Is there No Intimacy In Your Marriage? Find out what you can do about Lack of Marriage Intimacy.
Part 3 of 3
We’ve been examining the marriage between Carrie and her husband, Al. They've experienced a number of problems as a couple and Carrie has been struggling with how to keep their marriage together. As the connection between them has broken down, Carrie has questioned Al’s love for her and suspected he could be depressed. Now Carrie’s wondering if it’s even possible to save her marriage when she can’t get her husband to change.
Carrie doesn’t know what to do about her marriage. Things aren’t good between them and something needs to change. She’s been concerned about the following regarding Al for quite a while.
She feels like all of these things are true, but isn’t certain where to start in helping him and fixing things between them. She’s already tried a number of things.
Unfortunately, Al has been stubborn and hasn’t responded to many -- if any -- of her suggestions.
For Al, like most men, it feels like Carrie has become a nagging wife, always riding him and telling him what he’s doing wrong. He's told her a number of times, "don't pressure me." Carrie's got some good ideas about what's going on, but after years of her telling him things he doesn't want to hear, all Al hears anymore is "blah, blah, blah."
Al is having a hard time seeing what his behavior is doing to their relationship. From his standpoint Carrie’s just never satisfied. She always seems disapproving and unhappy with him. This makes it really hard for him to want to work with her to make things better.
Al's mood is unpredictable and he has a lot of anger. Carrie says it seems like he's always either grumpy or angry. So she does everything she can to keep the peace in the house as she and the kids walk around on eggshells.
Her direct approach -- tell him what she thinks and what he should do -- hasn't worked. And her avoidant approach -- keep from making him more upset -- hasn't worked either.
So she keeps asking herself, "How do I save my marriage?" What does she do when she can't get her husband to change?
Change her strategies. She needs to start being direct about the things she's been avoidant and avoidant about the things she's been direct. For example:
Carrie and I have worked on a plan in our counseling sessions on how she could do this. Then, when she started to practice these new strategies, she started to see some results. Al responded in a more positive manner and their communication is improving.
Carrie’s marriage isn't fixed by a long shot, but Al has gone to the doctor and he'sexploring counseling. That's progress and any progress is a positive thing. A funny thing about progress is that is a powerful motivator too. When you see something working it makes you feel hopeful and you want to do more of it.
It's just a start, and obviously there's a lot more to do. But it's some change in her husband that Carrie thought would never be possible.
If you can relate to either Carrie or Al, think about how you could change-up some of the strategies you're using as well.
A final take away -- you'll notice that Carrie came to marriage counseling by herself. You can do this too. If your partner isn't willing to go to marriage counseling, go without them. Starting to make positive changes in a marriage doesn't require the participation of both partners at the onset.
This is the third and final post examining a marriage in which a wife feels her husband doesn't love her anymore and she seeks the expertise of a marriage counselor for help in finding out what she can do. To read the first two posts, see the Related Articles below. Sign-up for this blog at the bottom of this page and you'll get advice that you can put to work to make your relationship better.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published March 04, 2010. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Is there No Intimacy In Your Marriage? Find out what you can do about Lack of Marriage Intimacy.
Money conversations have a way of going sideways fast, especially in a relationship, learn how to navigate it here.
It starts with something small – a late bill, an argument over groceries, a home repair, even kids’ school supplies.
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
I wish I could make HIM want to save our relationship, not the other way around. He says he does, but has made any motion to change the things that have been bothering me. I believe I am worth more than that, and being alone is going to be tough but I think I will prevail and come out stronger and better off (once I am able to pay off the mountains of debt I will be left on to face alone)
I remembered I used profanity in that last post. I apologize I was so triggered by these heart breaking comments that I cried because I thought something was wrong with me ! And that I was just this waste of a person that had no business trying to be a mother and wife. I sincerely apologize for the f bomb I dropped
I married young what can I say? We have a five year old together. Only six years in honestly ? I’m at a point where I’m just waiting for him to tell me to leave. I don’t have the heart I love him or maybe ....the love
Of no Change? I don’t know. But if he said I want a divorce the way he makes me feel about myself? I’d just silently pack and go. I’m not fighting this. I’ve tried so hard to fix this and I just confirm my fears. I’ve sacrificed too much. I will not go through another six years of my time, love and devotion. I bring up the issues but everything is my fault and he’s flawless and perfect and never asked for this life. He asked me to marry him, then treats me well all of maybe six months. Is a monster throughput the whole pregnancy except around other people . Know where he was while I was crying and in labor for the first time? In my living room (at 18 yrs old) he was in the bedroom sleep. My laboring was bothering him....yeah and I stayed another five years stupid as f#$k right? Yeah now that I’m 25 years old I’m regretting lot....I’m just like ....
Thank you for i am also having a problem desame w carrie bug i do not know if i can hold any longer because my husband divert his attention to other pattg.and this is my fear bdcause my hhsband tolx me that he does not love me anymore.pleade help me .to enlighten with this traumatic situation.