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Addicted to Pornography - A Guy Confesses He's Addicted

  
  
  
  

Addicted to PornographyPart 2 of 3

Jay never saw pornography as a problem.  He certainly didn't think he was addicted to pornography.  Looking at porn is pretty normal guy behavior he thought. 

Once in a while he'd wonder if he could be addicted to pornography, but he'd quickly rationalize the question away.  How could he be addicted to pornography?  He didn't obsess over it, he didn't plan his whole day around looking at porn, he didn't have an expectation and build-up for the next time he could look at pornography.  He wasn't like that.

What Jay didn't see was how routine looking at pornography had become for him.  He didn't see that, just like the addictive patterns described above, he also was dependent on porn.  Pornography gave him a little pleasure, sometimes for only a couple of seconds, in his otherwise stressful, demanding, non-stop life.  And he needed that. (Learn Is Porn Cheating?)

Jay almost never got on the computer to go right to porn.  But he usually ended up there.  He did like to check his email every day though, and mainly to see if any buddies had sent him any clips.  Also just like the addictive behavior he believed described someone who is pornography addicted, he'd became religious about checking his email.  It never occurred to him that his irritability and constant fights with Charlene the week the computer wasn't working were because he couldn't get into his email.

Jay's awareness changed after he began men's counseling at Guy Stuff.  Here's what he's shared with me since about his being addicted to porn:

  • "It was a distraction."
  • "It became an escape.  I'd get lost in it."
  • "I'd sit down to check my email real quick and before I knew it 2 hours had gone by."
  • "I'd go to it out of boredom."
  • "It was almost instinct to click on pics."
  • "It became a game to find pics to fulfill a fantasy."
  • "It wasn't an obsession.  I never thought, 'I can't wait to get home to get on the computer.'  It wasn't like that for me."

As Jay and I have worked together he's confessed that "lusting after women is huge for me.  It's my biggest challenge."  He says, "I live a life of fantasy.  What could be.  Not just with porn, but in my work, my relationship with Charlene, my whole life."

Are there any parts of Jay's story you can relate to?  If you're wondering if you could be addicted to pornography, and maybe even denying it like him too, talk to a professional counselor who knows porn addiction (be careful though, not a lot of counselors really know porn addiction).  Get an expert's opinion.  It's too easy for us to talk ourselves out of the truth.  Just like Jay.

(Read Part 1 of Jay & Charlene's story - What Porn Addictions Look Like - A Guy Confesses He's Addicted and Part 3 Porn Addiction Help - A Wife Finds Her Husband's Porn)

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Comments

I have ended my marriage as a result of my husband's porn activities. Porn is NOT harmless! Every minute a man spends looking at porn he is also withdrawing himself from his partner, kids, family, hobbies and friend, away from his "real" life. His partner suffers because he is witholding his sexual energies from her and fooling around outside the relationship (yes, it may be fantasy but it also affects your reality!!!) My marriage became celibate and I suffered over 10 years until I figured I hadn't signed up to be a nun and went to find myself a real man and had a wonderful affair which left me feeling a woman and feminine again. 
 
There's a simple test: would you be doing this if your partner was in the room? If the answer is "No" then you are cheating and your behaviour is disgusting and sleazy and she deserves better! My huband stopped talking to me, was secretive and "working" on his pc and up very late as a consequence of which he missed out on me, his kids lives, and he was tired and in a bad mood much of the time. 
 
Of course my body cannot live up to the the fantasy world, so he became critical about mine. I concluded that if he wants to spend his time looking at any whore who will spread her legs for everyman in the media, then he's welcome, but the one woman whose body he will NEVER get to look at is mine: I'm keeping mine for a wonderful man who deserves me. 
 
And to the extent that there are unfulfilled fantasies, if he'd told me he had any I'd have tried anything once, but he never asked. And so the man whose fantasies WILL be fulfilled are those of the man who adores me with the body I was given and who focusses his attention and life on me. 
 
And as far as I am concerned the whole sex industry is the most disgusting and loathesome slime pit because it robs men of their dignity, integrity and authenticity and it robs kids of their fathers and wives of their husbands and girlfriends of their boyfriends in insidious ways. 
 
And sex with him was generally very disappointing because he didn't really have a clue how my body works. 
 
That guys is the "real" part of pornography! it damages loves and lives forever. 
 
