Counseling Men Blog - Free Advice for Men

Controlling Husbands or Controlling Wives - Dangerous For Your Heart

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Is Marriage Good for Your Health?  Here are some answers from the article Is Marriage Good for Your Health? by Tara Parker-Hope published in The New York Times.  Take note of the affects of having a controlling husband or controlling wife.

• Other researchers have also studied how the "drip, drip" of negativity can erode not only a marriage itself but also a couple's physical health. A number of epidemiological studies suggest that unhappily married couples are at higher risk for heart attacks and cardiovascular disease than happily married couples.
• Smith's results suggest that there are important differences between men and women when it comes to health and the style of conflict that can jeopardize it.
• The women in his study who were at highest risk for signs of heart disease were those whose marital battles lacked any signs of warmth, not even a stray term of endearment during a hostile discussion ("Honey, you're driving me crazy!") or a minor pat on the back or squeeze of the hand, all of which can signal affection in the midst of anger.
• "Most of the literature assumes that it's how bad the arguments get that drives the effect, but it's actually the lack of affection that does it," Smith told me. "It wasn't how much nasty talk there was. It was the lack of warmth that predicted risk."
• For men, on the other hand, hostile and negative marital battles seemed to have no effect on heart risk. Men were at risk for a higher coronary calcium score, however, when their marital spats turned into battles for control. It didn't matter whether it was the husband or wife who was trying to gain control of the matter; it was merely any appearance of controlling language that put men on the path of heart disease.
• The solution, Smith noted, isn't to stop fighting. It's to fight more thoughtfully. "Difficulties in marriage seem to be nearly universal," he said. "Just try not to let fights be any nastier than they need to be."

Here are a 3 of take aways for your next fight:

1. Learn how to fight better;
2. Include some form of affection toward your wife in your disagreements;
3. Watch out for battles for control and don't use controlling language with your husband.