There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
Women regularly contact Guy Stuff with a message that just says -- "husband cheated on me."
Last week one of those women sat across from me in my office.
My husband cheated on me, [bleep] husband cheated on me."
Kiki said as she put her face in her hands and sobbed.
To be fair, either partner, man or woman, can and does cheat. I'm working right now with both men and women whose partners cheated on them.
Back to Kiki's story. She thought Ray sounded weird when he called her at 12:30 a.m. and said he'd be home in a little while. He told her he was dropping off a buddy, but she didn't believe him. Several months later after several other strange episodes, she had him take a lie detector test and she found out the truth -- he had "strippers" in the car with him that night (Side note -- I do not support using a lie detector test to get honesty in a relationship).
Ray also confessed that he had slept with one of them too. He blamed it on being drunk, and on Kiki's anger, and on being unhappy. It wasn't until he faced me that he fully owned his behavior and that he really had been cheating and was sexting too.
So if you're like Kiki, and many of the other women who contact Guy Stuff saying, "husband cheated on me, what should I do?" Here are a couple of suggestions to start:
These are just a couple of things to keep in mind at the beginning of finding out your husband cheated on you. There's so much more to recovering from cheating than this. You really need marriage counseling from a professional counselor to guide and support you. Kiki can testify to that, so can Christine, Melissa, Natalie . . . and all the other women who've gotten help from Guy Stuff.
"Husband cheated on me" doesn't have to be the death of your relationship. It can be, but it also can lead to a better relationship than you've ever had before. The choice is yours.
There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
Suspecting a partner of cheating can shake your world.
What should you do if your Wife Cheats On You? Check out this expert advice for what to do next.
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Where shoul di start...I've been married 24 1/2 yrs..18 out of thise years my husbands brother's lives with us. 7yrs ago i found out he cheated and i was devestated...things werent the same....i forgave him though...twice i left him and he would convince me to come back. The last time i did before coming back home i asked him to please if he really wanted to make this work to leave the woman he was with...he said yes...i believed him. I came back...and for a year and 3 months later...i found out he was still cheating on me...with 3 different women..one of these women went to mexico with his family and was my in laws maid of honor for their 50yrs anniversary..the other was 5 months pregnant with his son...the 3 one was the one he was cheating on me back in 2008...none knew of each other...i was the one that told them...i was soooo hurt. I wanted to die....I chose to stay and give it a chance...his trying hard ...i feel he loves me...but he is always thinking im cheating on him...how can he even say that after what he put me thru? Well,right now i don't want him to be intimate with me because all i see in my mind is him with those women...but i still love him. Help plz dont knw what to do anymore
Rosa, It sounds as though you have been tolerating this for a long time. Deciding whether or not to leave your husband is a decision only you can make. It would be wise if you first spoke with a professional counselor who could help you view your decision more objectively. -Kurt
Hi there
I've been married to my husband for 6 years we share 2 children. We have been struggling with communication for quite sometime now..we also been dealing him getting his immigration papers for some time...this has also brought a lot of stress in our marriage.one evening while he was sleeping my youngest son was playing on his father's phone.my son handed me the phone because he was done playing with it.something told me to look through his phone. I saw msgs with another women at first friendly like they new each other for a long time ...then I scrolled up and read my husband saying that if he sees her he might give her some **** because he's horny she laughed...with rage I ran upstairs yelled and hit him until he woke up saying. I can't believe your cheating ..he kept telling me to wait a min and was at a lost for words...long story short...they had sex about 3 times (I spoke with her) they met in august this year 2015 and I found out in October . My husband tried to lie and say she only gave him oral sex...I called the women who is older then I am same age as my husband and she told me everything...she said it was stupid of her that it was done outside in the open (car) and that he even gave her oral sex but not for long (thanks) my husband told her he was living at his brothers and that it was complicated ...I don't know why my husband did it was it sexual? Was it emotional as he kind of said or both? My husband cried uncontrolby when I confronted him at them having more then oral sex....he said he didn't want anyone but me and that she was someone to talk to ...she said it was emotional and that my husband doesn't seem like the cheating type....the women also said she hopes we don't divorce and she's so sorry as she is going through something similar my husband has always been someone who has been in the gym and this is where he met her. I also saw him msgin her in the morning saying good morning hun something i call him....it's now December and I am constantly haunted by my husband's actions...I feel really bad and don't really understand we are getting help in shortly but I don't feel like I can over come this..I feel it's over and I can't look at him the same way.. help