Posted @ Thursday, September 23, 2010 11:35 AM by Annabel
I agree!! I found out my boyfriend has been looking at porn. I discovered it on his phone almost a year ago, he lied to me and said it was on there because he was showing the site to a coworker. Shortly after he was laid off from work and I saw on the computer that he got on it daily, sometimes the minute after I walked out the door to go to work in the morning. I never confronted him directly, but asked questions in a round about way. He always lies, and gets very offended when I bring it up, immediately goes on the diffensive. Well, several months ago we had someone start staying with us and he wasn't able to do it because he would get caught. He stopped for several months. It was wonderful coming home and the evidence of porn not stare me in the face. For the past m
Posted @ Tuesday, October 04, 2011 6:24 PM by A woman lost
I agree with you. It has ruined my almost 5 years relationship. I gave a chance before but he repeated it and he lied when I smiled and asked him. 
 
It is disgusting. He makes me feel small and lousy. I don't have a wonderful body like the women in the porn. I do my best and I will do role play or anything with him. But I still lose out to the women out there. It makes me think who he is thinking of when he is having sex with me, which women in the porn. What is he doing behind my back? Which of his ex-es or which of my friends did he fucked? He is such a good liar. 
 
I have been fooled all these years. And I am determined not to give second chance anymore. He can go and watch all the porn and fucked around all that he wants.
Posted @ Monday, December 12, 2011 9:49 PM by nogard
I feel the same my husband told me yesterday I have it wrong hes not cheating by spending time with his porn. and hes not having sex as much because he needs to see porn to make him sexual enough to want me!! aLL bS excuses for spending time with the other person in our marriage instead of with me !!!!!!
Posted @ Thursday, February 23, 2012 2:00 PM by von
Von, You're right. It's BS and it's spending time with someone instead of you. Both are wrong. Blame is a common way guys justify looking at porn, so keep rejecting it. -Kurt 
Posted @ Tuesday, March 06, 2012 2:07 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
My boyfriend is constantly looking at porn online, video clips and searching in google for whores. He was on cheating sites where he set up profiles to cheat. I found all of this out and was extremely hurt! IT is cheating and it is an addiction. Do NOT stay with these men. IF they really loved you and respected you they would NOT be doing any of this. Prepare yourselves if you aren't and get yourself in order to leave them! Take what you need and get out! They will NOT change. These men are deviant and will make any and every excuse to take advantage of you! Stop the madness and don't allow it!
Posted @ Thursday, April 19, 2012 4:32 PM by Jenna
I'm going thru somewhat of the same things as I have read about...I truly don't understand why porn is so "interesting" when I'm in bed waiting for him and he is on the web looking at porn.. makes me feel like I"m not good enough anymore and not attractive enough.. hubby deals with ED. due to beign a diabetic... or if having sex right in the middle of it he goes soft.... he tells me it is not me.. but then when he is home alone he is looking at porn.. I found him looking at gay porn also.... confused... and lonely even though he is here....
Posted @ Thursday, May 17, 2012 12:50 PM by Dina
My husband has ed too and finds it hard to keep it up , he tells me if he looks at women its for titilation, nothing more, if hes turned on enough he can have sex with me !!! But i thought it was your partner that turned you on and being intimate ??? do you need a third person to make it sexy, when I asked this he said he knew i wouldnt understand , its a man thing ?
Posted @ Thursday, May 17, 2012 10:24 PM by von
Von, One of the problems with porn is that it causes us to find others more attractive than our partner. No it's not a man thing. All of what you're describing is the affects of porn use. In many cases ED can be resolved, but the affects of porn have to be addressed first. -Kurt
Posted @ Saturday, May 19, 2012 9:46 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
My husband and I have been married for 4 months, I never noticed him having a problem with porn until about a month ago. He will sneak into the bathroom at various times of the day, usually at least twice, and watch porn and masturbate. I'm not stupid so I know he's doing it. Just the other night when all 3 of our kids were in bed, I walked into the bathroom and he was watching porn and masturbating, he laughed and showed me his phone like it was a joke. Later, he said he thought he would make it easy for me to catch him, I just don't understand it. We have a good sex life, but this constant porn watching is really making me feel like I'm not good enough. And I've told him, he said he doesn't watch it for the girls, just the sex in general, and he likes masturbating is all and doesn't want to bug me a couple times a day. I don't feel like that's the whole truth. I'm so hurt over this.
Posted @ Wednesday, May 23, 2012 2:57 PM by Samantha W
Samantha, You're probably right that he's not telling you the whole truth. He certainly is trying to minimize it. Read some of the other articles under the Porn Addiction tag on the right to learn more about what's going on. -Kurt
Posted @ Thursday, May 31, 2012 8:27 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
my husband of 30 years is now looking at xdating free online and live chat not only does him looking at porn bother me and make me feel undesirable but now is the issue of "possibly cheating" confused upset and angry 
 
