You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
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Contents
When we fall in love it's mainly our heart that we follow, not our brain. Our heart, fueled by the excitement of someone new, along with a heavy dose of hormones, allows us to focus on the best and most alluring aspects of this person and makes it hard to see anything else.
For some of us this flawed strategy on how to fall in love works out, and for others it doesn't.
Fast forward a few years. Once we’ve been married awhile, most of us discover that we didn't marry the person we thought we married (i.e. Prince Charming isn't always so charming).
Over time our partner's imperfections and flaws become more evident (or we finally acknowledge them) and our brain starts to take over. The brain effectively rips off the rose-colored glasses the heart handed to us and brings that ‘in-love’ feeling into question (Check out "I'm Out of Love" for more on that situation).
So, what do you do now? Is it possible to fall in love with your husband all over again? The short answer is yes, and possibly in a stronger, more long-lasting way than you might think.
Falling in love with your husband all over again when your brain says 'not so fast' isn't easy though. The following social media post will begin to show how.
The secret to a successful relationship is using both our heart and brain -- not one or the other, both.
Truly, this goes for when we're first falling in love, when we're in a relationship together, and when we need to fall back in love. And it’s where to start when trying to figure out how to fall in love with your husband again.
That’s a hard balance to strike, however. Just like at the beginning when your heart wanted to do all the work, once a relationship has some time on it the brain decides to do all the heavy lifting. When you approach your relationship without the right balance between heart and head it’s very hard to find satisfaction and happiness.
Many wives struggle with falling back in love with their husband because they're using too much of their brains. They’ve allowed things to get off-balance and are doing what they did at the beginning of the relationship, just in reverse.
At the beginning they used too much of their heart and not enough of their brain, and now they're using too much of their brain and not enough of their heart.
In order to fall in love with your husband over again, especially after kids, life problems, and likely seeing him at his worst, it requires exercising more heart, like compassion, understanding, and love, while simultaneously using less brain, like memories, fears, and self-protection.
And it also requires an open-mind along with a willing heart.
Note that I did not say using no brain. I just said less brain. So many partners can't muster any love for their partner because they're allowing their brains to block it. And some of the reasons for this are listed in the previous paragraph.
So, what can you do to start to “bring back that lovin’ feeling”?
Here are a couple of tips on how to begin to fall in love with your husband all over again:
Obviously, if your husband hasn't changed the things that caused you to fall out of love with him it's going to be really tough to fall in love again, especially when it seems like he doesn't love you back. But if he's making an effort to change himself, you can help the falling in love again process by using your heart more than your brain and discover other ways to fall in love with your spouse again.
It isn’t easy to fall in love with your husband all over again, unlike falling in love the first time. Our brains are very powerful, but so are our hearts. When you use both properly you can rekindle the love and keep it burning.
And a relationship that engages both heart and head is the strongest kind. So, if you are wishing you still felt “in-love” and wondering how to get those feelings back, do yourself, your husband, and your relationship a favor and make your heart and head work together better.
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Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 12, 2014 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
You have this nagging feeling that your husband is no longer in love with you. Learn what to do next
Many husbands (and wives) are not "in love" with their partners any longer.
Is your spouse Emotionally Detached from you and your marriage? Check out these 7 Signs of Emotional Detachment and see where your relationship stands.
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girlfriend of 4 years just told me she loves me and cares about me but isn't in love with me anymore. She's 26 im 30 and I thought she was the one. We have had a perfect relationship never argue or fight and get a long really well. She said we dont communicate as much as she would like and dont talk that much either. She has decided to just breakup instead of working on it and trying to "fall back in love". i feel this is cowardly and childish to just run away. i really want to get her back and i dont know what to do or say to her. Do i just let her figure it out on her own, do i ask her if we can try the long distance thing and act as if were dating still talk everyday and see each other a few times a month, do i just say well then fine dont ever call me again? Im lost on ideas please help me figure this out and the best way for me to help her regain her being in love with me again. I also think it stems from her not having a real job and not knowing if she will ever find a job that makes her happy. please help thank you all!
What do I do I love my wife with everything I have we have two children together and she told me she loves me but is no longer in love with me. She then said she will not be hugging kissing or making love to me any more.
It makes her uncomfortable. What should I do I love my wife with all I have and can't see my family torn apart.
Charles, Have you suggested going to marriage counseling together? If she won't go with you, go on your own. In my experience, once one partner goes, the other wants a chance to be heard as well. -Kurt
My husband doesn't want to kiss me or snuggle with me anymore; we've been married 11 years and have no children. I have had many surgeries for health reasons. How should I react with him; he will not communicate with me about Why he has pushed me away, and he doesn't ever want to hold me or kiss or have sex. We don't even change our clothes in same room!!
Maurie, If you can't talk to each other about what's really going on then find a professional counselor you can speak with to bridge the gap. -Dr. Kurt
Me and my husband been married for only 1 year and I know I love him but he doesn’t show love or affection to me and I tell him about it but nothing changed what do you think I should do because I get tired of saying the same thing over and over and see no change.
I have been married for one year and I love my husband but he has no feelings towards me
He is suggesting me to separate instead of burning in a relationship
I don't know what to do i don't want to separate cuz i love him
What suggestions will you give for us