There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
Women regularly contact Guy Stuff with a message that just says -- "husband cheated on me."
Last week one of those women sat across from me in my office.
My husband cheated on me, [bleep] husband cheated on me."
Kiki said as she put her face in her hands and sobbed.
To be fair, either partner, man or woman, can and does cheat. I'm working right now with both men and women whose partners cheated on them.
Back to Kiki's story. She thought Ray sounded weird when he called her at 12:30 a.m. and said he'd be home in a little while. He told her he was dropping off a buddy, but she didn't believe him. Several months later after several other strange episodes, she had him take a lie detector test and she found out the truth -- he had "strippers" in the car with him that night (Side note -- I do not support using a lie detector test to get honesty in a relationship).
Ray also confessed that he had slept with one of them too. He blamed it on being drunk, and on Kiki's anger, and on being unhappy. It wasn't until he faced me that he fully owned his behavior and that he really had been cheating and was sexting too.
So if you're like Kiki, and many of the other women who contact Guy Stuff saying, "husband cheated on me, what should I do?" Here are a couple of suggestions to start:
These are just a couple of things to keep in mind at the beginning of finding out your husband cheated on you. There's so much more to recovering from cheating than this. You really need marriage counseling from a professional counselor to guide and support you. Kiki can testify to that, so can Christine, Melissa, Natalie . . . and all the other women who've gotten help from Guy Stuff.
"Husband cheated on me" doesn't have to be the death of your relationship. It can be, but it also can lead to a better relationship than you've ever had before. The choice is yours.
There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
Suspecting a partner of cheating can shake your world.
What should you do if your Wife Cheats On You? Check out this expert advice for what to do next.
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i have been married to this guy for more than 8 years now.i gave birth to a son last year ( June 2011)and ten days after giving birth to my son i came to know that he is going around with this female from last one year.he apologized after being caught and promised that he is never going to repeat the same mistake but i caught him 5 times with the same women and i am tired of spying on him and hence had to believe him that he is not doing anything wrong??
i have supported him a lot and i even sold all my gold ornaments to help him during difficult times.
Apart from his extra-marital relationships, he is very rude to me and keeps criticizing me and never takes me out, or does not show interest in me.i feel alone.i need love care and affection to live..what should i do?
Nancy, You need to set limits on what behavior you'll accept from him. Talking to a marriage counselor would be a good place to start to learn how to do this. -Kurt
I have been married for 3 months, we dated for oer a yea and this past april wed. We had several huge fights where we both said we were leaving. But we always worked out our problems. In july after a small arguement over my wife touching up her make up to ist her sister she told e she wanted to sepate fo while. I was so lost at first ikept thinking what went wrong.She blamed it all on the fighting and me being mad at her alot for little things. i tried to make several attempts to talk it out with her. she blew me off. a week later she moved out and is now staying with a friend. When we split up sh told me i was free to do as i wished an she would do the same. I went out one friday and she found out and blew a gasket and got mad. she came and tookthe rest of her clothes and tol me several hatefull things including she was divorcing me. SHe did not fileaftershe calmed down.The following night i went out and ran into an ex of mine. We chatted and ended going back to a frineds house, i later passed out wit her in the same bed. A fried ho knew my wife recently told her. She was very hurt by this. She told me she believed me when i said i wanted to work it out and go to marriage counceling.But she never told me before that moment. I have said how sorry i am and how i wish i could take back what i did. I know it is but isnt cheatng becauseshe said go do what you want. But she has said several times she has not done anything with anyone. I have never asked if she was,she just brings it up as if she has and needs to reassure he self its ok. I dont know what will happen wit this marriage i hope we wanget past this and recover because i love my wife and my children fom a previous marriage love her as well. Im scaredto as her where she wants to go with this weher be a divrce or work it out. SO any adivice would be helpfull.
This topic has been something I have been looking into for a few hours and your post is one of the best I have read.
My husband has had what I think could be a MLC to affairs to porn addition. Married for many years, and many years of hurt through porn to full blown physical affair. We separated and he ended the affair. Later on another affair was uncovered (text, email, lunches, etc. he says it was never physical although agreed it was "inappropriate"). We separated again in light of this relationship and his unhappiness. He states doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't know what he wants, he's conflicted, he's confused, he can't commit to me, he can't stop his addiction, he doesn't want to be married, he will not get counseling (because he's tired of being told he's wrong and I'm right), the list goes on and on. I don't want to give up on my husband. I love him unconditionally!! I just don't know what to even do. I desperately want marriage counseling. I don't even know how to break through to him. He says we are at different places. Any words of advice that might help? I'm willing to do anything! I'm working on changing myself - I know I've made mistakes in forgiving him (my actions didn't support my words!). I'm in so much pain! I don't even know how to relate to him on this roller coaster of emotions, and I don't know which battle to face. We need help, but giving up is not an option for me!
Denise, Keep working on improving yourself. The best chance of getting him to change his mind is by his seeing change in you. It sounds like you're the only one who wants help right now, so you've got to accept that despite how painful it is. -Kurt