 
 
Dina
Posted @ Friday, June 01, 2012 6:03 AM by Dina
I have a question? my hubby has done the 12 step programme and has lied to his therapist. saying he was cured and thanked him for his help he has lied and conned me many times my husband untill recently had 17000 dollars worth of porn in our attic films books cd boxes and boxes, we had a huge argument he said they were like a safety blanket he never looked at them but he knew they were there, anyway I went out and when i came back they were all gone, there was evidence of broken cds and video tapes . he told me he smashed them up and they were all in the garbage cans , I felt very mixed emotions, his words happy now you got what you wanted ? You know deep down i just want to feel secure I want him to feel the urge for me that he has for his porn I want to be number one instead of second best, My question is where is the line drawn as what is porn we have a block on the pc so adult sites cant be accessed, but he tells me just going to macy's swimwear site he can masturbate too ? googling swimwear. he gets his fix do we have to ban every visual site with a woman on it LOL , I feel its a losing battle, My husabnd has not looked at porn for three weeks now and we have had some great sex. I told him i can tell the difference in the forplay the caressing, when it me his with and not the woman he just look at, then used my body to release himself in, I just wish Men understood !!!
Posted @ Sunday, June 03, 2012 11:09 AM by von
Von, Great question about where to draw the line on what is porn. It's really, really difficult now days. I recommend that men block or prevent exposure to anything that is sexually stimulating. There are more ways to do this than just a web filter, and I teach men and women this in my counseling and coaching. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:16 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I recently moved in with my boyfriend about 3 months ago. Up until then we'd been friends only for years and he always wanted to have sex with me. Since i have been living here however, i noticed some odd things. Like how hed always have to take his phone in the bathroom when he showered and i could even hear him masterbating he still denied it. So then he since supposedly has deleted all porn off his computer, and thrown all magazines away (except playboy collection)but i have a feeling he is still just using his phone to look at porn while he is at work. He denies of course, and tries to have sex with me a lot but its harder for him to cum, and lately only if i go down on him for a long time. Today he came home with a huge boner, went to other job, and by the time he came back home didnt want to have sex until morning again. Am i being paranoid like he tells me i am? ijust dont feel like i am enough. during sex now too its always usually me pleasing him. its very different, and beccause of his past with always looking at it, i really doubt he has stopped at all. i dont know what to do anymore. he says he cares so much about our relationship and wants to get married and thats why he threw it all away, but the way things are going that seems really scarey. :(
Posted @ Thursday, June 28, 2012 3:18 AM by Phyllis
Hi Kurt. I just want to thank you, for taking time out of your day to answer some of my question's I find your site and blog extremely interesting, and supportive , Everytime my relationship has a blip !!! here I am reading what other's say and your answer's I'm trying to get my husband to go to councelling with me as a couple, we both love each other to bits, and hes a great husband, I know by going we can only improve on great Thanks so much Von
Posted @ Sunday, July 01, 2012 11:50 AM by von
I've read every single comment on this webpage and it saddens me, that as a 25 yr old to any lady whos much older than me, we all deal with this disgusting matter. My problem is, my boyfriend doesn't understand the difference to real life chat windows and videos online. Yes they are the same, but when you talk to the girl on the other end, ummm...that's not okay. Right? I've come to the place in my head, well if he wants to look at other chick's, I'm going to look at other dicks. See how he likes it. Guarantee, he'll throw a fit like they all do. They can have fantasies, and we can't? Haha yeah okay...
Posted @ Sunday, July 01, 2012 5:24 PM by Elani
It's a reality now that with technology. its easier for people to watch porn and harder for it to be contained, It's really hurtful to read all the messages on here and everyone here has a story to tell, Although the stories are different the pain, anger, hurt and destruction of a human being is all very much the same  
 
