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Signs of Verbal Abuse In Our Hi-Tech World


signs of verbal abuse in relationshipLooking for signs of verbal abuse?  Here's some real, subtle signs of verbal abuse, and how a verbally abusive relationship can look in our hi-tech world.

Ever wonder if it's possible for verbal abuse to occur by texting or IM?  Patrick and Vanessa have a verbally abusive relationship, here's one example of what the signs of verbal abuse look like in their lives (more on What Verbal Abuse Looks Like).

It's Friday about 1 p.m. Patrick and Vanessa haven't spoken since their fight the night before ended with Patrick choosing to sleep in the guest bedroom.  Patrick's day is ending early so he sends Vanessa a text saying he's on his way home.

According to Patrick, a “barrage” of texts from Vanessa follows his text that "about made my phone blow-up" (Note - phone blowing-up can be signs of verbal abuse). Each thought she had about the night before was tapped out on her phone and sent as soon as she thought it.

Is this the modern-day signs of verbal abuse?  Yes.

"It gave me the same kind of anxiety I had in my first marriage," Patrick later told me. Feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about what awaited him at home, Patrick turned his phone off and drove an hour and a half out of his way to go have dinner at a favorite restaurant.  After dinner, still not wanting to go home and face Vanessa, he went to the movies.  He finally got home after 9 p.m., more than 7 hours later than he could have.

Patrick and Vanessa then avoided talking face-to-face to each other for another 2 1/2 days.  Be sure to take a look at the Signs of Abusive Relationship.

When you're in a verbally abusive relationship, the verbal abuse can come by way of any number of different modes of communication.  It's easy to dismiss the immediate communication we can have with our hi-tech devices as being normal rather than verbal abuse.

Have you got signs of verbal abuse in your relationship?  Please share what verbal abuse looks like in your relationship in the comment section below.


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I'm basically not allowed to be upset or dissapointed about anything or I'm yelled at and called names..when I do try to have any kind of discussion about important things or how I feel right away my spouse blows up at me yells hurtful names and insults and storms out before I can say a word. I'm made fun of and mocked when my spouse thinks something ive said or done is stupid...and I'm constantly criticized nothing I ever do is good enough or appreciated. I'm made to feel that i should feel fortunate that my spouse is with me and that if I don't walk on eggshells and do as I'm told it's the highway...makes me feel unimportant and worthless to the person who is supposed to love me unconditionally.
Posted @ Friday, March 30, 2012 10:13 PM by J.C
J.C., Sorry to hear that's the relationship you're in. It's definitely wrong and not what a loving relationship looks like. You need to learn how to change it. Get some help from a professional counselor. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, April 03, 2012 1:59 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
When my husband and I fight it usually ends with us not speaking for days on end. Then he will act like nothing happened and that the hurtful things he said have no effect on me what so ever. In the past when I try to tell him I was hurt I get you are too sensative or I never said that. I cut the grass for him the other day beccause he worked overtime and he blamed me for putting dents in his boat. When I said I didn't touch the boat with the mower he became enraged and we got into heated fight and then he said no wonder you are divorced. This has been said before. Am I in an abuse marriage?
Posted @ Thursday, August 23, 2012 2:57 PM by MB
MB, yes, you are in an abusive marriage. Now you just need to choose to do something about it. The is help out there - like right here - if you choose to stop accepting the abuse and change your marriage. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, September 05, 2012 12:38 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
When my husband and I fight I'm told I'm pathetic and that I lack the ability to learn or lack the ability to explain myself. He dismisses my feelings and belittles me and makes me feel stupid. It's my fault when he kicks in the front door or I'm the one who made him get angry. He tells me that he is going to file for a divorce because he is sick of dealing with me and I'm his problem. He tells me I'm worthless and there is no hope for me. I cry myself to sleep every night because I'm not understanding why this person I love so much is abusing me in so many different ways. Is my husband verbally abusing me?
Posted @ Saturday, September 29, 2012 9:46 PM by L.G
L.G., Yes, you are being abused. No what steps are you going to begin to take to stop accepting it? -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, October 03, 2012 7:14 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I feel your pain in this same situation 4 years of abuse I'm married and I'm ready to get out. Yeah I lost my job too I was out work for 5 month I was applying for job that wasn't good enough for here she say you less than a man . It hurt she have her friend talking about me im her husband she suppose to have my back . I don't argue with her sometime I think of KILLING myself I need help HELP ME PLEASE I know a male we have to be strong it hard too.
Posted @ Friday, February 01, 2013 10:18 AM by Mitch
I agree with you guys. Good Luck !!!
Posted @ Saturday, August 30, 2014 1:14 AM by Obat Penghancur Batu Ginjal
My 18 year old daughter has been dating a boy for the last three years and is now pregnant. It has been a nightmare for our family and a very emotional rollercoaster for my daughter. It is very clear to everyone but my daughter that this is an abusive relationship even though we are not aware of any physical abuse the emotional torment has completely torn my daughter down. She for some reason is stuck on him and loves him. They are currently broken up because she confronted his cheating and he is now punishing her by not speaking to her and ignoring her texts and calls. I do not know what to do to help her and it breaks my heart to see her like this. Furthermore I am scared for her and her unborn child. How can I help her?
Posted @ Saturday, September 13, 2014 7:41 AM by Nikki
Nikki, She needs to hear advice from someone other than family; someone who has objectivity and experience to make the advice believable. Take her to a professional counselor, go with her to get the process started, then support her going but let her meet alone with the counselor. If you have to, make going to counseling a requirement for her to get your other support. Remember that she's now an adult, and you're limited to influencing her, but no longer can you control her choices. A tough transition for all parents. -Kurt
Posted @ Saturday, September 13, 2014 8:09 PM by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC
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