What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
A common complaint I hear in counseling men is that there's no sex in marriage. If you're one of those guys who has a marriage without sex, I've got some good news. Women complain about no sex in marriage too. Check out "My Husband Won't Have Sex with Me" for one example.
It may be surprising to learn that more wives than not want to have sex with their husbands. That certainly goes against what many of the guys I work with believe regarding their marriages, especially the ones who say they have no sex in their marriage. It’s true though.
It may be really hard for some men to believe, but most women enjoy and want sex as much as they do. They just want more than a quick, physical interaction. It’s a myth that women don’t like sex, or that after marriage and kids they’re no longer interested. The truth is that it’s easy for both partners to get lazy and forget that sex is about more than just the act. Women in particular are looking for more to the experience than just the physical, and can become disinterested when it’s a matter of just sex with very little emotional connection. Of course, they also play a role in that as well.
More proof can be found at iVillage, an online community for women, in their 2012 Married Sex Survey; a poll of the sex lives of 1,001 wives ages 18-49. The results will be shocking if you're in a marriage with no intimacy.
Here's the REALLY GOOD NEWS for men:
So what is a man to do when he feels trapped in a marriage with no sex? Well, to begin with, talking and connecting with his wife is a good start. Before you can start complaining about the lack of sex in your marriage you really need to give some thought to whether the effort you’re making is right and enough. Understanding what your wife wants and how she feels about your sex life is key. She bears responsibility here too though - a happy and healthy sex life is a two-way street.
In addition, there are some specific things that women commonly respond to when it comes to generating interest in sex.
What helps to get women in the mood for sex? Here are some of the key components that women have cited.
What can husbands do with this info if they're in a marriage without sex? Communicating with her and creating a more intimate and personal connection is the biggest, and most beneficial thing they can do. Below are three specific actions you can begin to do right now that will help get her in the mood.
No sex in marriage is no fun and not particularly healthy. Now we know that's true for both husbands and wives. The best news of all is that you can do something to change a marriage with no intimacy.
Stop right now and think of 1 thing you can do from the above list that wives say they want. Guys, let's stop complaining about no sex in marriage and start doing something about it.
What else can you do? Take our Partner Rater Quiz and get more ideas about how you can change a marriage without sex and love.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 24, 2012. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
What can you do if you think My Husband Is Not Physically Attracted To Me?
Think My Husband Doesn’t Find Me Attractive After Baby? If you think your Husband Doesn’t Find You Attractive After Having A Baby there may be more to it.
Most women don’t think of men as being shy or nervous in the bedroom. To many of us it seems like men have an envious amount of self-assuredness and confidence when it comes to their sexual abilities (warranted or not).
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
Omg I would love to be treated like that she doesn't realize how lucky she is I'm so sorry that must have hurt I would give anything for that
I get so frustrated when I see articles or posts on women being the ones not wanting sex. That has never been the case with me. I am always the one wanting sex while my husband is never in the mood. I just don't get it. When I read articles like this and read comments by men who always want sex, I don't get why my husband doesn't.
I know I have always had a high sex drive. I enjoy sex and everything about being intimate. My husband is even younger than me so I guess I expected his drive to be higher than mine. I resent that I am always the one who has to initiate. I have even tried and suggested spicing things up, doing different things, but he is not interested. Even times when we do have sex, he loses his erection or can't finish. I'm getting to the point where I want to give up and that frustrates me even more. I want to have a good sex life.
When I try to talk about it with my husband, he assures me he finds me attractive and that he just isn't in the mood. I have suggested he go see a doctor to make sure there isn't anything going on health wise, but he refuses to go. I don't know what else I can do.
I don't want to cheat to fulfill that need and not wanting to get a divorce, but I am running out of what to do.
Any advice??? Frustrated and confused!
Frustrated, If he won't see his doctor, maybe he would consider counseling to get to the bottom of the issue. If he refuses to go, you can go without him. In my experience, once one partner goes, the other one wants to. -Kurt
Marriage is meant to be sexless and miserable, I know I've put up with it for 40 years.
It's always, "oh counseling will make it better". We've been to counseling...It didn't work. Truth is if you have a proud stiff necked woman who does not want to change, well there is no hope. Change can only happen if both parties want it, if one party refuses then then the choice is really leave or stay and continue to be abused. I really feel like women get free passes on abuse. People think abuse is only physical or name calling, it's much more than that, much deeper and more wounding.
Yeah that's not going to help. Women have sexual for emotional connection. Women stop having sex because being connected to the man emotionally is unbearably painful.
The first step is to asks questions:
Should your wife fake it and lie there for ten minutes?
Yes, you are attempting to rape you wife. You want it, she doesn't, and your trying to make her do it any way. We already knew sexual consent is out the window. It's just a question of how far you are willing to go. Pressurec manipulation, condemnation, bullying, military torture techniques like sleep deprivation, drugging her or getting her drunk or violating her in her sleep, physical force? It's just a question of how far. The reason your wife doesn't have sex with you is because you are a bad person who is trying to harm her and she's not safe and can't trust you either physically or sexually. The solution is simple. Divorce. Then this will no long be your problem. Most men who want to violate and harm there wives don't want a willing woman, that's why they don't leave or cheat or fix the marriage. These men set up sexless marriages on purpose to know if they can sexually control their wives out of insecurity because they are afraid they will never get sex from a woman freely, and trying to sexually control all the women their with makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.
The second group of men are revolted and insulted by pity sex. Even if they try it they hate it because they want to be wanted, and welcome in her body and to sexually please her. That's great, but it doesn't mean the marriage doesn't have problems, and it doesn't mean the husband can solve it. Medical care for sexual dysfunction is abysmal. People are trying but there is a long way to go. No amount of marriage counseling or meeting her emotional needs is going to fix a pelvic floor problem that makes sex painful. If a woman was molested as a child or raped, even while married she may not talk about it and the husband might not know. Yes a good marriage would help here and make a woman more likely to open up, but again, a man cannot fix what he didn't break and often neither can his wife. If modern medicine and law can't figure out how to deal with it how are the husband and the wife supposed to? Often they can't. And just because the husband isn't a wanna be rapist doesn't mean that there aren't serious relationship issues or individual issues, his, hers or both in the marriage.
Quite frankly as a wife who withheld sex this is obvious, but also insulting.
Wives withhold sex for major problems. Men know being nice to their wives will normally get them more sex. It almost always goes beyond that.