Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Contents
Part 2 of 3 on Porn for Women
Okay, all the men are dying to know - do women watch porn?
For many men there’s something very appealing about the idea of a woman watching porn – especially if they can do it together.
Well guys, yes, some women do watch porn.
However, in my counseling experience the majority of women do not and have no interest in doing so. And the ones that do are usually interested in porn that’s very different from what most men have in mind.
Sorry guys.
But that doesn’t mean that porn isn’t a factor in many women’s lives and relationships. In fact, you might be surprised at the role that porn can play in a woman’s life and the reasons some women watch porn.
Watching porn is typically seen as a man’s habit, not a woman’s. We don’t usually think of women watching porn or developing a porn addiction and this is for good reason – most women don’t.
But that’s not to say that women don’t watch. They just typically watch for different reasons than men.
Some of the most common reasons a woman would choose to watch porn are to:
Many women mistakenly put their own feelings and desires aside and accept watching porn to try to make their man happy.
They view it as something they need to do in order to satisfy him and prevent what they fear will happen next – him cheating .
So, despite feeling what many women describe as repulsion, they watch porn with their partner out of a sense of necessity.
Men as a whole have a strong attraction to and easy acceptance of porn. And a lot of women really want to understand more about why.
So, they’ll watch porn to try to find out.
Our culture has made watching porn normal and has removed nearly all of the negative views that once surrounded it. Current movies, music, and advertising have all incorporated pornographic images and references as a result.
So now finding it distasteful and expressing a problem with porn can feel like you’re going against the grain and will be judged as a prude, unimaginative, or uncomfortable with sexuality. For this reason, some women watch and accept porn because they feel like they have to in order to be “normal.”
There are women who watch porn for the same reasons men do - visual stimulation, sexual arousal, and release.
Both men and women respond to visual stimulation, but what they want to see and the reasons they want to see it can be quite different. While men typically want to see graphic sexual images, women tend to prefer more suggestive and sensual imagery.
That being said, women who openly enjoy porn are still a minority, albeit a growing minority. In fact, porn addiction in women is becoming a bigger problem with each passing year.
Porn can negatively affect both men and women. It’s not the harmless pastime that many men claim.
Porn distorts our thinking about sex, leading to unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction in healthy sexual relationships, feelings of inadequacy, and, in some cases, sexual abuse.
However, most people don't know any of this, nor do they realize how damaging porn is to them.
A number of women have had negative sexual experiences that have altered their view of sex. Some of them are aware of this, but many are not.
An unhealthy view and understanding of sex can contribute to a desire to watch porn for both women and men, and make true intimacy with a real partner nearly impossible.
To better understand women and porn, be sure to read the last article, Do Women Like Porn?
Let’s be clear – porn isn’t a healthy habit for men or women. Yet because it’s so readily accessible and seemingly harmless, many people figure, why not watch?
One of the problems is that the effects of porn on the brain are similar to that of many narcotics. By igniting the pleasure centers in the brain, porn can cause the same euphoric response and lead to the same kind of addiction as drugs.
And just like a drug, you’ll need more and more porn to become aroused, more explicit content, and eventually you’ll find you’re unable to perform sexually without it.
Although you can’t overdose on porn the same way you can on something like Heroin, you can cause long-lasting psychological damage that can make normal, healthy sexual relationships very difficult.
So, should women watch porn?
No. And while we’re discussing it, neither should men.
Watching porn is portrayed as a no-big-deal, everyone-does-it activity. And truthfully, many people do watch porn, including women.
But male or female, watching porn causes problems.
Remember,
So back to the question, “Do women watch porn?”
Yes, some do, but the reasons they do are varied. And just because a woman chooses to watch porn doesn’t make watching porn right or good for them. Remember, a lot of people unknowingly do stupid things that aren't good for them.
In the next and last post on the topic of women and porn we’ll hear what women think about porn in their own words.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published July 14, 2012, updated on December 22, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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It seems like societal pressures can sometimes cloud our judgement on these issues and cause us to practically bend over backwards in an effort to portray females as being so much more virtuous, genteel, and naive than they actually are.
We create innocent-sounding excuses in an effort to sugarcoat women's natural raw desires to explore their own sexuality. Are we really STILL uncomfortable with the idea that women can be just as "naughty" as men? Or are we trying to be heroic and chivalrous by shielding women's reputations against any accusations of indecency, and by rescuing women from the need to feel any guilt or embarrassment over their own "naughtiness"?
This type of "benevolent sexism" may seem like the polite thing to do, but it sometimes comes across as a comical attempt at trying to maintain a straight face while denying the obvious.
