Have you ever thought, My Wife Hates My Family? If so, you’re not alone. See what can cause Your Wife To Hate Your Family and what you can do about it.
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No intimacy in your marriage? Many couples who’ve been married for years will roll their eyes or give a derisive snort when asked about it.
In fact, most will say that at the end of the day they feel lucky just to have showered, exercised or gotten through the variations of bedtimes, homework, or work emergencies.
Heading to bed to enjoy the intimate connection that marriage brings now often means building a pillow wall and turning on a white noise machine to drown out snoring.
But just because there’s no intimacy in many marriages doesn’t mean you have to accept it as fact in your own.
Maybe the thought of kissing your spouse now seems foreign or like too much work.
Or you’re certain your spouse is equally as exhausted as you are, and you’re both better off sleeping rather than being intimate.
Sound familiar?
It’s not uncommon for couples to suddenly realize that somewhere along the way the intimacy in their marriage disappeared. Where it was once a struggle to keep your hands off each other, now you need a pep talk just to start thinking about being in "the mood."
If you’re nodding your head in agreement, rest assured you’re not alone. Not being alone doesn’t mean you should allow it to continue, however.
Long-term relationships go through many changes throughout the years. Intimate connection, especially the physical aspect, generally ebbs and flows like the tides.
Although this is normal, complete absence of any intimate connection isn’t healthy.
The truth is life just isn’t always sexy.
Building a life together can be trying and fraught with difficulties, all of which can suck the desire to be intimate right out of your lives.
Finding the time and motivation to reconnect when you realize the intimacy has left your marriage can become more and more difficult, even to the point where you each simply stop trying.
Common issues that drain the desire for intimacy are:
Keep in mind that it’s not just you who are affected by these issues, your spouse is as well. And they may be affected differently or by different versions of the same issue. You’re in the same boat, even if it’s on different ends.
Physical changes can also affect your attraction to your spouse and your ability to enjoy intimate life.
A person’s psychological and physical state can have an effect on things like,
These changes can be related to several things, but some of the biggest culprits are,
These issues can and should be addressed. You shouldn’t let life’s milestones or aging be your limiting factor when it comes to intimacy in marriage.
Choosing not to make changes and allowing the intimacy in your marriage to die will create a void. Voids cause disconnection between spouses that can lead to dissatisfaction with your marriage, which can make partners vulnerable to cheating.
A lack of intimacy can also be the precursor to development of larger issues.
When you allow a lack of intimacy to become the norm, you create opportunities for cracks to form.
Those cracks can turn into fissures and before long what was a lack of physical intimacy becomes a loss of emotional connection.
Spouses then often find themselves feeling more like roommates than partners.
When you can’t connect with your spouse beyond simply managing day-to-day responsibilities, you start to lose the part of your relationship that brought you together in the first place.
Before long you’ll,
Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure. And intimacy isn’t just sex.
Dr. Kurt counsels couples on intimacy issues frequently. He says,
I regularly hear partners complain that there’s no intimacy in their marriage. Men are almost always talking about sex when they say this. While women can mean this too, they're usually describing something more, like the emotional and verbal connection with their partner that's missing. Regardless of the aspect of intimacy being referred to, it's unhealthy and dangerous."
Sex and intimacy can exist independently of one another, but for the most rewarding and bonded experience they should go hand-in-hand.
Women especially have a difficult time separating the physical from the emotional. Creating an intimate experience on both levels may take extra effort, but the effort is worth it.
Again, you may be at different ends of the same boat, but finding a solution that brings you together will benefit you both.
Short answer – make an effort.
At the end of that long day, it’s easy to give in to being tired. But what happens if you don't?
You don’t have to accept that there’s no intimacy in your marriage. Try making small efforts like,
A rope needs more than one strand to be strong, but that first strand is crucial. Taking the first step can feel uncomfortable and may even come with fear of rejection. But there’s a good chance your efforts will be well received and then matched.
Lack of intimacy in a marriage may be common, but you shouldn’t allow it to become constant.
Keep the following in mind to keep your relationship strong:
Marriage isn’t always easy. Things that were effortless at the beginning will, at some point, require effort. No one provides an instruction manual on your wedding day, but know that navigating the ups and downs – like no intimacy in your marriage - takes consistent effort.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published May 24, 2017, updated August 9, 2022, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Have you ever thought, My Wife Hates My Family? If so, you’re not alone. See what can cause Your Wife To Hate Your Family and what you can do about it.
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Hi
thank you so much for informiton good artical
We had a wonderful sex life. My husband is most likely having a midlife crisis and now he only does it “for me.” I’m watching your videos about getting the love back and they are hitting the nail on the head for my circumstance. I wonder now, do I leave the sex out of our marriage to allow space and risk the gap being filled elsewhere? Or do I continue as a preventative measure? I’m not sure. Thanks in advance!
Miranda, I answer this question in the videos and explain why and how to do it. I know it feels risky, but, yes, you should stop. Be sure to tell him why you're setting that boundary. -Dr. Kurt