Overthinking in a relationship is a problem, but it’s not unbeatable. Use the tips below, to stop spiraling through the cycle of overthinking in your relationship.
"I'm sorry" is one of the best things we can say to our partner -- but only if we really mean it. When sorry isn't said with any feeling or followed by any change, then we can start to feel -- "I'm tired of hearing 'sorry'."
Sadly, sorry is either one of the most under-used, or over-used, words in relationships. Either way is a problem.
I hear "sorry" said almost every day in counseling men. But like a lot of the wives and girlfriends of these men, "I'm tired of hearing 'sorry'", when it's not really meant, isn't accompanied by any ownership, and isn't followed-up with any change.
Here's a short, but powerful post I wrote on Google+ about hearing sorry without change (be sure to click the Read More button after the first 2 lines to read the full post).
A guy I was counseling this week said to his wife, "sorry you're feeling that way." But he neglected to include his part in why she felt the way she did. It was clear he didn't really mean it. His wife later told me, "I'm so tired of hearing 'sorry'."
Here are 3 requirements that need to go along with saying "sorry":
Without all 3 of these pieces, your saying sorry can just elicit an, "I'm tired of hearing sorry," response from your partner.
Are you tired of hearing "sorry" too? Please share a little about why in a comment below.
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Overthinking in a relationship is a problem, but it’s not unbeatable. Use the tips below, to stop spiraling through the cycle of overthinking in your relationship.
Overthinking is like being on a mental hamster wheel – lots of energy expended, ultimately getting you nowhere.
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I told my husband a few days ago that his sorry card has expired. Sometimes he will do the same exact things a few days later and say he is trying to change. I'm getting fed up with it. Like constantly falling asleep when trying to have a romantic time or to discuss financial issues. Also found out he put his sister on his pension at his new job. You guessed it. He said he was "sorry" for not discussing it with me.
The "sorry" I LOATHE is "IF I hurt you, then (either) I GUESS I'm sorry or just "sorry". IF YOU HURT ME! Wouldn't it be very plain to see that your words or actions hurt if I'm crying and telling you they did!! To me, that's just lip service. You may as well tell me it's MY FAULT you hurt me!
I have been with my partner for 3 years at first it was perfect i never felt so loved he was so much what I wanted i had been in a abusive relationship gor 14 yrs and he was married to a woman who cheated and he was not happy so we were vety clear on what we need and we expected i let him lead and i was submissive to him but he was always respectful for the first time in my life I had a connection with the person I planned forever i went to prison over past things and he stayed with me the whole time I got out and he was angry I left i didn't see how it affected him we went through the hardest times o was wanting to go forward be happy enjoy life but we have not break able to get to a healthy place where both of us can be positive and we can not communicate we love each other we just tired of being sorry please help us
My man is an attention seeker. He acts childish and scans the room for validation. It’s annoying and I’ve asked him to stop. He’s 52 years old and won’t take responsibility for anything he does. When I call him out he turns it on me with an old issue from years before that have nothing to do with the current problem. He will give me the silent treatment for days or weeks until I reach out and try to fix things. I’ve distanced myself from a few close friends and family because he’s jealous and insecure. He talks constantly when we are in public until something sets his mood off ex: talk to a male waiter to order and god forbid laugh! But he can take and make sexual jokes to women all day and it’s ok. I’m usually easy going and pick my battles with him but he’s draining me. I feel his moods are up and down and he depends on me for his happiness but he annoys me so much with his immature behavior from acting childish, blaming every argument on me, giving me the silent treatment, holding me in financial prison. I feel as he may have a mood disorder/identity crisis. He copies things I do or say in an odd way. Help
Liza, This behavior isn't uncommon and I treat it all the time. While there could be a mood disorder influencing things, it's likely identity related more thing anything. If he won't join you in getting help for your relationship, then go without him. You'd benefit from learning some better responses and coping tools. -Dr. Kurt