Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
"Addicted to porn? No way!" Jason told his wife. Even though porn has been a regular part of his life for as long as he can remember, Jason never considered himself addicted to porn. He just never saw it as a problem.
The truth is most men who are addicted to porn are like Jason and don't see it as a problem. As a result, they don’t realize that they have an addiction either.
Jason wondered how could porn be a problem when every guy he knows looks at porn? But now that he’s married, it’s become a big, big problem because it's causing issues in his marriage. Before he was married it didn’t seem like a big deal, but his wife has a different view. With the help of Guy Stuff he now sees the affect his porn habit is having on his wife and marriage, and that he really is addicted to porn.
Jason was in the Army for 8 years, much of it overseas, and has been out for a little more than 2 years. He says in the Army everyone looks at porn. A lot of wives and girlfriends would even email homemade porn of themselves to their soldiers.
Because viewing porn was so common and readily available it didn’t seem like there was anything wrong with it. And no one was getting hurt, right? After all, he was thousands of miles away from his wife without any outlet for sexual release. Watching porn was just the accepted thing to do to compensate and pass the time.
Jason’s interest in porn, however, went from a pastime to a habit to a full-fledged addiction without his even realizing it. After returning to the states, and even after getting married to a woman he loves, porn remained a regular part of his life. And just like in the Army he considered it normal.
For Sheri, Jason’s wife of 16 months, porn didn’t seem normal or okay. She says it makes her really, really upset. It makes her feel insecure too. She even has nightmares about Jason being with other women because of the porn. Ironically, Sheri’s a former model. (Learn What Women Think About Porn)
Despite having a very attractive wife, Jason continued to view porn. Being addicted to porn has caused a huge trust problem between he and Sheri. He’s told her repeatedly that he would stop looking and hasn’t. As a result, she’s suspicious and distrusting of almost everything he tells her.
And Jason’s porn viewing has put a strain on their intimate life as well. Sheri feels like she's constantly being compared to the women Jason sees in the videos he watches. He’s never told her that, but knowing that he gets aroused watching them and hasn’t given up his habit just reinforces her suspicions. In Sheri’s view it’s like having other people a part of their marriage and that feels like cheating.
The stress and strain from the conflict in his marriage finally got to be too much for Jason and it brought him to Guy Stuff to find some solutions. He wanted to have a healthy and happy relationship with Sheri, and most of all to save his marriage. Jason could see that watching porn was causing more and more disconnect between them. Sheri was increasingly saying she couldn't do this anymore and he was worried she was finally going to separate and then it would be too late.
He finally decided he didn't want to watch porn anymore, and realized the fact that he hadn’t been able to stop on his own probably meant he really was addicted to porn. Sure Jason still liked porn and wished he could watch it, but knew he had to choose between porn or his marriage. And he wanted to choose Sheri.
Jason just needed help on how to follow through on his decision to fix his marriage. He wanted to learn more about how to use a porn safety plan he’d read about on our website and he wanted to rebuild trust with Sheri. So that's what we've worked on, in addition to helping him learn how porn is much more complicated than just getting a sexual release.
Jason’s made huge progress in stopping his porn addiction. With Guy Stuff’s help he hasn’t viewed porn in months. He has a safety plan in place that Sheri’s a partner in. With his taking these steps she’s starting to trust him a little more each day. Their marriage is getting stronger too. Being addicted to porn doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship - it can also mean the beginning of a new chapter.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published July 19, 2012. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
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Kassie, This sounds like there is probably more going on here. He may not be able to hear this message from you. Sometimes our partner is the last one we'll hear things from. Get the help of a professional counselor to help get the message through. -Kurt
My husband is not interested in a counselor simply put I find myself in a relationship with a hyper sensitive case of narsasisim.( forgive my misspelling of the word)
He used my misconduct in the past to avoid dealing with the situation at hand.
get out. Escape if you havnt already. There's no cure for narcissism. And you'll never get a real apology, him to be accountable, or be caring considerate and comforting. You will never get answers only more mazes and gaslighting. You will never get closure except that that you make. Be very careful. Your not safe in many ways. He will Hoover you. Learn about this. It's essential. I hope you can get free of your narcissist.
My heart goes out to each of you girls and women. God put us on this earth to be loved and cherished. Porn destroys us humiliates us and violates us.
I have been with my husband for two years and I told him early on that porn was a deal breaker, three previous relationships I was lied to and cheated on. He said, he didn’t need it or want it because he had me. We married last November and I have found porn on his computer twice and the second time we were apart for his job for ten weeks. I love him and I told him I want to work on our relationship but he doesn’t think he has a problem. How can you work on a relationship when they (the man) doesn’t think he has a problem. I am an attractive woman, and sexually open for most anything, he watches anal, group sex and lesbian sex with Asians. I am Spanish and Italian. When I found the porn, he says it doesn’t change the way I feel about you – what I told him – you just don’t get it this changes the way I feel about you disgusted and repulsed. One article I read porn is cheating, he is looking at other women who in turn sexually arouse him which gives him an endorphin rush and an oxytocin high – how can a real woman compete with that…I told him I want him to want to stop because if he doesn’t we will no longer be together because it is destroying the very foundation our relationship is built on – once that foundation is gone there will be nothing left but his computer porn.
LB, You hit on 2 big points about porn -- 1) Most guys don't think it's a problem, but they're wrong. 2) It gives a chemical high just like taking drugs. Setting a firm boundary with him on it having to stop or the relationship will is the first step. Get some professional help (from someone who knows porn -- most counselors do not) on what to do next. -Kurt
So I found porn on my boyfriends phone last night, this is the 3rd time I have caught him. When he does this, it makes me feel worthless and upset. Hes a christian as well, we have a beautiful son, brought a new house and everything, but when I confronted him about it, he denied everything, saying he didn't know how it got on his phone. Our sex life has been pretty boring, as hes not really interested in having sex with me much. HELP please !!
Ake, Repeated watching porn, being a Christian and watching, lying about it, and a lousy sex life are all signs of porn addiction. Read through the other articles on this blog under the tag Porn Addiction for help, then talk to a professional like me if you need more assistance. -Kurt