Woman if you read this know your not alone and Men if you read this . read between the lines and see how its destroying you and your relationship !!
Posted @ Monday, July 02, 2012 10:59 PM by von
Von, Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear the site and comments are so helpful that you turn to them when you have a "blip." I encourage others to do the same. Stay tuned because there are more helpful resources on the way. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, July 03, 2012 8:59 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I wanted to share this with you all, a couple of days ago I hit rock bottom , when I found out yet again "hes back to his porn", I was determind to make him go for help as quite clearly it's not working wihout IT. so while looking for sites I started adding shortcuts to fav's, and along the top of the browser, So now the first thing he sees is the title wife of a porn addict. I have added little folders on the desktop.entitled porn addcits wife, I also found a pic of me, he took while I was crying in the bathroom, "eyes swollen and looking so hurt" I saved it and titled it Hurt by a porn addict, He was very quiet this morning ,so I knew he had seen them ,He later said to me wow reality somtimes needs to stare you in the face to understand the hurt you cause others, I think I'm finally getting to see how I make you feel. PERHAPS.. let's hope this is something they need to see, to make them think twice, about where the next click of the mouse takes them ?
Posted @ Thursday, July 05, 2012 11:18 AM by von
My husband also has been doing this for years. To the point it pushed me away . I was leaving him and for good! I made the huge mistake of finding affection elswhere and felt terribly guilty. I told him why and how I felt. he in turn punished me for 2 years of ignoring me and I tolerated it. I thought our marriage was healing and I stay at home because I have anxiety disorder. well I woke up at 3 am to find him sexting he says he was deleting the unwanted emails that he could not stop them. well I made my own site and found him on there. The things he said was mortifying. He was on a booty call and 3 other porn sites that I know of. He blamed me and my anxiety and said I was over reacting. After I found out I tried to let it go once again. So we were looking to buy a house and I thought we were good while cleaning out drawers to move I found over 30 phone numbers and porn site passwords in my anniversary card . That really hurt. so now he says everything is shredded and gone and sites deleted and he gave me his email password and phone and said here ya go check it. I'm sick of you bitching about this . So I looked not only to find a brand new site on his email he says he did'nt create. this has been going on for a year and it's the 4th time he has done it. He even get's numbers and told me girls at his work had made advances to him. but they are just friends. So now I have to deal with he see's these women every day plus all the porn chatting also. He denies any wrong doing and I was the one who messed up. Yes I did. but I have paid dearly for it. I feel the same as alot of you,. I don't feel he is thinking of me or wants to be with me. I tried to explain this to friends and family they just brush it off. or tell me to leave him. well it's not that easy. we are right now getting ready to sign for a home of our own. and I am so confused I can't wrap my brain around this or trust him. I do not believe he has stopped. He has a phone that you can basically hide anything under certain groups . It's so frustrating. He took the day off to go with me to the dr. and didn't even go with me. and I forgot my phone came back into the house to find him on porn. he shut the computer down real quick. well now he says it was an addiction and he loves me and wants to be with me. But I have anger , and no trust. Is this really all my fault? I'm so lost, I'm obsessed over what numbers he has hidden next and I can't seem to get over this. Do I believe in him once again??? He won't discuss it. Now he says if I would just stop this he might make love to me!! OMG really!!
Posted @ Wednesday, January 30, 2013 1:08 PM by wifey
Wifey.. I think your story is pretty sad, but something everyone who reads comments on here can relate too, To be honest I think you have given him way to many chances, He needs to hit rock bottom to see how bad his addiction has become But I have been in your situation to the point I sat in the carpark of a mental hospital wanting to commit myself as I thought I was going insane I couldn't eat or sleep !!! Knowing that my husband was spending hours and hours masterbating to porn, During the worst time of our relationship, My house burnt down and My Son and dog died I cannot even discribe how distraught I was and I told him that In my time of really needing him If he was to even switch the computer on He would never see me again ., Well he kept his word and he never did He has been my rock and one thing that hit him beacuse of what happened I spent almost a month away from him with my family, He said it made him see what it would be like without me and what a sad existence his life would become, He said he had time to revaluate his life and he knows where he wants to be I can honestly say since then he has been true to his word the only thing i have come accross is a pic cut out of a magazine of jessica simpson legs hidden in a plantpot Good luck But please do something drastic or there wont be anything left
Posted @ Wednesday, January 30, 2013 3:32 PM by von
Thank you Von. I am so sorry for your loss! That must have been a very devastating time for you! Ya know It really got messy here and turned into war of the roses. or so it felt. He feels I'm bullying him, yet I am angry at him for what has happened and his snide remarks, it's a viscous circle . I don't really know who is to blame . I guess it's me he always says so. I was sad, then hurt, then angry. I did tell him I wanted a divorce and was leaving and packing. That's when he said he felt really bad and was sorry it got out of hand. So hopefully all the insanity will stop. It's just to stressful to deal with . So I am praying things turn around and we can respect each other again.. still unsure how to put it away. Thanks again.
Posted @ Wednesday, January 30, 2013 4:20 PM by Wifey
