Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Contents
Is porn cheating? Or is it an acceptable choice?
Men watching porn (and increasingly women too) has become a more regular and destigmatized activity.
But what does that mean for a relationship?
Is porn cheating, or is it a legitimate way to get sexual stimulation without actually cheating?
But before that question can be answered, there are a few other questions that need to be asked and answered first.
The truth is that for most people porn is almost always watched alone and secretly. So, the next question is,
There are two primary viewpoints when it comes to whether porn is cheating.
Who’s right?
Before you answer that, let’s look more closely at what porn can do to you and your relationship.
Porn seems harmless enough, right?
No one is really getting hurt. People want to make it, and you want to watch it. No big deal.
Wrong – it can actually be a very big deal.
Whether you recognize it or not, looking at porn has an extremely negative effect on you and your relationship. Unfortunately, it’s often hard to see that effect until it’s pointed out.
Watching porn changes how we view sex and what we find stimulating. This then changes the sexual relationship with our current or (future partners).
Below are some examples of how porn can harm both those who watch and their partners.
Remember - female porn stars are paid to behave as they do on screen – they’re acting out male fantasies and not representative of most normal female behavior in bed.
Consider the effect on your partner when they realize they alone aren’t stimulating enough for you, and that you need to look at other women in order to get fully aroused, stay that way, and orgasm.
Many people struggle answering the question, "Is porn cheating?" Ultimately, each person has to decide for themselves.
But if your relationship is suffering because porn has negatively affected it, it certainly fits into the ‘that’s a problem’ category if nothing else.
“Okay, but it’s still not really cheating – is it?”
I hear this question quite a bit from couples for whom porn has become a problem.
Well-known psychologist Dr. Phil has addressed whether porn is cheating many times. Here are his thoughts from the article Is Internet Pornography Cheating? to help you in answering the question for yourself:
Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes [emphasis added]:
Ask yourself or your partner:
And most importantly,
I’m saying you need to consider all the aspects and effects of watching porn. It’s much more complicated than people want to believe.
Opinions on whether porn is cheating will vary.
But be careful not to default the easiest conclusion and accept that there's nothing wrong with looking at porn.
If you’re a partner, it’s okay to reject porn and place it in the cheating category if it makes you feel unattractive and betrayed. If this is the case, however, you’ll need to have a frank and open conversation with your partner.
If you’re the one looking at porn, perhaps the biggest determination as to whether porn in cheating is going to be how your partner feels about it.
Is your partner hurt when you watch porn? If so, it may not convince you that porn is cheating, but it should be enough for you to make an effort to stop out of love for them.
Porn is a very difficult topic to talk about, especially with your partner. Most people who watch porn naturally feel embarrassed and guilty about it. That guilt alone can make porn feel like cheating.
Many need professional assistance in changing their behavior when watching porn has become a habit that needs to stop. This process can also help you learn how to effectively talk to your partner about porn as well.
Get the guidance and understanding of an< expert in counseling men, who’s experienced in dealing with porn addictions to assist you if you believe porn is cheating and it has become a stumbling block in your relationship.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published on July 3, 2012, updated on September 11, 2018, June 1, 2022, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
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Let’s be honest, quitting porn can be tough. Learn how to handle withdrawl here.
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Around a year ago I found out my boyfriend of 5 years was using porn. He would rather have that than be with me. When I confronted him I gave him the ultimatum of it or me. I am already self conscious about my body and it just made me feel like I was literally a piece of crap. I told him this and he promised never to watch it again. Since then I now feel that I have to make a concious effort to please him enough so he won't go back. Recently I have discovered that he has been looking again and has downloaded pictures and videos to his phone and computer. I am physically being sick over this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to throw away 6years but I also don't want to be with him and feel like this. It's just as bad as cheating. What do I do?
I'm not alone!! My boyfriend of 1year 3months has watched porn several times in our relationship. Every time I caught him by searching around, I broke down hard. It destroys my self esteem. I caught him looking at naked girls in thongs on facebook, watching porn and all of that. Even liking a few pics on fb. I have told him several times, it's me or porn. "Every guy watches it" is not an excuse to watch it. I have my boundaries and I don't want him watching porn, that's all. Simple task if you want the relationship to last. Porn destroys me. I don't like him looking at females like that. It's not OK because I know he thinks their sexy and I know he's thinking sexual of them. Luckily he hasn't been on any chat apps so the porn is most likely only when I'm gone but it hurts still. You don't need it!! You can wait 7 hours until your girl gets out of work, you're not gonna die. IF YOU LOVE HER, you don't need porn. Especially if it hurts her
So you base your self-worth on your boyfriends actions? Hmmm. Ever think that it's really stupid to do that? Find something better to base your self worth on. Like perhaps your own character?
