically alone and more about the quality of the connection you have with your partner.
If you’re in a relationship and feeling lonely, it’s likely that what you‘re really missing is a feeling of trust and understanding that comes with a close emotional connection.
Sadly, long-term relationships are prone to this.
People assume the love they shared at the beginning is enough to sustain them and keep them close forever.
Unfortunately, this just isn’t true.
A loving relationship takes ongoing effort - without it partners will drift apart and lose the caring and intimacy that keeps loneliness at bay.
It’s easy to become so focused on your own feelings that you stop recognizing how your partner is feeling or see the small changes in their behavior that offer clues.
If you’re feeling alone in your relationship, your partner may be too.
Although it can be difficult because of the distance that has grown between you, try finding time to start a heartfelt conversation about how you’re each feeling. Sharing these feelings can open the door to beginning to truly understand the problems that led you to this point.
This conversation(s) can also begin to bring you closer and help you remember why you fell in love in the first place.
You could also consider taking the initiative to create some new experiences for the two of you. Small activities like walking the dog or cooking together can bring you closer little by little.
Be careful about assuming you know what your partner is thinking or how they’ll respond to your efforts at conversation or activities. Too often, in a long-term relationship, we believe we already know how our partner will react or what they’ll say.
While you may know them well, and your predicting certain behaviors can be right on the money, emotional responses and deeper feelings can’t truly be understood without asking, no matter how long you’ve been together. This is especially true when it comes to how they feel about you.
The point is, if you’re feeling alone in a relationship, do something about it.
If you don’t know what to do, that’s okay - there’s help available. Sometimes, it requires the assistance of a professional counselor to show you how to get things back on track. But these experts can only help if you’re willing to see the warning signs and act.
Remember, if you do nothing, then nothing will change.
There’s nothing easy about feeling lonely in your relationship.
When the person in your world who’s supposed to be there for you, know you, love you, etc., makes you feel like an island in your own relationship - well, it’s heartbreaking.
Know that you’re not alone. This happens to many, many couples over the course of a long-term relationship. The good news is that it doesn't have to stay this way.
Keep in mind that,
Regardless of the reason, if you’re feeling lonely in your relationship that feeling should be considered a call to action.
Depending on the contributing factors and the length of time they’ve been present, you may need the assistance of an experienced couples counselor to help bring you back together.
You deserve a relationship that brings happiness and love to your life. If instead of that you’re feeling alone it’s up to you to change it.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 7, 2013, update on February 6, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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I've been in a relationship for 25 years, no sex this last 5 years however he is addicted to porn and only thinks of his needs. I think it's because of he,s over weight (370lbs) or it because I am tired of pleasing him and it's never about me. I am reaching to my limit living like this however don't want to leave my comfort . I wish I was more independent financially and more gutsy!
Iam having issues with my husband I feel he pushes me away..he wants to travel on every business trip to fly away,,we have four kids that we both love so much...he says I nag...once he had sexting affairs he promised it ended but again I found a new phone and new numbers...he refuses its his...he says am crazy.....he also says Iam the love of his life....I don't knows where I missed and what I should do!!!! Please help me
AA, I have seen many couples recover from emotional affairs and sexting relationships, but it takes work. It sounds like more is going on here, however. Try reading the Cheating Spouse section, as well as Marriage Problems for some ideas and suggestions about steps to take. -Kurt
Kurt, how can people recover from sexting affairs when the trust is broken...and he refused that he did the action....
Abir, He will have to take responsibility for his actions in order to start earning back the trust. If he can't do that, consider counseling. A professional can help him do that, and give you both the tools to move forward. -Kurt
My man and I have been together for a year and a half. A couple weeks ago I noticed he was distant, so I asked and he said he doesn't know how he feels anymore but that he wants to make it work. So for the past week and a half I have been on my best behavior and we have been laughing and he has been acting very normal- kissing me, saying I love you, etc. So I asked how he feels about our relationship now and he said nothing has changed- hasn't gotten worse but it hasn't gotten better. This was very surprising to me since he has been acting normal. I sent him articles about what to do if your husband loves you but isn't in love with you anymore and he said he's not sure if that's how he feels but that he just feels empty. I don't know what to do.. I know that it takes time but I feel like there should have been a tiny bit of progress to show that we're moving in the right direction.
Ashley, Sounds like you're on the right track, making an effort to put your best self forward. Sometimes change does take time and patience, but I suspect there's more going on. Have you considered couples counseling? It would help him get to the bottom of what's going on. -Kurt
I can't be in the same room with my husband for more than five minutes. He starts belittling me and taking jabs until I respond. Then it's, why are you acting so defensive? I feel like it's intentional, like he wants to push me away. If I say anything about it he just tells me I'm too sensitive, why can't I take a joke? It's wrecking me.
Amy, Belittling you is not funny, and can be abusive. Have you asked him why he is trying to get a rise out of you? Regardless of why, he needs to take responsibility for his behavior, and it's not something you have to tolerate. Consider seeking out a professional counselor to talk to. Even if your husband won't go with you, go on your own. It will still be very helpful. In the meantime, take a look at the Abusive Relationships section on the right of this page for more information. -Kurt
Just want to say that my message was full of typo errors 😳. I feel that people were able to figure out what the errors really meant. Although I didn't receive any support or suggestions.