Hi Wifey ..."I guess it's me he always says so." Well hes not man enough to admit its him, with the problem thats why he blames you!!!!! , have you read the excuses I was told. he needed to get turned on by porn. so he could have sex with me,! SERIOUSLY could you say a more hurtful thing to a woman ??? You know some things I have done I'm not proud .of but I have totally lost it sometimes, once I found some girlie mags so I cut the pics out and stuck them all over my house Saying I wish my wife looked this good then perhaps Id want to fuck her , Because thats how he made me feel Angry Hurt, Insecure, useless and Less of a Woman than he wanted... Now when I look back It was so silly But Im a very laid back person, I never lose my temper and Im always happy go lucky, But he was taking away from me who I was, and I was becoming insecure and miserable I started hating the way I looked I was finding fault with myself If it hadnt of been for finding this page and others like it , and realising" IT WASN'T ME" it was HIM I'm not sure where I would be today.. But I love my husband very much and He really adores me and now after 6 years of battling with this I think he's finally worked it out of his system I know there times when he will fall and we will have blips again..... but I feel I can handle the situations better .as Im not focusing on him anymore. but on myself and keeping myself healthy in mind and body As I said before I made a folder on my pc titled porn addicts wife it contained pics of me at my worst crying. something he liked to take, to show me how stupid i was crying over him looking at naked girls. If You feel you would like to talk or email Id love to be there for you, I have never talked about this to anyone as Im toooo embarrassed "Plus Its to painful for me" But to have another woman who Can relate to the situation is sooooooo nice I hope I have been of help or atleast given you a little hope VON x
Posted @ Wednesday, January 30, 2013 10:52 PM by von
2 more days of hell. We had talked this over and decided to try and work things out and he said he wasn't doing anything. But I did not trust him. I had this sick feeling in my stomach. I'm sure you all know that one. So I lay in bed thinking, I'll go down and play nice and a kiss goodbye , and he's off to work. NOPE didn't do that. I took some advise (Do something drastic and do it now) So I went to the kitchen and he asked how I was . I told him shitty, he asked what was doing today, I told him I was packing my bags and leaving, didn't know where and did not care. He once again tried to assure me nothing was going on, and to plzz trust him. Well I did'nt ... This was going on way to long, and I refuse to keep living like this period. He went to work and I found some really bad stuff on his old cell phone. so I took pics of it and sent it to him. I told him he is a grown man and knows right from wrong. At this point I was ready to leave . he had some nice words , then sarcasm. And remember this is the 4th time I thought. well the phone confirmed it really never stopped maybe for a few months but he still had these msg's on his old phone. who knows what's on the new one... So for the first time in months I did'nt blow up I did'nt send him mad texts, I just said please pick up some milk from the store babe. well he did and he came home we did'nt yell or argue I was shocked I was crying my eye's out. He then told me he loved me with all his heart. and he really F** up!! I couldn't believe my ears. yet I'm still crying. He promised me holding me tightly, I could feel him shaking . He knew I meant it. he said He knose he messed up he was depressed and will proove to me that this will never happen again. If it was'nt for this page and a few select friends helping me through this. I would have been in the loony bin for sure. But now I am feeling stronger not completely yet. But I have made my decision, he has made his promise seemingly with conviction. I do believe he loves me. I do love him. I probably will never quite understand why all the women, at work and porn sites and sexting, and for so many years. But I may have my husband back. And this time maybe even better than before! Maybe now he knows how much I love him and stuck by him also. I don't know. But I am sticking to this. I'm taking care of me, I'm going to pull myself out of this depression, and show my love for my husband. I cannot and will not try to fight for his attention from porn. either he want's me in his life or he doesn't. I guess that's it for today Thanks for the uplifting words of hope on this page and to my dear friends helping me through also!! It's only day 1. of the new attitude for me! So I will let you know how it is going. much love . this is not easy on anyone.
Posted @ Saturday, February 02, 2013 4:47 PM by wifey
Wow Im so proud of you . We do love our Men and sometimes its our downfall > But we also know they love us and its a battle for them. I think to get to a stage where you feel secure again they have to make the sacrifices that you require to fulfill this need. We are very open now, the pc has filters so He cant access anything . He uses an old style phone that just recieves call and texts nothing else . But the peace and security I feel now is amazing Some say your policing your guy and controlling him ?? Well Im not sure sometimes what I feel about that , But hes happy to do the things that make me happy and will give up whatever it takes to achive that. "and isn't that what realationships are about" If you dont have trust and honesty but someting based on lies that's not healthy I'm so pleased your finding strength I have overcome so much in the last 3 years Im now a lot more relaxed but most important... remember your important keep strong and healthy its on him > he has to want to change and its a rough ride but to have your hubby back to the reason you fell in love with him and have something healthy it truly is worth it . It's funny the last time I found dvds hidden in his drawer I didn't do my yelling I just looked at him showed him what was in my hand and walked upstairs to the bedroom and sat and cried, I could here him pacing the floor down stairs. He knows my routine the yelling the telling him its over routine but this was different I did'nt yell He didnt know what to do, and for the first time ever he came to the bedroom sat on the floor crying and said Im hurting you all the time and I hate myself that im destrying such a loving person who puts up with all my crap He changed that day to see dissapointment rather than anger seem to have more of an effect on him as to the way I was feeling I wish you nothing but love and luck Be strong you can both get through this xx
Posted @ Sunday, February 03, 2013 11:37 AM by von
Long story...my marriage ended, because of porn....There simply wasn't room for my husband's fantasy harem in my bed. I still love him and will not be with another man as I always valued and cherished what I had with him and protected it by not letting other men into our bed energetically or in actuality. 
 
