Are you Married To An Angry Man? Find out from one wife’s real-life experience what it's like being Married To An Angry Man. See if Angry Men can change.
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Most of us don't think of ourselves as needing anger management – even those of us who really do. It's easy to believe the person who with anger problems is that out-of-control guy, like the Adam Sandler character in the movie Anger Management, or Charlie Sheen (the real one, not his TV show character). Wouldn't it be helpful if there was a quick and easy anger management test?
The good news is there is – sort of. Determining if you need help with anger management isn’t overly complicated as you’ll see. There is actually an easy way to for anyone to test themself and see if they need anger management help.
It's important to understand that anger management treatment isn't just for those with extreme anger problems.
Sure, many of the men I treat have had some pretty bad episodes of anger. Here are some examples:
These are pretty extreme, but they really have happened.
More commonly the men (and women) I help with anger have just come to the realization that their anger controls them more than they control their anger, and they want that to change. These people take the anger management test below and answer, true.
Here's a post I wrote on our social media pages a while back. It's a humorous admissions quiz to determine if you need anger management classes.
Can you relate to this statement about people pissing you off? If so, this could be a sign that getting some anger management help would be a good thing for you.
Anger can be a very strong and overwhelming emotion, but it’s also a normal feeling we all experience. As it turns out, it’s pretty common to need help controlling it because anger can trigger a rush of adrenaline that can take over your brain, temporarily pushing any logical thought aside.
The important question about anger is not whether we feel it or not, because we all do, but rather how out of your control it becomes when we feel it.
One of the things this test for anger management reveals is the false belief that the solution to effectively controlling anger lies outside of us. In other words, if my wife, or supervisor, or kids would just stop doing x, y, or z I wouldn't be angry.
Unfortunately, we cannot change other people, so there must be another answer for how to control anger. Good news - there is.
Managing anger is something that comes from within you. In anger management classes we learn more about that and techniques for how to change ourselves, the only thing we really can control, rather than other people.
Focusing on the idea that other people piss us off is a common problem for those of us with anger problems.
Many men are like a guy I'm treating right now, Wes, who says the only person who makes him angry is his wife. He says nobody can push his buttons like her and when they fight, they have some real "doozies."
Another guy I'm working with, Juan, says it's his 3 kids that are always pissing him off (and, of course, his wife can do it too).
These men are looking outside of themselves and blaming others for their anger issues. Sound familiar?
So, with all of that in mind, go ahead – take this very simple test and see how you fare.
Here's my simple Anger Management Test:
True or False? - I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
Are you like Wes and Juan, and believe you just need (certain) people to stop making you angry? If you agree with this anger management test question, then learning how to manage anger would really benefit you.
If you disagree, then before you dismiss this whole thing ask someone else what they think. Since denial is another common problem for those with anger issues, give this anger test to a couple of people who really know you and tell them you want them to be completely honest with you.
The purpose of this anger management test is to discover the truth about ourselves, not to prove we don't need anger management. Remember, there's nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is only a problem when we let it control us rather than us controlling it, or when we deny we even have a problem with anger.
If you found this article helpful, you can get notified each time there's a new article by signing-up at the bottom of this page, or follow me on Facebook or Twitter where I post relationship and self-improvement tips just like this.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published October 15, 2014 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Are you Married To An Angry Man? Find out from one wife’s real-life experience what it's like being Married To An Angry Man. See if Angry Men can change.
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Well I guess I need anger management in a big way. That's why my marriage didn't work out, just don't know how to get the help I need I need someone like you Kurt you seem to get it right on how to help people. Thank you for all of your posts they are really good and inspiring thanks again
Daniel, You're welcome and glad they helped. If you want to work together, go to the Services link in the header above. -Kurt
My Husband angers me with a lot of things
I married a angry person. I walk on eggshells around him all the time. I never know when to approach him. He tells me to tell him things but I don't know when is safe. When I say something while he is on his computer or watching tv sometimes while he is doing nothing he abruptly stops what he is doing very dramatically, like the remote control he lifts clicks pause and turns his head with a look on his face like "why are you talking to me? This had better be important" of course it never is important enough. Then he rolls his eyes and scoffs and goes back to what he was doing. The whole motion makes me feel little, unimportant, scared..I get cold and sweats and the fear hits, my heart races the rest of the day. He drinks everyday of the week as soon as he is off work. He isn't that bad anymore but because he keeps that anger in I never know when he will snap. Last time he snapped he took the 60" tv and yanked it down, stomped on it, broke the lamp put a huge gouge in our hardwood floors "a permanent reminder of that day". Now I have a 16 yr old boy who is introverted, plays xbox games and yells, screams and swears at it. Talks to it like it had everything to do with his frustration and that it's stupid all its fault. This has caused our dog such anxiety that she paces and tries to find a place to hide. If we let her out in our fenced back yard during it she will find a way out and leave the property. He hardly talks about anything. He comes off rude to other people/ adults he knows like teachers and gym coaches. He plays around with me by blocking my passing by him or play hitting me. This all worries me that he won't have the proper skills to get along with other adults both in relationships and the work place later in life and that he will follow in his dads footsteps. Any advice?
Momuv3, Get some professional counseling help. You, your son and dog live in a toxic, abusive environment and it's damaging everyone. -Dr. Kurt
My husband says I'm the only one who makes him angry. In a span of just 3 months he got a girlfriend and rented an apartment. How do I make him see his anger will follow him into the next relationship. He never dealt with a traumatic childhood.
I hear alot from men who have anger management issues, but I myself have just realized my anger controls me, not the other way around. It has escalated and become an almost daily routine of raging at my husband, at the expense of my adult children, and dogs that live in the house. I know why my anger is more frequent and severe lately though, as my husband has had emotional affairs over the years with other women and then minimized, justified, and blamed me for his behavior. The pain of all that has been excruciating for me, and I know I use anger to push away the suffering. The big thing however, is I am seeking help, and so is my husband. I have hope that because we have both realized the impact of our actions on each other, and are now taking the steps to individualy address these weaknesses in ourselves, we will have a stronger marriage than ever in the end.