You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
4 Min Read
Contents
At Guy Stuff we work with couples facing a wide variety of problems. The love fading, being gone all together, or falling out of love are big ones for many partners in long-term relationships.
In fact, there are many couples who, after years together, completely ignore expressing love toward one another at all. A frequent complaint from wives in particular is that their husband never says, “I love you.”
For example, Julie, a wife I've been working with in marriage counseling, told me yesterday that last week her husband asked her for a hug for the first time in their 15-year marriage. She said over the years she had come to accept the lack of affection, even though she wasn’t happy about it, as how things were.
When he hugged her it made her realize that not only had that level of affection been missing, but that her husband had also never said “I love you” in nearly 15 years as well.
This realization was both sad and uncomfortable for her.
Shouldn’t a husband tell his wife he loves her with some regularity? At least at some point over 15-years?
When discussing her situation an article I read came to mind, Advice: He Never Says "I Love You", from Psychology Today.
I’m certain Julie can relate to these excerpts from the article. How about you?
See if you can relate to the wife in this article.
Here's the advice given by Psychology Today:
While this is an interesting article, I disagree with the Psychology Today response saying that this husband "can't" say "I love you.”
I would say it’s more likely that,
Or
I counsel the type of men this article describes and know from experience they can and do develop the ability to say "I love you," and turn it into a habit with the right help. (I’m one of them).
Yes, the phrase “I love you” is just words. But they’re powerful words.
Some people claim they don’t need to say it because they make a habit of showing it.
I say you need to do both.
A satisfying relationship takes work and effort. Too often we fall into routines and just assume that our partner knows how we feel.
And then, as years go by we accept the lack of attention we give our partner, or receive from our partner, as normal – much like the couple I described above.
But saying “I love you” to your partner or spouse should remind both of you that there’s supposed to be more to your relationship than getting through the day-to-day. Stating this helps to maintain the bond you’ve created and reinforces your connection to each other.
And we all need reminders that the person we’ve chosen to partner with for life still has genuine, deep feelings for us.
Yes, there is.
The words “I love you” have to go along with actions that show they’re true. Simply throwing the words, “I love you” out there from time to time isn’t enough.
The good news is that those actions can be as simple as the hug the husband described above gave to his wife – even if it was far, far overdue.
The bottom line is that love is not just a feeling, it's a choice and an action, and one that is learned with and reinforced by practice.
When a husband never says “I love you” to his wife it chips away at their relationship and leaves them vulnerable to much bigger problems. Wives, this goes for you too.
It’s far too easy for any of us to take our spouse for granted and overlook reminding them of their importance in our life by telling them we love them.
If you're like Julie, are married to a man who never says “I love you,” keep the following in mind:
As they say, “Actions speak louder than words.” So, if your husband never says, “I love you,” watch for behaviors that say what he doesn’t. He may be silently showing you he loves you every day. Still, tell him you need to hear the words too.
What part of this can you relate to? Please share a comment below.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published March 27, 2010, updated on January 22, 2019, updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
Many husbands (and wives) are not "in love" with their partners any longer.
Is your spouse Emotionally Detached from you and your marriage? Check out these 7 Signs of Emotional Detachment and see where your relationship stands.
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
My husband doesn't say "I love you" first. Is pretty rare. 3 years of marriage and I think he only told me like 3 times during this time. He used to be more expressive to be romantic when we were just an unmarried couple. Meanwhile I got even more affectional and romantic towards him... he slowly decreased the amount until it reached 0. I don't doubt that he loves me, he is pretty affectionate in body language. But still I am the one who is always giving more in every "love language". I can't stop feeling this love being one-sided although I have been told by him that it is far from the truth. He really loves me. He said that he just got over the "in-love" phase... the phase that I was deeply in love to begin with. I don't know what to do, because I do am a romantic partner and I don't want to force him to do things he doesn't feel like doing or saying...
My parents still act pretty in-love with each other and I can't help but compare the dynamics. Don't take me wrong. My husband is pretty attentive and sometimes can be the most caring person in the earth. He just never tells me that he loves me unless I do. No matter if I tell him how much it means to me.
My husband and I have been married for 15 yrs and last year we got into an argument and some things were said by me to him and he started being distant more and more and now he doesn’t want to be with me because of the things I said. He doesn’t say he loves me but yet he’ll still have sex with me. And then go sleep separately from me. How can I fix this? We have two beautiful kids and I want to save my family. I’ve been trying to do everything under the sun to make him happy and make him change his mind I cook and clean and do laundry all the things that need to be done and still nothing. I have apologized over and over and wish I could take back all the things I said but I can’t and I need help how to win him over. Even when we have sex he says that it won’t change his mind about how he feels about me. I tell him that I love him and he says that he know that but that still doesn’t change how he feels. I’ve asked for forgiveness and he said he has forgiven me but that still doesn’t change. I don’t know what else to do. I know I’ve done wrong I just want my family and my husband back. We still live together. Also we live close to his parents and his mother has done some things that have upset me so when I confronted her about it and we got into an argument about it and he’s upset over that too. She vent on buying things for my daughter that I wanted to do and when my daughter started her period she didn’t event tell me about it until like two months later I found out on my own. I was at work when it happened she could of at least given me the heads up. She basically turned my daughter agains me my daughter treats me like I’m no one like I do t exist. She doesn’t listen to me at all and when I ask her to do something she won’t do it at all and when I’d tell my husband about it he says that I’m looking for a fight. My daughter is 15 she could throw laundry in or switch it to a dryer but she won’t. She gets away with everything. So now I do t even say anything because I’m always wrong. So if there’s something I can do to change his mind please let me know. Thanks.
I am something like you say...my husband kiss me bye go to work every morning ,he never say I love you only once Anniversary once a year...we been married 50 yrs I am so loner he talk everybody at work. but not me but sometime not much.I need attention and love. my mother show love so much I was child... my husband parents never show love so sad...that reason why...Well im still love my husband have feeling him so much...I keep pray all the time no matter what... this old system getting worst. Beside all God bless you.
I was feeling kinda bad in my situation until I read all these comments. Now I feel SO Blessed. Like I have it quite good. Marriage is hard. Some Men are selfish in that they withhold affection because "that's just how they are" and some women are too demanding, or too manipulative. They try to do more to gain affection. Instead, just look at your spouse and remember your vows. Now, have integrity and Live those Vows. Husbands, honor and love your wives (give them some affection) and Women....RESPECT your husband. That is so critical for men.