My husband's values changed with porn. He wanted more open boundaries and to let lots of women in through his vision. He opened himself up to them through his eyes and in doing so, did not protect or value me. He is not with another woman. Porn opened the door...and let a harem in. I always cherished the special thing we had between the two of us (I thought). I didn't lose that as I still protect it today. He was special to me even if I was not to him. It's a sad state of affairs for sure, but I have a lovely porn free life, and I experience myself in a beautiful way and life without getting lost in the sucking vortex of a pornified man's energy field...There is beautiful light at the end of the tunnel....no more pain and I have myself back.
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 12:39 AM by Kat
Correction.....a Freudian slip perhaps? He is NOW with another woman.
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 12:41 AM by Kat
I'm thinking about how porn causes a man to view his partner as less attractive. He loses his partner as his beautiful one. How sad. What is REALLY important, though is that a woman never lose herself as "beautiful". Ladies, do not let this blinded man be your mirror. He is lost....See your own beauty. He is to be pitied for having a diminished sense of beauty such that he has lost you....What a loss. Don't lose yourselves and your own beautiful vision. Hold on with all your might and let him go.
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 2:00 AM by Kat
It's a shame but a fact of life now that our kids are growing up with easy access to porn via...phones pc laptop's. Because they see it. and the harder stuff to . They think what many find abnormal behavior to be very mainstream to them. we are in a society that actually allows sex in everything. look at the commercials fighting a generation of porn addicts is the way it's going. they push the boundaries every day more and more they drag teenagers into their web and they are hooked .......
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 10:01 AM by von
I have managed in 57 years never to see a pornographic movie. The first time I saw anything close was when I found my husband's porn stash. I was blown out of the water. I personally do not have porn pop up anywhere in my world. Why is that? I constantly read about this, but it doesn't happen to me...has only happened on two occasions in my whole life. Of course, it is in places like magazine stands etc..., but I don't experience this onslaught of porn I read about....It seems to me that it's a choice and that it's about protecting children from it by not letting them have all the devices that bring it into the home and their lives....I don't know....If there really is NO WAY to protect them, then the only hope is to teach them to manage it somehow. Just thinking.....
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 6:12 PM by Kat
If men reduce beauty to a very limited visual blueprint...they will become impotent...unable to appreciate all the phenomenal, sensual experiences of this world....no this universe. They will not be able to hear the sounds that are so exquisite that call us to the wonder of only God and beyond....They will not be able to feel anything emotionally....they will not be able to sense at all a real woman sitting right in front of him.....How very tragic. Men, don't let your lives be taken this way...Clain this gorgeous life back....one step at a time. There are many beautiful women waiting...and one to love you especially for you....Just do it.
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 9:48 PM by Kat
Ladies...the best thing for you to do is to value yourself...take back whatever your man's porn use took away...Let him go, and then wait for the man who will really see and lvoe you. If he wants to recover this...he will...If not...there WILL be a man who will. Not all men are blinded by porn...There are still good men out there, and the more women that take a stand for their beauty....the more good men there will be....Come on ladies...do it.
Posted @ Monday, February 04, 2013 10:05 PM by Kat
