Is there No Intimacy In Your Marriage? Find out what you can do about Lack of Marriage Intimacy.
Part 3 of 3
Married problems? Mistakenly, a lot of people believe that being married means you'll have problems. Although married problems are common, they don’t automatically come with one another.
We create our married problems. So in this final article we’ll learn what this couple did about their problems in marriage. The first two articles have explored the Marriage Troubles and Marriage Failing of Command Sgt. Maj. Chris Faris and his wife, Lisa. As in the previous articles, I'll share an excerpt from the USA Today story on the Faris' (military married problems) and then my insights.
To the world outside, they were this strong Army couple ministering to families in grief. At home, it was arguments, strained dinner conversation and simmering resentments.
For many, many marriages what family, friends, and the world sees is an illusion of what really happens behind closed doors. The truth about our married problems is something we can work really hard at hiding from others, and often even from ourselves.
From their home in Fayetteville, N.C., Lisa had her own vision of the war. "I lost more friends. There were so many casualties from home. Not from death. But from (wives) just quitting. From (them) walking away from their situations because they just did not have the strength to do it anymore."
Lisa was also deciding secretly by 2006, she says, that the marriage was over -- something her husband said he never realized until they both began telling their stories this year.
It’s pretty common that one partner gives up on the marriage and dealing with the problems in marriage much earlier than the other. Often the other partner, most frequently the guy, doesn’t realize his wife has given up until much later.
It was the epiphany Chris had in 2008 -- triggered by his younger daughter's chastening remark about missed birthdays, and a long contemplative plane ride back to Afghanistan -- that began the turnaround.
Read more about what Faris’ daughter said to him about their marriage troubles. In my experience, a lot of men don’t hear the message about the married problems until the wake-up call comes from something involving their kids.
The next year, he came home pleading with his wife to begin marriage counseling..."I'm on bended knee, 'Hey, I got it. I screwed up. This is the last chance. I love you,'" Chris says...She was reluctant. They had attempted counseling without success. But this time, the counselor helped them see the walls they built between them, and the bricks began coming down..."She actually gave us the desire to try," Lisa says.
A very important lessen here is that just because marriage counseling may not have been successful in the past doesn’t mean that it can’t be this time. Too often couples use counseling as an excuse not to try to fix problems in marriage. It’s amazing what a difference it can make when both people come to marriage counseling with an open mind and motivated to change.
"The commander and I are absolutely committed to preserving the force," Chris says. The first step is seeking help, he says.
Got married problems? The first step, as Chris says, is to seek help. You've started to do this by coming to this website. What's your next step?
Is there No Intimacy In Your Marriage? Find out what you can do about Lack of Marriage Intimacy.
Money conversations have a way of going sideways fast, especially in a relationship, learn how to navigate it here.
It starts with something small – a late bill, an argument over groceries, a home repair, even kids’ school supplies.
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Well my husband don"t smoke,drink, or watch porn.26 years ago he went to Fiji and married me.when first time I came to his house he got a big box of porn magazines and I made him get rid of it.I came to know that he was not same person any more.I kept running unto him having pleasure by himself one day I said why I can not satisfy my self in the moment of making love to you.I said a you gay.He likes to to flirt with young girls in front of me Ididn't know what to do I didn'n want hurt him by talking to any so for 26 years I let it go.Today we sleep in saparate rooms he is a man who do many things for me accept making love to me.well it is too late for help because he is in his 62 and I am 60 .I don't why I did the quiz I still want a man to love me hug me and I still want to sleep in his arms all those years with my husband I never understood.I still don't know who he is.
I want to continue counseling and my wife wants to move on we have been married 21+ years with 4 kids and six pregnancies, lost of both of her parents in the last 5 years,.6 years ago we were separated for six weeks. I have made improvements joined some mens groups to prevent this from happening again, if I get another chance.
My husband and I have been together for 18 yrs and married for 11. We have had our ups and downs the last couple of years. He had a stupid night out with the guys (which he admitted immediately) and I have been fiscally irresponsible. We are great friends and wonderful parents together. We are both military and we get separated more often than I would like. He is gone for another 3 months, but before he left he told me he wanted to work on our relationship especially the sex part. I was devastated and overreacted. I thought we were okay, but on further reflection, we could use more time for connection. I am also having some problems with depression. My biggest fear right now is that he is going to change his mind and decide he doesn’t want to work on things. We communicate as often as possible, but he isn’t super affectionate, but very supportive. Our children are a big priority for him and he makes sure to talk with them daily. I guess I am just scared that I will lose my best friend because I thought we were all good and now I realize we weren’t. It is also Very difficult to work on issues when you can’t be together.
I have been married 8 years and been with my husband 13 years I was going through the menopause and I pushed my husband away every time he want to make love. Now I'm not going through the menopause no more he said he does want the marriage anymore and that he doesn't love me but he cares. We have an 8yrs old son together and we both love him to bits. But now my husband wants to move out and is a bit talking to another guy who women. I tell him every day that I love the bones of him and all I get is u will get over it. I don't know what to do no more
My wife and I have been married now for 21 years, and we went through a very bad period just a couple years into our marriage that involved drugs and some infidelity of some kind by both of us. We lost our kids and got them back after we got clean and reestablished my career. Now, we have come to a place where she has asked me to leave, because I have lied to her several times about things that I should have never hid from her. Last night, I was caught drinking from a hidden bottle outside, and she has told me to leave, she is done with the lies. I love her with all my heart, but my selfishness and deceit has really caused major damage. I am already planning on attending A.A. to address this problem, but I don’t know if I should leave and give her space or will that just feed her distrust, because she will think I’m out getting drunk or even worse. I don’t know what to do .......