The whole tone of this article kind of reminds me of that old joke about men jumping through hoops in an attempt to rationalize to their wives why they subscribe to Playboy magazine - "It's only to read the interesting news stories and interviews of course, it's definitely NOT for the pictures. Well, OK, maaaybe I MIGHT take a brief glance at the pictures every once in a while."
If I may be so bold, women are every bit as curious and obsessed about sex as men are, if not more so. Women struggle with temptation just like men do. They crave sexual release just like men do. They "pleasure themselves" just like men do. They are sexual beings just as much as men are.
And women look at porn in MUCH higher numbers than they will ever admit to. Some of the largest porn sites report that females already account for more than one third of their viewership, and this percentage just keeps getting larger every single year. It won't be long until women are consuming just as much porn as men are. In fact, if you want to include romance fiction, with sales of well over one billion (that's BILLION with a B) per year, women are probably ALREADY consuming as much porn as men are.
And women these days will dress in such skimpy, form-fitting clothing that they are for all intents and purposes exhibitionists. They will go to spring break and Mardi Gras, and party like drunken sailors, and fully indulge themselves in all out debauchery. They will send out nude selfies and post them on amateur porn sites.
Women have disclosed that they like to fantasize about being forcibly taken, dominated, and ravished by men. . . and about having sex with total strangers. . .and about becoming strippers and prostitutes. . .and about participating in group sex. And 82% of women own sex toys according to a recent survey.
Women will freely engage in casual hookups and have sex on the first date. And at the risk of stating the obvious, men can only "sow their wild oats" to the extent that equal numbers of women are out there doing EXACTLY the same thing - it takes two to tango after all.
And no, women are not being "tricked" or "forced" into doing all these things by devious males - women happily choose to do these things out of their own free will.
In other words, women are horny too, believe it or not! And this should really not come as a big surprise to anyone, because sexual urges are totally normal for both males AND females.
Yet old ideas are slow to change, and there are people of both sexes who will still outwardly insist that females are all innocent, chaste, and unsullied, despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary. And these people are very much in denial. But nevertheless, they will determinedly stand their ground and cling to these old stereotypes, and if you try to convince them they are mistaken they will only stick their fingers in their ears and call out "La-la-la I can't hear you!"
And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to suggest that women are any WORSE than men, because men are not exactly choir boys either. But I think it's probably safe to say that women are at least as horny as men are, while admittedly not in exactly the same ways as men.
But even if we still assume men are worse, they really aren't all that much worse than women. And at this point it's really just downright laughable for us to continue trying to pretend that females are angelic, wholesome, and pure as the driven snow, as if they are innocently free from any of the lascivious thoughts and behaviors that those earthy, indecent, horndog males are guilty of. These outdated narratives are just total BS, and this is a very delusional way of thinking about this whole subject.
And by the way, women look at porn for pretty much the same reasons that men look at porn. And if anybody still honestly believes females genuinely are in fact wide-eyed innocent babes in the woods then I've got some oceanfront property in Nebraska that I would really like to sell them.
Hi, as a woman, I’d like to give my perspective. I think I am a very normal woman, I had a great childhood and I have no tendencies towards addiction. I grew up in an open-minded household, we had discussions about a wide variety of topics and sex was also never a taboo. My boyfriends that I had over the years were all normal, intelligent, caring guys. All of them watched porn, daily. For me that is normal male behaviour. I also watch porn sometimes, cause it’s hot. But I don’t fancy it every day. I watch a variety of porn but mostly gay porn because I find men sexy, not women. For that reason, my husband and I usually don’t watch porn together. Our interests in porn content don’t match.
Not all of my friends watch porn but they do like their “romantic” books. Those are not so different from porn in my opinion.
Apart from this, I observed, that most men love sex and a lot of it. That is how their bodies work. Most women love sex too, SOMETIMES. That is how our bodies work. Especially if we are taking the pill (decreased sex drive) or have children, cause we don’t feel like it when we are tired.
I have so many friends who complain that their husbands want sex every day. They almost resent them for it and they stopped liking sex at some point cause it’s another chore for them. I ask you, why do you end up in such a situation?! You all have a laptop and some lotion at home. Talk to each other, be mindful of your partners needs and utilise the tools available to you. Whenever your wife feels like sex, have good sex with her (make sure she has a good time, too) and whenever she doesn’t feel like it, turn on whatever you like to watch and have a good wank. Leave her alone, or better yet, cuddle. My husband and I are happily married for 15 years, we have a great sex life that only gets better with time. We have sex a couple of times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less but he watches porn every day. My point is that a good healthy sexual relationship comes with trust, communication, transparency and an understanding for each other’s needs. I personally believe porn can be a good and healthy tool to support this, for men and women.
Sorry if my English is not perfect, it’s not my first language.