Michael, I agree that it's probably not wise to base one's self worth on another persons actions. On the other hand, I have read thousands of blogs where men's self esteem is crushed when their SO sexually rejects them even when they have a legitimate reason to do so. Sadly, our culture/society tends to blend love and sexual desire together. Ask any man in a sexless marriage how manly and good he feels about himself.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. From the beginning I told him I didn't like porn and I wouldn't like him watching it and I did not approve of it. One day I got on his phone and there it was. He had been watching porn. I was heart broken and I feel like I'm not good enough. Is my body not good enough for him that he has to turn to watch porn to watch other girls. I had asked earlier in the relationship multiple times if he has watched any and he said no. After finding this I asked how many times and he said a couple. But who knows how many a couple is. I trusted him not to do this. He said it's just a guy thing I've watched it since I was young. But I can't help but keep thinkin about this and wondering if he is still doing it. I don't know how to get over this !!!!!
Look girl, I don't know why you try to control over your boyfriend's actions, let him watch porn, it's not the end of the world, be heart broken if he get between the legs of another girl, but it's just porn, he is not cuddling/having sex/kissing any other girls, I can tell you that my relationship (two and a half years) is going great, and we both watch porn, don't be close minded, accept that there's porn, and you can't erradicate it
I've been married for 20 years now, my wife and I watch porn, yet our marriage is quite strong, so I don't think that someone can say "pornography is the next step for cheating", a girl in a webcam site ain't a porn video, is a girl showing herself, and just that, don't blame the internet if you can't take good care of your husband
this comment is for any woman scrolling through the comments. To the women that are with men that have promised to stop and haven't. I've been with my S.O. for almost a year. We're engaged and very much in love. At the start of our relationship I asked how he felt about porn and, like everyone's comment above mine, he said he didn't like it. Well a few months pass and we get pregnant, and with where our lives are, we're 17, we decided abortion was the best option. I was in a lot of pain emotionally. I was living with him and one day I asked to use his phone since mine was dead, and oh curiousity killed the cat. I went to his internet history and he has been watching it SO MUCH SINCE I MOVED IN. I was hurt. Now this was all in March. Over time up to June he had promised me he wouldn't do it again- then do it again. And this was a repepetive process. He said he had a problem and couldn't stop. Well I told him in July when he lied for bajillionth time that I was going to leave him and he LOST HIS SXXX. He said he'd change and oh of course he does it one more time. Says he didn't remember looking at it. I packed my bags and he's kissing my feet bawling telling me not to leave; and he had a lot of nerve telling me this. Over the past few months he's done really well! I stopped checking his phone as often and I no longer ask him "did you keep your promise?" everyday. That helps. And I'm sorry if I sound crazy for threatening to leave but once I made it clear that I could leave him he changed. Whenever he's horny now he'll just pull me over or wake me up and I'm fine with that. There are things we've tried in the bedroom that we've tried for the sole purpose of him wanting to do it, and most of these things we drop because I don't feel comfortable but he's okay with that. There does come days where I check his phone but I know that he's too scared to watch it; he's too afraid I'll leave. Maybe I'm insane but I told my friend this and she said the same to her BF and he's been porn-free (lol) for quite some time now! don't listen to the people that say "all guys do it" because THERE ARE GUYS THAT WILL RESPECT YOUR WANTS AND FEELINGS. Don't dare settle for a guy that keeps messing up. Lies hurt no matter how many times "I'm sorry" is said. I wish you all the best xx
So let me get this straight. You want him to never masturbate, never fantasize unless it's about you. And never have an orgasm unless you give it to him and then only in the time, place and way you choose? Does that about sum it up?
What's wrong with this picture?
a) It's very selfish
b) It's against human nature
c) It has zero chance of success
d) You are setting him up for failure
e) You are making him feel guilty for failing at something which has no chance to succeed.
f) All of the above.
not all men are stupid. My parter respects me entirely and my wants- including a no porn relationship. I'm not being selfish. I let my fiancé read your comment and neither of us can believe the stupidity. Not all men are porn addicted; not all men will fantasize about other women. Take your negative self someone else please.