Michelle, Relationships can recover from an affair, but it takes a lot of work. Because the recovery is so difficult to navigate on your own, talking to a professional counselor can really be helpful, and it sounds like you are going to see one. Try to be patient and see what comes out of counseling. -Kurt
I been married to my husband for 13 years. 11 months ago we both decided to have a baby. When I got pregnant he changed. He was always angry and distant. When I was 4 months pregnant we had an argument. I had talked to him before his atitud, but he did not open up to me. Because his behavior, I left the house for two weeks. When I came back I thought things we're going to change, but he was still the same. We had another argument a week after I came back. My husband went to sleep at my son's bedroom and after two weeks of him sleeping there I found out he had been talking to another girl for abot 4 weeks. I told him he had to choose me or her and he said he couldn't because he was confused. I told him since he couldn't decide that I would make the decisiton and leave. A few days after I we decided to work things out and he told me he would stop talking to her. He said tey we're only talking over the phone and she was the one calling him. From July 25 up to September he was always angry cold and distant. He would go out and come back at 3am 6 days out of the week. I use to talk, cry and asked him to stop going out because I started suffering from anxiety and depression and I couldn't eat or sleep. Specifically when he was not at home. I wouldn't get mad because that was his excuse for talking to someone else. He blame me for leaving him those two weeks and he said I was always mad and that I didn't understand him. I was more understanding and loving but he didn't stop going out. He maid me believe that he was still seeing her but when I asked him he always said no. On September he stop going out less but I was a little more strict with him. I told him to go our separate ways in 2 ocations. But he said to try to work things out. By October he didn't go out at all and he stop drinking. But he was still a little distant and was still getting angry over anything. He suffered before from depression and anxiety before and I asked him if he was going through that again and he said yes. In the middle of October I grab his phone and saw all the text messages, phone calls and pictures all the way to the end of September. He never stop talking to her. I confronted him and he just walked away and didn't talked about it. He just said that he did nothing wrong, they were just talking. I text the girl and she said they started habing sex on July and it was often up to September that he seemed different. She knew he was married and that I was 4 months pregnant, but that he told her we we're separated. She ended up the relationship with him when she found out he was lying. I don't know what his plans were since he stop seeing her but not ended up the relationship. I don't know if he kept on talking to her on October because he doesn't want to talk about it. I try to leave him 3 times after this but he ends up convensing me to stay. He will be loving and carrying for 1or2 days and then he goes back to been cold, distant, and angry. I don't know if I should leave to make him understand how much he hurt me, because it seems like he doesn't care or know. Or if I should stay as and give him more time. I have a lot of emotions going on and I'm tire of always beeing the one that has to be understanding, loving and carrying. I don't know if is the depresion or if he misses her. I tru talking to him bt he does not respond or. He gets mad if I asked questions and he makes me feel like he is not trying his best. My baby now is four weeks old and I am so hungry for love and attention but he is not giving it to me. I want to leave so bad, but I'm scare things will get worse. My otions are all over the place and he is not doing enough to repair the trust, respect, and love he broke. I feel that if I stau he wont t s ke it serious and change. I'm care he will do it again. Ee font have the financial to get a marriage counseling. Please advise me.
Bianca, Marriages can recover from an affair, but it takes a lot of work. Because the recovery is so difficult to navigate on your own, talking to a professional counselor can really be helpful. You can also read the other articles we have on this topic by clicking the Cheating Spouse topic on the right side of this page. -Kurt
I had a several affairs (yes I'm a POS) that all ENDED in June-July of 2014. In July 2015 I was caught for two of those affairs and confessed to 4 more totaling. It's been a uphill battle to regain trust love again with my spouse and rightfully so.
On Valentine's Day 2016 my wife found my old phone that was broken/buggy as of July/August 2014 in a drawer when I was at work and went through it and re-dug up everything effectively ruining everything WE worked on... Should I have just smashed it once she found it or just toss it in a river to re-prevent from happening again,NOT JUST FOR ME But so I stop hurting her over and over for things I did approaching two years ago now?
Nate, That's really great that you take responsibility for your actions, and have tried to repair your relationship. Keeping things around that have connection to your affairs probably isn't wise. It may be helpful to seek out a professional counselor who can give you both the tools to deal with instances like this when the past comes up. -Kurt