Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
Why would anybody ever want to join a midlife crisis forum? Unless you find some enjoyment in reading about others' pain, the only reason would be because you're in one yourself, or love someone who’s experiencing a midlife crisis.
No one expects to have a midlife crisis, which means nobody is really ever prepared for one. And although a midlife crisis doesn’t have to occur at midlife and can, in fact, occur at any stage of life, few of us have ever experienced one before. So, it isn't until it happens to you that you even want or need to learn about them.
But when you suddenly find yourself or someone you love in the midst of a midlife crisis it can feel pretty overwhelming, lonely, confusing, and scary. It's understandable that you’ll want to connect with others who are going through the same thing. And a midlife crisis forum is the perfect place to do just that.
As most of us already know, an internet forum is a place where people share ideas, their experiences, and offer each other help. The midlife crisis forum at Guy Stuff Counseling is a little different, however, in that it offers much more.
Our forum conversations use the blog articles from our website to guide us through discussions around the challenges of dealing with and understanding a midlife crisis. We address the issues facing both the men and women who are suffering from a midlife crisis and the difficulties of those who find themselves having to cope with the consequences of them.
The real-life stories I share offer a glimpse behind the closed doors of other people's lives. Although everyone’s experience is unique, there are commonalities that are present in every story – pain, erratic behavior, disruptive and destructive consequences are a just a few. By reading these stories I hope you'll feel like so many other readers have and realize you’re not alone in your struggle.
Within our forum you’ll to hear from a professional therapist who provides treatment for men and their partners experiencing midlife crisis. Through the articles and comments, you'll get expert advice on how to handle midlife crises. I'll share counseling secrets and insight into how both men and women think about midlife crisis to help you better understand the intricacies of what you or your loved one are going through. As you read the articles and the questions they address you'll become more clear on what’s happening, and the pain and confusion will actually start to make some sense.
Donna, one of our participants, had this to say,
As Kurt said, take time to read through all the midlife crisis articles on here if you have not done so already. They have been helpful and calmed me down a bit. Be strong and know that you are not alone." -Donna
If you’re tired of feeling confused and possibly depressed, this is a good place to begin healthy change. We strive to focus on how to take the positive and healthy steps necessary for you to find your happiness again.
Unfortunately, many midlife crisis forums just become a place to gripe. While venting can often be healthy, too much of it just keeps everyone stuck in the problem. What really makes this forum different is that it's structured around blog articles, so it combines expert advice along with connection to others who are in the same place you are. You can ask other commenters questions and engage with other readers. Connecting with others who understand can make this crisis a little less scary.
According to Susan,
This site has helped a lot of us, hope it helps you. I'll be praying for you, stay strong. Read the other stories and the advice Kurt has given us. Here for you when you need support. Be strong!" -Susan
Participating is easy. Just follow the steps below.
Here's how to use our midlife crisis forum:
We welcome everyone, both men and women, to join the conversation. You can remain anonymous and share as much or as little as you want about your personal experience. This midlife crisis forum is really about learning and understanding what you’re experiencing and finding a way to heal. We help each other get better and take comfort in shared experiences. I hope you'll join the conversation and discover how helpful it can be.
In the bullet points below are a couple of popular articles where you can get started.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published February 25, 2016 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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Is my wife having a MLC or am I deluding myself?
We've been married 11 years. We've had problems off and on for most of our marriage. Not continuous days of fights or the like, but a blow up (from her) here or there. She's assaulted me during a few of those. Additionally we've had months off and on where it was like we were just roommates.
My wife has a ton of childhood trauma from abusive and negligent parents and I am ashamed to say that I blamed her trauma for all of our problems and I denied or ignored my own because it wasn't the big scary kind. Looking back now I see that how absent my dad was and when he was here how critical he was of everything had caused me to never go do anything for myself. I thought being home all the time made me a good dad and husband. However I was not good at letting minor frustrations with her go. I never intentionally did things to make her feel like another child I had to take care or a problem, but I see now that I didn't treat her with unconditional love and trust all the time. I was never a bad husband, but I wasn't as good to her as I could have or should have been. I could have been a lot more gracious about a lot of things with her. Never doing anything for myself had caused me to be riddled with anxiety and jealousy that she had lots of friends and always wanted to go do things with them.
December 2022 we got into an argument that turned into a blow up. She assaulted me pretty viciously but it didn't really do any damage. She ended up getting into my gun safe saying she wanted to kill herself. I restrained her and calmed her down. She said she was done with the marriage and wanted out. That I made her like this and getting away from me was the only way for her to be happy. I begged her to go back to marriage counseling and for us to really try for 6 months and if nothing got better we could separate.
The next 6 months I thought things were getting better. Especially the last 2 of those 6. She was so loving and her sex drive had kicked in after years of needing to be coaxed into any sort of physical intimacy.
Unfortunately I still wasn't facing my trauma and was still doing many of the things I had done before. I also hadn't done anything to decrease the distance between us as I would often watch TV on my own at night on our patio knowing she wouldn't want to me out there. I disassociated with alcohol.
