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Why Is Everyone Else In Love? When I'm Not

Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC
February 8, 2014

everyone-is-in-love-but-me-why-is-that.jpgWarning!! If you're already feeling lonely, you're likely to feel it even more so over the next week. With Valentine's Day less than a week away, those of us who already feel lonely will likely be asking ourselves even more, "Why is everyone else in love?"

When we're alone, or in a loveless relationship, it's really easy to only see happily in love couples all around us. It can seem like everyone else is in love except for us. A wife told me yesterday in marriage counseling that every one of her friends husbands "adore" and "love" their wives, but hers doesn't do the same to her.

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Here's an interesting post I wrote on our social media pages about comparing our relationship (and happiness) to others. This was very relevant during the holidays, it is again around Valentine's Day, but really can at all times of the year.

I-want-to-be-in-love

I-want-to-be-in-love-2

When you're wondering why is everyone else in love, here are 2 important points to remember:

  1. Be aware of when you're even more prone to struggle with thinking this way. As I noted earlier, the holidays can be such a time, when we're around family and friends can be another, and especially when we're unhappy with your own relationship status (why does everyone else deserve love?) -- When we see what others around us have, it can make feelings of loneliness and discontent seem more intense. And the disappointment and dissatisfaction in our own relationship can start to overwhelm us.
  2. Our observations of others being in love is only our perception, we don't know it's really the truth. We all can look one-way from the outside and be completely different on the inside. Many relationships look much happier and more in love than they really are --mWe need to be very careful about comparing our unhappy relationship circumstances with the ‘perceived’ joy of others. The grass is NOT always greener elsewhere.

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It's really important to remember that our wondering why is everyone else in love, especially when we're not, is almost always more about our circumstances than the truth that everyone else is really in love. Ironically, learning to manage our thoughts about what true love should look like is one of the things that can make us more attractive and help us get the love we're missing.

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