Every man has a choice to change his life...sometimes he needs a change to stay alive. I sold everything and moved to Shenzhen China and wish I would have done it years before. I love life

A little over a week ago, my husband said to me that he didn't think his heart was in our marriage anymore. He's 47, and last year was a very bad year for us. We were supposed to move to Dallas, and that job fell through, twice. He started working out more, and got really down. I never thought it was more than a little down from the fallen job. I was blindsided when he told me this, and that he's been struggling with these feelings for about 5 months! Never mentioned word one to me. Needless to say, I'm a wreck. I'm on meds for depression, my world has been rocked. We are seeking counseling and start today. Has anyone else experienced this, and what was the outcome?

Sarich, This has happened to other women too. I hear about it pretty regularly. I hope your husband followed through with getting counseling and is sorting through his feelings and why he has them. -Kurt

Hi- I think my husband may also be going through a midlife, or quarterlife crisis. He is almost 31. I am 32. We have been together for 6 years, lived together for 5 years and married for 1.5. We always had a great relationship. We have similar personalities, interests, friends, our families get along, we support each other in all endeavors, both have good jobs, active social lives, etc. After we got engaged 3 years ago, we bought a house. Then we planned and had our wedding. Everything had been going well, but we had our typical couple fights: cleaning, financials, nothing out of the ordinary. In August we found out his estranged father had passed away. I don't think they had spoken in 12 or so years. I tried to talk to him about it but he never wanted to and he didn't seem all that upset. Then in September I noticed him pulling away. He hangs out with his friends a lot, and I am usually fine with that, but it started making me upset because I wasn't being included in any of the outings anymore. In October we went to a destination wedding with friends and had a really tough time. I again felt as though he wasn't including me as he'd go off with the guys to play golf, etc. The rest of the girls were in the wedding party and I was not, so I didn't attend all the spa type events with them. I was just kind of left at the hotel. Then his company moved from the city to the suburbs. We also live in the suburbs. This was not a move he was happy about. He enjoyed going to bars, restaurants, games etc. after work. He talked about looking for new jobs, but never really made a move. Flash forward to the holidays- all seemed fine, with the exception of again the typical couple fights. Then right around New Years of this year he started being very cold to me. Would barely speak to me when he got home from work, which of course turned me into a needy wife, further pushing him away. There was a palpable feeling of tension when we were both home but I had no idea why. I asked him to go to counseling and we went to one marriage counseling session and they referred him on to his own counselor, I assume because he had just emotionally detached with no reason, and to deal with the issues with his father. Well his counseling didn't seem to help. He told me at the counseling they only talk about how bad our marriage is, and how much he hates work. He has said things like "He never loved me", "He has never found me attractive", etc. My looks/weight have not changed much in the years we have been together. I think most men would find me to be attractive, and I obviously know at one time he did and that he did love me as well. I also know he looks at porn a lot and wonder if that could be part of the issue too. He has also said things like he never wanted to buy our house, or get married (I in no way forced or gave him an ultimatum in either case...he DID want these things), that we have nothing in common, don't I think it is weird we haven't had kids yet (again, we have only been married for 1.5 years during which we have traveled a lot- I just assumed we hadn't had kids because we were still enjoying our couple time). I am so confused and lost. I love him, but not this new him. Both of our families are very confused, and the friends I have told are too. As I said, we had a very good relationship. Now he says things like "relationships shouldn't take work, they should just come naturally" which is so ridiculous. His parents had a bad marriage so I wonder if that is part of the problem but I am also wondering if it could be a midlife crisis. He has gotten very into working out, goes out all the time with his friends, has mentioned all these new hobbies he wants to have (which I read elsewhere is a sign of a midlife crisis). I kicked him out of our house 2 weeks ago and he is living with his mom. We barely speak but he comes and stays at our house in a different bedroom 2 nights a week. I feel so hurt and angry that he can treat me like I am dispensable and make me feel like I wasted the last 6 years of my life. He has agreed to go to marriage counseling, even though as he said he doesn't think it will work. He also plans to quit his solo counseling. As I said, I want to make this work but with my OLD husband, not this new guy.

Maggie, I'm very sorry to hear of your struggles. Your husband is a little young to be having a typical midlife crisis, but he is showing many of the symptoms. It seems like it could be more of an identity crisis, but I wouldn't get caught up in the label for it. Obviously, theres problems that need to get fixed. Be sure to go to counseling yourself if he won't go. You really could use some help. BTW, relationships do take work, even mine does. -Kurt

I love my midlife. I'm 46. Strong career, wife, kids, girlfriend that is 32, new car, in shape, working out, learning about hair dye, you name it... life is an adventure and it is fun now. LOL

at Joe: you love moving to china because of the women.. lnot because u finally found 'yourself'.