There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
“Life is short. Have an affair.” That’s the tag line of a well known cheating website. If you’re searching for a website to have an affair, they’re out there (sadly).
As a counselor who helps couples rebuild their relationship after the destruction of an affair (as well as helping men and women who are in the midst of cheating and are very confused), I hope you’ll read this whole post if you’re searching the web for a website to have an affair.
And the reason why I hope you'll read this is because the biggest thing men and women need at the moment they're giving in to their desire to cheat is a dose of reality and the truth, not the 'feel good' spin this website puts on having an affair.
“Your wife will never find out…” That’s the subject line of spam email I got from this cheating website. That’s one of the biggest myths about an affair – you can keep it a secret. The truth is that an affair almost never stays a secret.
How does this cheating website to have an affair recommend you keep it a secret?
“The #1 rule if you’re having an affair is don’t do it with a single women. Instead, date a married woman who has just as much reason to keep your affair a secret as you do.”
Nice try, but that doesn't work either.
There are all kinds of ways you can get caught having an affair that you can't control. Here are a few true stories from people I've counseled who've had affairs:
I could go one giving you more examples of how people have been caught having an affair, but you get the point. There are a lot of things out of your control that can make your cheating fantasy come crashing to a very ugly and sudden end. Don't fall for the lies put out by websites to have an affair.
I’m sure you’ve got plenty of reasons to justify why you have the right to have an affair. A man I’m working with right now had them. He registered on this website for affairs last year while he was very unhappy in his marriage. It’s now 9 months later and we’re just beginning to start to rebuild the trust that was broken just by his creating a profile -- he didn’t even to be having a full fledged affair before his wife caught on.
If you want to be with someone else, tell your partner that -- before you do it. Having an affair almost never stays a secret. So don’t kid yourself that it will be different for you. Do yourself a big favor, just be honest with your soon to be ex before you cheat. It will be painful for sure, but it's a whole lot less painful than what when she finds out later you're having an affair.
Here's another truth to consider before you click on that website to have an affair. Most people after they have an affair look back on it and can't believe it was really them cheating -- Your Affair Will Never Lead to True Love. For many people it just goes against who they believe they really are. They just lose themselves for a period of time in the thrill of chasing new love and leaving behind the loneliness of their broken relationship.
So for a moment, put aside your unhappy feelings about your partner, and your desire to be loved by someone new, and just think about the type of person you believe you are. Are you the type of person who would lie, deceive and destroy his family and life to feel good for a little while? Because the truth is, by your clicking on a website to have an affair that's exactly what you're about to do. Think about it.
There’s no question that discussing cheating is an emotionally charged conversation, here's what to expect.
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I feel empty! After 30 years of marriage with a husband whom I constantly felt like I was begging to love me. He would spend hours at the gym talking to any and everyone instead of coming home. He would look at other women and ignore me for months. Over and over he has shown little regard for my deepest fears. Other than just aging normally, I gave him no reason to find me less attractive than when we married. Recently he communicated with an old friend, who early in our marriage disrespected me by flirting w him in front of me. When I told him that I felt it was inappropriate to communicate with her, he told me that I just don't want him to have friends. I just felt like I was too old to have these juvenile conversations. Through social media they communicated daily. I felt just like I did when I was younger. She was flirting with him right there for me and the world to see. He yelled and belittled me for months about my jealous ways. It was one thing to be married to a man who ignored me, but to have to be insulted daily just emptied me out and literally broke me. One day he said that he refused to discuss it with me again. The next day I asked what he would do if I wanted to discuss it again because I was going to continue. He immediately changed his tone. Everything was great. He would not talk with her again. He changed his tone way too quickly! I checked his phone and what did I find? A heartfelt msg from her about her unresolved feelings for him. I knew something had to happen! I gave him a chance for him to tell me about the msg. He did not. I have caught him him in several situations about money and other things where he had straight up lied to me.
This all sounds so childish. He has tried his best to make up everything to me. This incident and menopause together has sent me into a tailspin. It has unleashed a torrent of emotions and words from me that I never thought I would share with him because he would have called me crazy and I would have believed him.
He says he fully understands everything he has put me through. I truly don't think that is possible. We have had periods of marital bliss longer than the current period. I feel like on the outside I look happy but on the inside I am empty and just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I have always been the one to use our term that we have called "reeled him back into our marriage" after months or years of being ignored emotionally and physically. I would have to have an emotional episode to get his attention.
I'm tired of chasing him. I'm tired of sencing something "off" and snooping until the truth comes to light. I have always loved him. I just always fold my life around his to make his life easier.
As in every story, there are always deeper, more complex issues not brought to light. But it boils down to "he chose talking to her over my feelings" because for 30 years he had chosen many, many things without consideration for me. Our entire marriage has been on his terms. He thinks because he had "changed" that I can just overcome the deep feelings of loneliness from years of neglect. I want desperately to relax and enjoy our newly developed relationship! Emotionally, I feel empty.
It's been almost a year since I found out my husband of 17 years had an affair with a "whore" named Julie. She new we were married and had 3 beautiful children and that my husband was depressed and in a severe midlife crises. Oh, I played a role in it too. I was totally into the children, practically abandoned my husband . Instead of talking things through and seeking help, this 2 times divorced gold digging blond went after my husband, my family- tried to steal my life. The last laugh was on her. By the grace of God and a lot of counciling my husband and children are still together, closer than ever. However, the pain was and still is the most devestating and painful thing that could ever happen to a women in her life! It went as far as her pushing him to ask me for a divorce. He did ask me. Oh it wasn't because of another woman he said. Screw that! That was the only thing it could've been. Within 24 hours I had found out who what why where she was, who she was, where she worked and what she did. I could've knocked my husband over with that feather when I presented my information to him. He never in his life thought I would find out. Now we are still working on the trust issue, that we are closer than ever and our marriage is stronger than ever. And poor Julie has moved on to her next victim. Watch out ladies, I hope it's not your husband she's after because she is good. Anybody who could get my husband to go against his beliefs in his mortals has got to be very good in deed. God bless you all and keep your husband happy!
Very sad to hear ur story and I truly understand how much it would hurt you.Did you and ur husband work it out?I think ur husband most certainly loves you.if you separate from him,may be he will understand n come around...all the very best...pray for ur marital wellness...
Whatever. I’ve been in a sexless marriage for 11 years. She abandoned me long before I ever contemplated abandoning her. The only reason I haven’t divorced her is because I want to see my kids every day. Treat your husbands like roommates and they will look for someone that appreciates them. It’s not even about ‘lust’ or ‘instant gratification,’ it’s about feeling like you have even a modicum of worth to another human. I’m sure some people have positive married experiences, but for me, it was a deception. I’ve wasted my best years and will never get them back. So yeah, I have and will “cheat” and not feel a single ounce of regret.