Additionally we had made friends with another couple a year earlier and now I believe they groomed and manipulated us. Towards the end there they were over at our house/pool every weekend. Lots of alcohol and partying.
Mother's day evening that other couple came over to our house. There was lots of alcohol involved and some how we ended up partner swapping.
Next morning my wife and I only had a brief time to talk about it, but the overall was that we both thought it was fun. We weren't mad at each other and we wanted to talk more when she returned from her business trip she had to fly out for.
All that week she was gone she was texting/calling me telling me how much she missed and loved me.
While all this was happening she was facing some serious down turns on her professional life. Some of this was a result of all the partying.
During all this time I thought we had reconnected on a deeper/better level. We were doing a lot more together. We had planned to have matching bathing suits for different summer parties we were going to. Go on couples trips together, etc.
A few days before father's day (and my birthday) I found out she was having an affair with an out of state coworker. IT started the last night of her work trip when she slept with him. Then continued via instagram DMs as an emotional affair. Lots of naked pictures and videos exchanged between them. Lots of "I love you so much".
She told me she hadn't loved me in years because I made her feel like a problem and wanted a divorce.
I begged her for another chance, that I realized now all the s**t I had been doing. We got in to see our marriage counselor 2 weeks later and wife still said she wanted a divorce but was willing to keep seeing the therapist to talk things out.
We found out that other couple was manipulating us, telling us both that after the divorce they would only be friends with the one of us they were talking to.
2+ months later and she's been carrying on with her AP via Insta. They've been together physically for a week on another work trip.
She's bought him gifts of clothing that are clothes that I started wearing (on my own) a few weeks before I found out about the affair. It's like she wants the guy to look like me.
He's married and has 4 kids. According to my wife he has an open relationship with his wife because she's a lesbian or asexual, but they can't get divorced. So there's no real future for her with her AP.
A few weeks ago our therapist asked about a trial separation. We both agreed it's probably a good step.
Last week I got overwhelmed seeing her talking to him and sending him pictures of our kids so I told her an affair isn't healthy for anyone. The kids are starting to ask questions why she's never around (she goes out with friends way more now). I asked her to stop the affair. She refused. I then asked her to move out ASAP. She agreed and has put in an application for a retnal house in the area.
Last marriage counseling session we told the therapist about my wife moving soon and my wife said "I'm not in a rush to divorce, but I don't know if when I get out there on my own it would change how I feel about my husband"
I told our therapist and wife that I realized this probably was not a trial separation and that it would most likely be permanent. That I looked into it and that she needs residency for 6 months before we can file for divorce and that if nothing has changed by then, which I don't think it will, that I wanted to finalize things as quickly as possible so I could move on.
I just can't believe what she's turned into. She was so sexually limited for years and now she's buying multiple vibrators (we had used 1 for a while before all the stuff went down), lube, etc. She goes to our bathroom all the time and I'm pretty sure she's either DMing the guy or masturbating.
she's tried to get me to have sex with her a few times over the last few months. We went to see a concert she won tickets for 2 weeks ago and after the concert went out with some people we made friends with in our row. When we got back to the hotel she asked if I wanted to have sex and if I would be ok with it not meaning anything the next day. I gave in because I haven't had sex in over 2 months and I have needs. It didn't bother me the next day and the whole trip we had a great time together. When we got home we had a great day with the kids. Then the next day she was back to being distant from me and the kids.
It's been me alone with the kids almost every weekend since July. BOth of them (10 and 7) are telling me they're sad because mom isn't around as much and she's "always with her friends". I tried telling this to my wife because while she always liked to go out with friends, she always made time to be with the kids. She told me I was using the kids against her.
I'm so confused and lost. I've read so much on MLC and affairs. How they're like drugs and she's definitely a person with an addictive personality (she started vaping during all this and tried to quit, but can't. She had previous quit cigarettes cold turkey before we had kids). Everything I've read about MLC and affairs is that the only thing you can do is either leave or wait it out patietnly. I told myself I was going to wait it out because I still love her, I don't want to put my kids through a divorce and not being with them all the time. I started focusing on fixing the things wrong with me, building a social circle, exercising and getting into much better shape. Trying to go out with friends a few times a week or train at the gym. We both work from home so I've tried to work from places other than our house.
I don't know what to do. I cry so many times every day alone in our water closet (only place where kids or she won't hear me). Am I grasping for straws with this being a MLC or has she always been this way and I just didn't see it? She's framing this as some sort of "How Stella got her groove back" where she's getting away from a man that never did good for her and her new life is going to be so much better.
I don't understand why this is happening. She's still very attracted to me, we have a great time when we're together and I don't bring up the affair/our problems. We've built such an amazing life together. I know if she would give it a chance that we could be happy together and things would be so much better than they have been for the last 11 years now that I fully understand my trauma and my parts in all this.
I just want to forgive each other, heal, and build a new and better relationship together and keep our family whole.
J, It could be MLC or something else ultimately driving her behavior. It doesn't really matter what you call it. Just focus on the problem behaviors. There's more you can do in response to MLC than "leave or wait it out." There are methods you can use to influence her too. -Dr. Kurt