Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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If you’ve had any experience with your boyfriend watching porn you probably know that getting him to stop isn’t easy.
For most girlfriends it seems like this should be easy. After all, if he told you you’re doing something that hurts him, you’d stop – right?
Girlfriends say to me all the time, “I don’t understand why he won’t just STOP IT.”
I tell them it’s just not that easy.
In those moments when you catch him and he’s embarrassed and says he won’t do it again, he probably does mean it. The reality is that takes a lot more than good intentions and will power for most guys to stop looking at porn.
Below are 2 BIG mistakes girlfriends make when trying to get their boyfriends to stop watching porn.
“Why doesn’t he get how much his watching porn hurts me?”
It’s not so much that he doesn’t see that you’re hurting, it’s that –
I had a conversation with my boyfriend about his looking at porn. I wasn’t angry. I just explained to him how it makes me feel disrespected and unappreciated. Also, how it hurts me that he can’t wait for me to come home. We have sex every day, most of the time more than once, unless he is too tired or drank too much. And I explained how I understand that it’s hard not to look when that’s what he did for years before me. I know it would bother him if I was imagining being with other guys, so I don’t get why it’s so difficult to understand where I’m coming from?” -Tanya
When he’s tempted to look, the high that comes from watching porn is just more powerful than the thought of hurting your feelings.
His feeling good is a present need. Often, a very BIG need. While your pain is a future problem he doesn’t have to deal with until later.
So,
“I just don’t get why he can’t just say no!”
There was an anti-drug campaign in the 80s called ‘Just say No.’ And it wasn’t successful because it was too simplistic.
The majority of women aren’t as visually sexually stimulated as men. Because of this difference between women and men they just don’t get why porn is so appealing to men and hard for them to stop.
Unfortunately, porn is like cocaine – extremely powerful and addictive.
When I try to explain this truth to female partners, most shake their head in dismay.
Acknowledged or not, most partners have some level of belief that they can change the things about their partner that they don’t like.
But the reality is that you –
Your boyfriend stopping looking at porn is something he has to choose to do, not something you can force him to do.
The way to get him to change is to help him learn to see why watching porn is bad for him and your relationship. And you do this through influence, not force.
The only thing you can do to get your boyfriend to stop looking at porn is to influence him.
Your goal shouldn’t be getting him to stop. I know, that’s counterintuitive since that‘s what needs to happen and is what you want. But you shouldn’t have a goal you can’t accomplish as I’ve described above.
Instead, your goal should be to get him to admit that looking at porn causes problems for him and you. And that those problems are significant enough that he needs to learn how to stop his addictive porn watching.
But stopping a porn addiction is easier said than done. So, even when he admits he needs to change, he’ll likely need professional help in order to do it, and in particular to make it last.
You need to accept some difficult, but important truths –
Your boyfriend can stop watching porn, but he’s most likely not going to do so without coming to accept how it’s in his best interests.
Your view of porn is most likely the complete opposite of his – you don’t find it appealing, even possibly repulsive, while he does find it appealing, probably very appealing. So, bridging those opposite viewpoints is difficult. Another factor is that the high from viewing porn is so intoxicating that in weak moments it’s has a more powerful on him than anything else.
Even though masturbation to porn isn’t as exciting and pleasurable as real sex, it does offer some things that a real girlfriend can’t compete with. Porn is always available, and it’s immediately available, porn is always willing, it never says ‘no,’ porn offers endless variety, and is willing to try anything, and porn always wants him.
Got a boyfriend you want to stop watching porn? Please share what’s that been like for you below.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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I think that women are wrong to want or expect men to stop watching porn. Porn offers men the better sexual experience than a regular experience. Men need the visual stimulation, novelty and variety they get from porn. No regular woman can compete with that. They will always prefer porn to us. I simply accepted that and moved on. Women do not need to be in relationships in which their partners are getting more pleasure elsewhere.