Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Dealing with a narcissist can be an infuriating experience in any situation and being in a relationship with one can be even more difficult. But being in a relationship with a narcissist who has become abusive can be one of the most difficult and dangerous circumstances someone can experience. Narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships can be both emotionally and physically damaging and is often hard to recognize, even for the victim.
Many of these relationships start quite happily. Narcissists can be very charming and convincing, especially if there is something or someone they want. And although the level of abuse can vary, most narcissists do tend to become abusive as time goes on, making narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships very real.
It‘s important to understand that not all abusers are narcissists. Physical and emotional abuse can happen for a variety of reasons – none of them justifiable, but they aren’t all due to a narcissistic personality. True narcissists have a mental disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and although it can affect women, narcissism is much more common in men.
Recognizing narcissism in an individual can be tricky. Because they crave approval and attention they often work hard to make people like them, drawing others into their world and making them feel wanted and included. And in a romantic relationship this is exactly what we want, so in the beginning this behavior can look like genuine love. But that special feeling a narcissist can create for someone is short lived as they quickly turn the focus to themselves.
Narcissists have a distorted view of themselves, believing that they are entitled to considerations and treatment that other people aren’t. They see themselves as unique and special and tend to lack empathy for others, having a general disregard for other people’s feelings. So while narcissists can often seem exciting and charismatic especially at the beginning of a relationship, almost all of their actions will be driven toward fulfilling their own needs and feeding their own self-image. This lack of concern for others and pain they inflict can mean that relationship abuse at the hands of a narcissist is particularly cruel.
Narcissistic behavior typically has deep underlying causes often going back to childhood and relationships with parents and family. Their behavior evolves over time from coping mechanisms they develop to protect themselves. Later on this turns into abusive behavior as they use the people around them as stepping stones for personal gain. The causes for these behaviors can be complicated and take time and professional help to recognize, deal with and overcome.
Narcissists, despite their egotistical and self-serving nature, are dependent on those around them for validation. They need others to feed their ego and confirm the idea that they are special and better than everyone else around them. This kind of constant validation and reassurance is most easily and consistently found – or forced - in a romantic relationship.
Narcissistic abuse can occur in any close relationship, but because a love connection and bond makes us vulnerable and easily manipulated, it’s more prevalent in romantic relationships than others. The abuse can take nearly any form as well - physical, emotional, sexual, or mental but always has the same goal - power, control and self-validation.
Dr. Kurt has counseled many people dealing with narcissistic abuse in their relationships. When asked about it he had this to say,
A common description for partners of narcissists is that they 'walk on eggshells' or 'try not to upset him.' Romantic relationships are supposed to be about love, acceptance and trust. Unfortunately, narcissistic abuse in your relationships produces just the opposite. We all should feel safe to be ourselves with our partners, if you don't then see this as a problem that needs to change.”
Relationship abuse by a narcissist partner creates shame and feelings of inferiority for their victim. In this way the narcissist feeds their need to feel superior and avoid their own deeper feelings of shame or inferiority. Remember, these behaviors are often used as coping mechanisms to mask the deeper issues that need to be dealt with.
Abusive behavior by a narcissist is used to manipulate or intimidate someone into doing things that serve the narcissist, or in order to continue to prove to themselves that they are superior. They are not bothered by guilt over the pain they inflict and instead will justify their behavior as necessary, shifting the blame for their actions onto their victims rather than accepting any responsibility themselves.
Because the damage they are doing is calculated, deliberate, and causes a victim to question their own worth, narcissistic abuse can be particularly dangerous. Eventually a victim of narcissistic abuse in a relationship will start to see themselves as existing for no other reason than to take care of their of their partner and that partner’s ego. The result of such an abusive situation is that their own sense of self and their own identity can become completely lost.
Narcissistic abuse, especially when it’s emotional or mental, can be hard to recognize even for the victim. Victims can be confused by their own feelings of both love and guilt, assuming that somehow they are responsible for the behavior of their partner. And a narcissistic abuser will encourage this perception by telling their victims directly that they are at fault.
See if any of the following seem familiar.
If any of these situations sound familiar it’s very likely that your partner is a narcissist and your relationship with them has become abusive.
In a relationship with a narcissist the abuse often starts in subtle ways and then escalates over time. Because of that narcissistic abuse in a relationship can take a long time to recognize and confront. But it has to be dealt with. Not only will it not get better on its own it’s also quite possible that the emotional abuse will turn into physical abuse at some point.
The longer narcissistic abuse in a relationship goes on, the longer it will take to recover. So if you recognize any of these circumstances in your relationship or someone else’s it’s time to get help.
Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Want to know what Abusive Women are really like? Take a look at 7 behaviors used by Women who are Abusive. Read quotes from Women who Abuse and partners.
No one gets into a relationship expecting to be controlled by their partner.
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
where do I seek help from a narcissistically abusive partner?
Can counseling resolve the issue?
It's not easy to change this kind of thinking and behavior. But, yes, counseling can help. You can learn more by reading the articles in the Abusive Relationships section of our website. -Dr. Kurt