Well It seems our marriage is over... It is much more than porn. There are so many issues in our marriage from day 1 til now. It does not seem it will be fixable. I can't trust him now. we have no communication. He said he told me when we got married that he wasn't a touchy feely guy . well I was pushed away 2 times this is 3 . I can not live with no communication or respect . I am totally beside myself he yells if I would get over it. We would be fine. I asked him to do the web site counselling, he came up I read stuff to him. then he started blaming the computer and phone for our problems. I have disabilities and anxiety disorder. this is not good we lack all communication except for whose will pick up something at the store. If I ask him a simple question why he has live chat, and msg and email on his phone he say's he doesn't have it. omg I was so stressed I have lost it a few times , obbsssed over finding more numbers and he says he has never touched anyone, of course I made the mistake , I was lonley, very lonley . I have tried so hard to make things right. It wasn't enough he wanted me to hurt. well did. now I am just mad. He seems to crave other women's attention although he denies that also. O asked him for a divorce today! I read another blog on another site. it seems we are at the doomed stage. even though semingly we want to work it out. there is really no love or interaction or respect or trust in our marriage. desperate. Wifey
Posted @ Monday, February 25, 2013 10:10 PM by Wifey
Well guys a blip again, after finding a dvd of women giving virtual blow job,s in my husbands work bag yesterday, we are back down to the LIES..... The LIES THE LIES...... His excuse I cant help it. What hurts the most is we arnt having much sex because he has ED but It works when he dosnt have to hug the DVD afterwards........
Posted @ Tuesday, March 05, 2013 3:32 PM by von
Well It's been a year since this last tangent started. He got rid of everything changed his phone number, he says to stop the BS. The only BS he wants stopped are my reactions and pain. Found more phone numbers of people calling him and then he msg's them back. so it doesn't ever show a phone call. He thought I sent him a link to a porn site , I guess out of spite. I didn't send it. someone else did. I asked him who sent him a msg. and he said here take the phone . I found enough, he always deletes everything he does so not to show on the phone even goes so far to show me the phone is on the sound is on but, inside setting he can set it to another phone source which there were several options or he could turn off the setting for everything. while it still was on. lies lies lies... It's sickens me. he uses every excuse. blames me for everything. Yes I have illnesses. and he is the one years ago that told me to stay home I didn't need the stress of work, I was having alot of panick attacks. I now see everything he has been doing is controlling me. I've lost friends over this he calls them. he calls women at work, he has had several girlfriends at work. I don't know who sent him the new dating site. because he never saves there phone numbers unless there in the wonderful sites the new phones all have. It really doesn't matter old phone new phone. He did'nt stop. It was all lies. I feel completly robbed of all sense of myself. He said I now you don't think I love you but I do. and I deleted everyone in my phone. It's only for you. Like I really beleive this NOW!! he is completly addicted to this, and did admit it once he said he stopped but he didn't. We don't talk except texting. and we are not close. but he has all these other women who still have his new number plus all the people inside the site of the phone. he said he was'nt even on . Yet it said his name abd available to chat. and msg's set . chat to text msg" . I love him. But I am so tired of living in this life of lies. and whycan he talk to all of these women and no attempt to talk to me. He says it's because I won't stop about his phone. well it turns out my instincts were right. so wow... I just give up!! Sorry for rambling. I'm very distraught. wifey :/
Posted @ Sunday, April 28, 2013 1:03 PM by wifey
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